Wednesday, October 19, 2005

To one who needs a better path

I am perplexed.

It has come to my attention that you have harboured ill-will toward me and my family. It is not that I was unaware of the ill-will you have been harbouring, but I was unaware of the scale. It seems overblown, given the situation and lack of contact. I would have thought it would be over by now.

In light of what I have recently learned, I don't know exactly what to say to you. What happened, happened. It was a long time ago. No one can change what they have done in the past. The repercussions of your behaviour have been far-reaching. Friendships have been destroyed. They will not be rebuilt, because you will not allow that to happen. We have reached out to you, in kindness and in friendship, and you have relished in turning us away. You have taken pleasure in the thought that perhaps your actions have caused us pain and have even boasted to others about your bad behaviour as though it were somehow something to be proud of. But we have been unscathed by your actions, and it is the fact that you have enjoyed it so much that makes your behaviour so very reprehensible.

We have tried. We can try no longer.

I am not bad, mean, sour, pouty, petty, or any of the other colourful adjectives you have used to describe me. My husband is not "whipped". Standing by those you love when they are attacked is a normal response, and one that should have been anticipated when you acted as you did. Your current behaviour is not affecting us. It is not damaging our relationship. We rarely think of you. Your actions are only hurting yourself. When we learn of your actions, they are merely puzzling to us.

The anecdotes you relate to others are wildly inaccurate. I do not know if you are aware of that fact and revel in the lies you tell. Perhaps you have somehow convinced yourself that these stories are true. I hope the latter is the case. It seems a mildly better personality flaw to live in delusion, as opposed to focusing your energies on that place of vengeance and hatred where you seem to have set up residence. But in either case, it is sad that you live where you do, and I hope that you can move soon, to a better and more uplifting neighbourhood.

I am not the reason your friendships have deteriorated; you have done that to yourself. Your inappropriate actions have left those around you with no other choice. Had a compromise been possible, resolution would have occurred. We were always open to making such a compromise. It was you who was unwilling to bend.

I feel sorry for you. You are an unhappy person. And you are the cause of your own misery. But you will not be a cause of mine. You do not mean enough to me or my family to cause us any unhappiness. We are past this. We stand strong together, and we will not be felled by you.

Those who know me know that I am not the evil and controlling, manipulative monster you have made me out to be. Those who know my husband know that he is not a spineless man who caves in to the whims of his overly demanding wife. And those who do not know us do not matter to us; they can think what they like.

We know what happened, oh so long ago. We know who was responsible. We know that the apology which we deserve will never come. We accept that. The world continues to turn; the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. You are who you are; a part of our past and a learning experience for us. Our present and future are absent of you. We do not feel deprived.

We wish you peace.


va1kyrie said...

This sounds very sad, but I am glad that you are not holding onto resentment against this person. As my Dad told me recently, "Resentment is like eating rat poison and waiting for the rat to die."

People who are cruel have to live in the world they have created for themselves, but we don't have to live in their world.

I know you and H to have a strong, committed partnership, where there is give and take, and mutual respect. You two are both loyal friends, and kind and generous people.

I consider myself to be fortunate to have both of you as friends. Your true friends know your true nature and treasure it.

Trish said...

Thank you.

Yes, it is very sad. It didn't have to be this way, and I wish things were different.

I think she'd be happier if she would learn to let go. Maybe someday she will. I hope so.