Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Bed? Bah, I say!

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No nap??

Today, J was very tired. I wanted to get some studying done and was planning on going to my folks' place if need be. But J seemed so very sleepy that I thought he would go down for his morning nap, I'd get some studying done here, and then I'd head over there in the afternoon.

J would nearly nod off, rubbing his eyes, fussing ... just so tired. But he refused to sleep. After a couple of hours of me trying and failing to get J down for his nap, I gave up. Every time I'd put him in his crib, he'd start playing and wouldn't sleep at all. And then he'd start crying for me and wouldn't stop until I went to get him.

Finally, at around 11:30, I abandoned the procedure and decided to just go over to the folks' place to get some assistance while I prepared for my exam. I got J's stuff all ready, got my schoolbooks together, got J changed and ready to go, put him in his little snowsuit, and headed out the door.

J fell asleep as soon as his butt hit the carseat. Seriously. I was strapping him in, and he was sound asleep.

I got some good studying done today. I have to locate some practice questions on revenue and marketing variances; I need to learn those formulae well, as they are sure to be on the exam. I don't know the formulae yet. Not at all.

It occurs to me that there were certain things that I took for granted before becoming a parent. I should work on listing them. Not that I would trade J in for anything in the world, you understand. But there are things that I never thought about before.

Things I took for granted before parenthood

Walking from the house to the car with only my purse. I mean, as opposed to purse, baby, diaper bag, bag of food and dishes, container of toys, blanket ...

Monday, February 27, 2006

Is it in his eyes?

Sleepy baby

J is sleepy. Very sleepy. But he won't go to sleep in his crib. He's having something of an "insecure" day. He wants cuddles. He cries when anyone leaves the room. I suspect he will fall asleep in my arms shortly.

J loves his crib toys. But he really loves books. KJ&D gave J "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", which is a favorite of mine. J loves this book so much that he has decided that it must be in his crib with him at night; he likes to hold it. Today, we were sad; we thought we had lost it. Not so. J had just wedged it between the mattress and the crib slats. But he was inconsollable until I had fished it out and given it to him.

He sleeps. What a darling little baby I have. I love him so much, and I feel very grateful that I have been so blessed.

I am happy.

It's going to sound paranoid, but ...

I really and truly may fail this exam. I've been working hard, but I don't seem to have absorbed the materials. Today, I finally figured out what a "yield variance" actually is. I'm confused by the FIFO and weighted-average methods of calculating equivalent units of production. I don't know any of my revenue variance formulae, and I can't remember the ones for fixed overhead variances just now either. I don't remember what the different types of variances are called. I spent a good 5 hours today trying to get through self-tests; I only completed one. I have three more to go, the remaining audio lectures, 15 or so past and practice exams ... and my exam is on the 8th!! I find myself asking "Did we even take that?" a lot, only to go back through the text and realize that yes indeed we did. I'm feeling very nervous, and very stupid.

My sinuses are starting to drain, but they are reluctant about it. It is uncomfortable and distracting, and periodically I feel like parts of my face are going to explode. Sometimes, they seem to be draining just fine; other times, my head gets all plugged up and I can't even see straight let alone concentrate. But on a bright note, it no longer feels like someone roundhouse-kicked me in the side of the head. Hopefully it will be all gone in time for me to write the exam.

And hopefully, I will at least pass.

I'm scared.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Old photos

Well, at long last, I am beginning to upload some old pictures. More will be forthcoming, as time permits. But for now, you may see a few of them here.

These were shots we had taken at Sears when J was just about 7 months old. They weren't able to release the pictures to us at that time. But now, we are able to get them on a picture CD. Yes, for the price of a small car (okay, not quite, but it is more than our living room furniture), you too can put your previous portrait session on CD.

You may be asking yourself: Are we crazy? Would we pay such exorbitant prices? Would we accept highway robbery and just plunk down our credit cards, close our eyes, and stab at the receipt with a pen?

No. Of course not.

We got an "introductory offer" coupon in our email and decided to take advantage of it. So doing this did not break us. And the pictures were so cute that we just decided we might as well preserve them this way, since it was suddenly affordable. (Of course, just now we have no disposable income. For us, nothing is "cheap". But it was "affordable".)

We got many more pictures than this out of the session, and they are all on the CD. But these are our favorites.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Important certification

Today, I was helping my mom pack. I happened to find my certificate of recognition, verifying that I successfully completed the "Sears School of Paint". Good thing this valuable piece of documentation wasn't lost forever; you never know when you might need it.

I think I will frame it. And put it up at work. Next to my CIP designation. As a reminder of how far I've come.

Hard work is a good thing.


Driving home from my parents' place tonight, the following conversation occurred:

Radio Announcer: Joe Perry and Steven Tyler are sometimes known as "The BLANK Twins".

T: Thompson?
H: Bobbsey?

Apparently, the correct answer is "The Toxic Twins". Anyone with an Internet connection can find it easily enough.


Got some good studying in today. Not enough, but it was fairly significant. I made some progress. I'm still not confident, though. I wonder if I should just apply to defer the exam. Man alive, I don't want to do that unless I absolutely have to. But I lost almost a full week of prep time thanks to this blasted infection. And today, I was having problems remembering really basic concepts like equivalent units of production, so I may be in trouble.

Why is my audio lecturer so boring? She gives us a package of slides to go with the audio lecture, and then just reads directly off of the slides. I am literate. Please expand on the slides. Don't simply read them to me. I am perfectly capable of reading them myself.



I think my sinuses are starting to clear up a bit. Still hurts, though. Ow.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Santa Claus is not in California

Santa Clarita is in California. I caught it on my way to LA. At a glance, it looked like "Santa Claus", so I stopped to check it out. It's not particularly spectacular.

I was also rather disappointed by Mount Saint Helens. It's a lot smaller than I had imagined, and the crater is all filled in. But it's still well worth seeing.

Laugh and the world laughs with you

My sister-in-law loves scrapbooking. This is a shot of J that was taken just after Halloween 2005. I love this picture. And I love what she did with it!

Doesn't she do good work? I need to learn how to do this stuff.

J slept well through the night

Of course, he has made up for it by deciding that his day will start now. (Right now. Right now, dammit.) He woke up happy, had a diaper change and a spot of milk, and then just started freaking out for no apparent reason. He really wants to sit up while being held and cuddled. Lying down for snuggles is absolutely out of the question, as is spending any more time playing in his crib. So my day is starting really early, through no choice of my own.

On a bright note, I slept better last night. But I'm still in a fair bit of pain today. It's up in the forehead just now; it tends to move between all the sinuses on the right side. Ducky. I can't wait to see what it does today. At this point, I suspect I will need that antibiotic after all. We'll see. But I have to get over it quickly; I just don't have time scheduled to be sick.

Couch is coming tonight. Woot!

J, please stop smacking me with your soother. It hurts.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

8 Tylenols and All's Well

Well, the doctor confirms it. It is a sinus infection. Pretty bad one, too, judging from the look of dismay on the good doctor's face. I now have my extra-strength Tylenol (took 8 in the past 24 hours, and I don't feel badly about it at all), extra-strength Sudafed, and a bottle of Dristan Nasal Spray. The hope is that the infection will clear up in a couple of days with this regimen. But if it does not clear up by Saturday, I will need to start a course of antibiotics. I dearly hope this will not be necessary. I'm allergic to any antibiotics that are safe to take while breastfeeding, and so I will have to take the one that I react the least harshly to and hope for the best possible result. It's all I can do.

I really hope this clears up soon. I need to study, and I can't study right now. The pain is too intense. It makes me weep. I can't focus. I have to constantly change positions; lie down, sit up, lie down. I need some good, solid study time before my exam, but it isn't looking good just now.

45 more minutes, and I can take my last dose of medication and get to bed. J has been sleeping for a really long time now. I suspect another growth spurt is behind his sleep pattern today. I hope he sleeps right through the night. And I hope that I will sleep tonight as well; last night was terrible for that. And I hope that J will be happy and sweet tomorrow, and that I will be able to cope.

Today was a real struggle.


I gave in and took extra-strength Tylenols #5 & 6 about an hour ago. Still hurts. Bad. And the bottle says it is hazardous to exceed 8 pills in 24 hours. That means I have to make it until 10:00 tonight on only 2 more Tylenols. Unless I get something different to take. Maybe I will get something that will actually fix the problem and make it stop hurting. The Tylenols make me stop crying, but it still hurts terribly. And the cause of the problem, whatever it may be, remains untreated.

Doctor this afternoon. Oh please, let them fix it. It's excruciating. I can't believe it.

J is refusing his nap today, preferring instead to have a tantrum. Go to sleep, J!

It's worse when I lie down

And that is why I am up at this ridiculous hour of the morning. Waiting ... waiting ... waiting for the Tylenol to kick in.

Warm compresses applied to the face. Steam. Saline. Even the dreaded Vicks. Nothing. Tylenol barely even touches the pain.

Is it a sinus infection? Or do I need a root canal in a back tooth? I suspect it's the sinuses. For whatever reason, the pain is just unbearable. I had to leave the bedroom, as my pain was actually interfering with H's sleep. He needs his sleep today.

The doctor's office opens at 9:00. Please, let someone be able to see me today. Please, let them find a way to treat it.

Please, make it stop.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

This whole entry was typed left-handed

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Conflicting priorities

J wants to play. My textbooks want me to study them. J wins. He is much more demanding. Besides, playing with him is more fun.

I am trying not to panic. My exam is just over two weeks away. Really, I only need around 55% on the final exam in order to pass the course. I am feeling like I will be failing the course, but I am also aware that this is unlikely. I'm just in the panic place now. It's normal. I will pass the course, and carry on. I just like to do well, so I get a bit freaked out when I don't know things as well as I think I should. I have 9 self-tests, the audio lectures, and 15 past and practice exams to run, plus a collection of over 150 flashcards that I can go through and obsess over to my heart's content. With two weeks to go, there is plenty of time for obsessing. I will pass. I think. I hope.

But I will not worry today. I will play with J. I will take Tylenol, and I will get rid of this silly headache. (Sinusitis is a cruel joke.)

Today, I walked on the rooftops of the temples of the Forbidden City in Beijing, China. What an amazing place!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Good friends 'n' stuff

Bought J a cup with a straw. It has a snowglobe in the bottom of it, with a little elephant that moves about. What baby doesn't need a snowglobe cup? Obviously, it's for J!


Today, L&P were kind enough to give us a one-day-only coupon for a couch from Ikea. Denim blue. Deep cushions. Seats four comfortably. Looks good. Comfy. Great price. Happy shoppers. It will be here on Friday.


Went out tonight to visit with L&P. Much fun was had. L made crisped pitas and hummus. She opened the oven door and pulled out the flaming cookie sheet of fiery pitas, and for one brief, shining moment, it was beautiful. Like a Cherries Jubilee. Or Hell. Then she blew out the flames, and the smoke detector went off. The men were downstairs, wondering how we could possibly have burnt hummus. It was then that we decided that the pitas did not need to be crisped after all.

Took the food downstairs. Started to eat and enjoy some pleasant conversation. Gave J a small piece of pita to eat/play with. When next we looked at him, he was sitting on the floor with two pita wedges hanging out of his mouth like tusks. Pitas make good teething biscuits.

Good conversation. Kids played. J got pushed down and pulled around by Gemma-the-Giant, and he cried a bit 'cause he was scared. She was just playing; had no idea why he was crying. All is good.


Today, I visited Easter Island. Not much to see. Small and green. I really don't know what all the fuss is about.

I am so there

Click me.

Today, I found a quote that I think is worth keeping.

Maybe I am too simple,
Maybe I am too wise,
Maybe I'll never understand the reasons for the lies.

- Dreaming of a better world -

My car! My course! Ow! My head!

Well, the car is in need of assistance. It seems our fuel emission system is not functioning properly. The warning light came on, so we had to take it in to get some diagnostic work done. The car is in need of a tune-up, new spark plugs, a new fuel filter, and some other stuff that I didn't quite get. H is at the dealership getting it dealt with. Fortunately, we have considerable family assistance available for fixing some of this stuff. Otherwise, the bill would have run around $350. Yikes! I hope it will be quite a bit less, but I don't know for sure just now.

I wrote my last quiz for this course today. I did not do well. Of course, there was one question that was not covered in my materials at all. There was also one question that was sort of skimmed over, and it appears that the quiz answer is incorrect. And there was a trick question that I fell into. But for the life of me, I do not understand why variable selling expenses would be affected in a sale in which regular business is not disturbed!! I'll accept it, but I don't understand it. I'm arguing that I should receive full marks on the other two questions, though. I think that is fair. But I doubt it will happen.

It seems Management Accounting is just not my forte. Good thing I'm not studying to become a CMA, then, isn't it? Still, I've done reasonably well on the quizzes, and I have a 91.67% going into the exam. It's the same overall quiz score I had in my last course, and it counts for 30% of my final grade. We'll see how things go in the rapidly approaching exam. I do not feel confident. Good thing I have a couple of weeks to go.

I have a pounding sinus headache. It started last night, left this morning, and has now returned. It will not help my mood. I believe that I require chocolate today.

Meanwhile, J sleeps peacefully in his swing, blissfully unaware that his mommy is about ready to climb to the roof and start randomly shooting.

But I have no gun. Drat!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Today, I scaled Everest

Click by click.

(And I can see your house from my computer.)

Grape juice for breakfast

I had a post here. It was inconsequential. It just basically said "I know". And I've realized that that is sufficient. Just because I know, it doesn't mean everyone else has to. I have closure. It's a good thing. Done and done.

So that post is gone now. History will stay there. This post is more fun!

This morning, J drank diluted white grape juice from his sippy cup. He liked it. A lot. So much, in fact, that he felt he should have grape juice for breakfast. Only grape juice. Nothing else.

He lost the battle and had a healthy breakfast of cereal and fruit. But he was displeased.

He still can't tolerate meat. I tried him on fish yesterday. That didn't go any better than chicken or beef. Kiwis get the same reaction. J's gag reflex is a bit too strong. I hope he'll be willing and/or able to get more variety into his diet soon. I'm not sure how long he can stay on his rather limited fare.

J thinks it's funny if I open my mouth and click my tongue at him. He laughs, and he tries to grab my mouth. He is rewarded with kisses on his palm. J loves kisses!

I am uplifted

A couple of days of "moody" is enough for anyone. I am done. I am happy. I am me.

My friend, shiny gal, has made this entry in her journal today. I like it!

The Morning is Mine

The Morning is Mine
The first rays of sun have crept into the kitchen. It is warm, airy, and lovely.

The clock tells me it is 10 after 9, and while logic dictates that 10 does indeed follow 9, I know the clock for the liar it is. Time does not exist today. I have decreed it so. Time can only exist in my mind, and only if I acknowledge it as a fact because someone told me I should.

I love morning the most. It sings of possibility in birdsong. It is the metamorphosis of dark into light. The melting of my frosty soul after a lonely night. The morning is mine. It is the pleasure I share with no one. Conceited though it may be, I believe no one values morning the way I do. Since I was a teen I have gotten up early, to walk before sunrise. I wander the river valley, where it is just myself and nature. I feel at home there.

I feel at home in my apartment, too. It's just me and my cats, meowing echoing my thoughts.

This morning I am a complete woman, at home in my body, at home in the world.

(Thank you, Shiny. I needed that.)

She is so wonderfully radiant and positive, isn't she? I adore my friends!

I have been reminded that each day is unique, full of unexplored possibilities and beautiful secrets. Each day is new. And so, I cast aside the troubles and cares of the week past. They are gone. I don't need them, and I will not miss them. Today, I start anew.

How wonderfully freeing!

Friday, February 17, 2006

We need a better prison

So, J was having a nap. I was downstairs. I'd just put in a load of diapers, and I was having some lunch. And that was when I heard it. A noise from upstairs. A rhythmic thumping noise. Very loud.

I figured it was J, awake and playing, perhaps kicking his activity centre. But the noise was accompanied by a fair bit of vibration, and it sounded louder than usual to me. The cat even started. So I decided I'd best go and investigate.

I went upstairs. I looked in the bedroom. And there was J. Kneeling in his crib, next to his Whoozit. He was holding the slats of the drop side of the crib. He had pushed it to the side and, by so doing, he had knocked the bottom rung of the drop side off its track. The side of the crib was starting to come down. And he was pushing on it for all he was worth, obviously enjoying the fact that he could make his crib move.

I fixed it. But we obviously need a better prison for the baby. And it is clearly time to drop the crib to its lowest position. When J sits up or kneels, his head is right in line with the top of the sides of the crib; this cannot wait any longer. We'll have to do it this weekend.

But that means moving J into his own room, since that was the deal H & I made with each other. And I don't want to do it. I've really enjoyed having him in our room. I'll be an emotional wreck when we move him.

Going to the doctor

J was up every hour last night, crying and in need of comfort. Generally, he wanted his soother and a few caresses and words of love. No problem. Honestly, the hardest part was resisting my urge to pick him up and let him sleep in our bed with us. But I know none of us would have slept any better that way, so I resisted. We're all tired today.

Poor little J is really fussy. He's tired and warm, crying, with a runny nose and hacking cough, and he sounds mighty hoarse. He's getting doped up for pain and also receiving his baby decongestant and saline drops to help with his cough and stuffiness. We're going to see his pedi this afternoon.

On a positive note, he has not thrown up today ... yet. He threw up many many times yesterday. I hope his little tummy is feeling a bit better now.

I imagine the doctor will have J's bloodwork repeated at this point. I hope his iron levels have risen (raised? raisin? I'm tired...), and that we can discontinue the iron drops now. They're hard on the stomach, and may be contributing to his vomiting.

J loves things with buttons. Phones and remote controls are favorites. But he isn't allowed to play with those, try as he might. This morning, I took a phone away from him, and he started to sob. (J doesn't cry too much these days, but he's sick, and he wanted his toy.) So H went upstairs and found a small remote control that had been part of a now broken stereo. He took the batteries out and let J play with it.

And J was happy, and it was good.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Cat scratch fever

Well, today our older cat decided that she couldn't make it to the litter box in time. She did her business on the toilet seat cover instead. It's been a long time since we've had such accidents in our household. At least she got as close to a toilet as she could.

Tonight, H, J and Kitty were all cuddling on the couch. J decided to grab the cat's fur and yank. H wasn't quick enough in reacting; the cat felt she had to protect herself, and she turned on the baby. Fortunately, she knows what is appropriate, even when provoked. She bared her teeth and rubbed them against his hand to give him a hint. H pulled J's hand away, and cuddles proceeded as usual. I'm glad to know the cat will not hurt our boy.

J is still teething and grumpy. He's feverish. He's drooly. He has a runny nose. He has a bit of a congested cough. And he keeps throwing up. He has puked many, many times today. I hope this tooth he's working on pops through soon. I want him to feel better!

Little J kept us up through much of last night. Oh, how I hope he sleeps well tonight. I need a good sleep. Being tired affects my productivity something fierce. My exam is only a few weeks away, and I need to be productive.

Ah. Massive baby slobber on my clothes. How nice!

Had to remove my Johari window

URL hackers have been hijacking the Johari windows. Apparently, various hackers have concluded that "T" is someone they know. One woman is apparently stalking the poor dude, and calls herself his future wife! I got all creeped out about that one, so I decided I'd best nix the project.

So I've abandoned the Johari. But thanks all for participating. It was fun!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Cutting more teeth?

J seems to be cutting more teeth. It is making him quite owly lately. He's all warm and red, and he screams and sobs. He was having fits of rage today. (Break out the Tylenol and Advil.) Poor little tyke! That must really hurt!

Tonight, J was in his crib. He didn't want to be there. He started to cry. I went in to get him, and found him lying at the foot of the crib, screaming. He had flailed about so much that he had completely unsnapped his pajamas from crotch to toes on both sides! Even playing with his feet would not make him happy. H is playing with him now. But he is still really fussy.

Aside from the crying baby, I feel really happy tonight. I've been happy a lot lately. I sure am enjoying this!


Poetry on Trolling

Who can I trust?
I have no answer.
Who loves me?
I do not know.
Who is my friend?
I thought I knew.
But I don't know you.

I know.

I know that my intentions are honourable.
I know that I am innocent.
I know that I was attacked.
In my own space.
I know that my attacker.
Behind anonymity.
A bully.
And a coward.
And ashamed of your actions.
Even as they were perpetrated.

I know what was said.
And a copy is saved.
An automatic email from my blog.
A comment you made.
Your words.
Word for word.

I know that this site.
Is unlisted.
Is unsearchable.
I know that you used "friends".
While insulting me.
While assuming the worst of me.
While disrespecting me.
In my own space.
And sadly.
That means I know you.

But I don't know.
I don't know who.

I said I was sorry.
For any misunderstanding.
For any hurt.
I meant it.
But you don't care.
Do you.

I wish you were not in my life.
But I cannot extricate you.
Because I don't know who you are.
And you have robbed me.
Of that right.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

J wants to be a magician

Today, J drank from a sippy cup for the first time. He'd take milk from a regular cup, but he wouldn't drink from a sippy before. But today, he decided that he would.

He also decided today that he would try to pull the tablecloth off of the kitchen table. His highchair has now been moved over where he can't reach the tablecloth. No harm was done.

J's crawling is really improving now. If you put a toy out of his reach, he will crawl quite a ways to try to get it. I have video footage to prove it. I will try to get it uploaded soon. (I keep saying that, don't I? Uploading photos and videos is quite time-consuming; I'll work on finding some more time. I'm such a slacker!)

I am reminded that today is Valentine's Day. I am thankful for my husband and my darling baby boy today. They love me, and it makes me happy.

I also have generous and loving friends, and wonderful family members (inclusive of the three of us). They also love me, and it makes me happy.

I am happy that my little boy's development is picking up speed. And I am happy that I have many more important things to do than to worry about some anonymous troll in our blog. That's what my delete key is for, after all.

An open valentine to anonymous posters

Get a life. If you don’t have the guts and/or can’t be bothered to say who you are, we don’t want to hear it.

Buzz off!

(PS - Happy Valentine's Day!)

To "Anonymous"

Earlier today, someone posted an anonymous comment to one of my posts. It hurt me. I did not wish to preserve that pain, and so I deleted it. But what was written makes it apparent that I have inadvertently hurt someone's feelings. This was not my intent.

I have tremendous respect for all of the people who I am proud to call friends. I expect those people have a similar level of respect for me, though to be frank, anonymously attacking me on my own blog doesn't really demonstrate that.

If you are my friend and I hurt you, I can assure you that it was unintentional. Please call me, as I would like to apologize in person for any misunderstanding.

If you are not my friend, please refrain from commenting in my space. Your opinions simply do not matter to me. I will delete your posts accordingly.

J's crib

J's crib will need to be lowered. Very shortly.

This morning, he was in his crib looking at me and talking to me. ("Mama", he said. And then some delightful little chatting.) He then grabbed two of the crib slats, and peeped out between them, with his little face smooshed against the slats. He looked like he was in a prison, except that he was so darned happy. Smiling and cooing away; such a different baby from yesterday.

Well, wouldn't you know, the next thing he did was reach for the top bar of the crib side to try and pull himself up to standing!! Now, he's not quite tall enough or mobile enough to have reached the top bar. But he tried valiantly. And he came pretty close, too.

So we'll have to lower the crib down to its lowest point now.

I don't want to!!

Must ... exercise ... restraint

I want to help one of the students in the Law class. I know the answer to his question. The tutor isn't explaining it to him in a way that he understands. I would like to send him a private message and try to explain the concept in a different way. A simpler way. A way that he might understand.

I was exempted from the Law class, because I already took its equivalent and then some when I got my legal assistant diploma. I aced it, and I've worked with this concept frequently ever since. I know that I could explain it to this guy. But I don't want to offend the student or the tutor by butting in. After all, it is not my course.

I just feel bad for the poor guy! It's a difficult question about a difficult concept, and I don't blame him for being confused. And after all, he's studying to become an accountant, not a lawyer; when will he need to know who has first priority under a security agreement anyway? If a client asked him, his answer should actually be "Go see a lawyer". It's not his area of expertise. He's an accountant.

I always want to help those in need. But sometimes, I need to mind my own business and just butt out. I will try.

But it's hard!

Monday, February 13, 2006

How to study

A girl in Nova Scotia is taking level 1 of the program, and feeling discouraged. She posted about it in the student lounge. Seems she failed Financial Accounting 1 last term, and she's afraid she's going to fail Economics in this semester. She's thinking about dropping out of the program entirely.

I emailed her, and I told her that it's probably a bit early to make such a drastic decision. I suggested that she might just need some help with establishing good study habits, and I asked her if there was anything I might do to help. She asked me if I could fill her in on how I study and prepare for the exams. So I wrote a return email on the subject. But it was too long to go through the very limited email messaging system used on EdNet; I had to put it into a document and attach it to the email.

After I'd emailed it, I looked at the document. And it was then that I realized that I had typed up a 3-page Word document on studying techniques. (It's official. I am a nerd.) Gee. I wonder if she might find that a little daunting. I hope not. And I hope she can follow some of the direction and carry on in the program. The courses are kind of expensive, and failing one is really hard to take.

The first spontaneous "sit-up"

J was lying in his crib playing. H went to check on him, and found J sitting up in the corner of his crib looking out into the hallway. J can sit quite nicely now, but he has never before pulled himself up into a sitting position. Nicely done, J!

Please go to sleep

Dear J,

Why do you insist on not napping today? I try to get you to nap, but you refuse. You have been awake since 7:00 this morning. You are so tired and crabby, and you keep rubbing your little eyes. When you scream and flail about, you get all warm. It does nothing to help your mood.

And why do you throw up after every single meal? You give mommy so much extra laundry to do. Besides, how do you expect to gain enough weight to satisfy the doctor if you won't hold anything down?

And why do you headbutt me so much? Do you not realize how hard your tiny little head is? It hurts! A lot!!

And why do you bite? Please don't bite. I do not enjoy it.

If you would just go to sleep, I am certain that your mood would improve. My ears hurt from all your screaming today. I really hope you feel better soon.

Please go to sleep?

I am so glad that days like this are rare now.



Sunday, February 12, 2006

Developing a funny-bone

Sometimes, things are said in jest. If overheard, the intent may be subject to some misinterpretation. Should one operate under the assumption that any given statement is serious? And should one who was privy to only a portion of half of a conversation make any assumptions whatsoever?

No. It is probably best not to assume.

It is also probably best not to think the worst of a person. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt whenever possible; it will make you happier in the long run.


Should I remove you from my life, my lists, my all? Or am I a bigger person than that?

Big? I feel small.

I am tired. Tired and bored. And disgruntled.

1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ...

No stoppin' him now!

H was carrying J down the stairs. He stopped at the top of the stairs and turned on the stairwell chandelier, because J enjoys the light and reaches for the switch when we walk past it. H said "Light", and J responded: "Lee-lee".

I love that little J is trying to communicate!

The first word

Yesterday, J started saying "Mama". Now, sometimes it comes out "Mum", "Mamum", or occasionally "Mamamum". But it's usually "Mama", and he never just keeps going indefinitely. He reaches for me while he says it. He doesn't say it to H, unless he's reaching for me at the time. And he even stops calling "Mama" once I'm cuddling him.

So it seems this is J's first actual word. I am most excited!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

The amazing crawling baby!

J can crawl forward! Now, it takes him awhile; he can't move real fast just yet. But he is mastering forward motion now. If you put toys just out of his reach, he will crawl forward to get the toys.

He is really trying to get up on his feet and walk about. He'll be on his hands and knees, and he'll put his feet down flat and try to move. But he's not quite able to pull his hands off the ground and stand unsupported, so he can't get any farther than that. Eventually, he either sits down or does a bit of a swan dive. Then he goes back to crawling.

Things you never thought you'd hear yourself say

"Well, if you wouldn't kick me, you wouldn't get yogurt up your nose."

Friday, February 10, 2006

All random, all the time

J now weighs 16.5 lbs. He is still below the fifth percentile for his adjusted age, but he's getting closer to an acceptable range. However, at only 25.5 inches, he appears to be shrinking. I theorize that he scrunches up when being measured.

My new printer is a gem, and it is generally far faster than the old printer. But it still takes a really long time to print pages when it is set to thicker paper. Currently, I'm on page 6 of a 20-ish page job. It may be awhile. I swear, each page is taking around 10 minutes. I wish this would go faster. Ah well. Best to do it right, I suppose.

I have a healthy sense of humor; it's just selective. There are some types of comedy that I just don't get. For example, I once knew a guy who went to a "meet the new baby" night for some friends who'd been struggling with infertility for several years; once there, he commented that "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen in my life". Yeah. I don't get that. Is it funny?

Maybe it's funny. Maybe I just need some direction. Is it funnier if it's said in person, or in writing? Is it funnier signed, or anonymous? What if it's said in person, but the guy giggles while saying it? What if the baby is exceptionally cute? Or really homely? Which is funnier? Is it funnier if the baby's mom fumes in silence or cries openly? What if the dad kicks the guy out of the party and they never speak again? Or would it be funnier to have the dad escort him out personally and beat him up in the driveway? Minor injury, or permanent brain damage?

Is it funny? Why? How?

Tonight, I feel tired and achy and fat and ugly. I'd like to not. It will likely pass by morning, though. That's one thing about a bad mood; it doesn't last forever.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

My new printer is hooked up

The old printer was in a constant state of paper jam. It had some sort of problem moving the pages forward when they were done printing, and so I'd have to sit at the computer, babysitting the printer, quickly removing each printed page off the tray. Any delay would be met with a terrible paper jam and the destruction of previously printed pages.

So L&P were kind enough to bail me out of this awful state of affairs, and they gave us a printer they had kicking around. (They're sweet, btw!) It's been in a box for far too long, with me procrastinating about its all-of-2-minute installation and opting instead to continue to suffer with the old broken printer. But now, I have hooked up and installed our new printer!

I tested it. The paper feeds through without issue. But it comes out blank. I suspect the ink cartridges may have dried up and they just need replacing. But the low ink light isn't on. Still ... this seems the most likely possibility. I will endeavour to purchase new ink cartridges tomorrow. Hopefully, this will correct the problem.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I bore easily

I'm not sure if this is a normal thing for me, or if it's just tonight. I hope it's just tonight.

I go to plays and don't get bored. I read textbooks and (usually) don't get bored. I don't often have a problem staying focused. Most things interest me. But tonight, I feel easily bored. Very easily bored.

I wonder why.

Still with the fat lip

J headbutts. Often. Yesterday, he slammed me one right in the mouth, and my front tooth went into my upper lip. It was swollen a bit last night. I expected it would improve overnight, but it has actually gotten worse. Considerably worse. It's visibly swollen now, and man alive does it hurt! And my neck and jaw are all stiff, I assume from sleeping funny. It just serves to add to the discomfort. It makes me all grumbly.

H is coming down with yet another cold, though he denies it. But the snuffling into Kleenexes and massive doses of Echinacea and Vitamin C belie his attempts to deceive me. I'm trying to stay away; J and I do not need another cold. Last time he brought home a cold bug was before Christmas and, well, we've just recently recovered. No more. Not if I can help it. Which, let's face it, I can't, but still ...

Actually, I already have the start of a sore throat happening. But I will make every effort to fight it off, and hopefully it will not win this time. Dang viral infections! They always have to attack the asthmatic, too, don't they?

Fortunately, I completed my quiz for school yesterday, so if I want to take a day off from my studies, I can. I do. I will. Rest and relaxation is the order of the day!

I hope J behaves himself today. He was quite crazed yesterday, giving me the fat lip, etc. We went to see King Lear at the Walterdale last night (Thanks, Liz!), and my parents watched J for us. Usually such a good baby when being babysat, J decided to be extremely hyper last night, not eat anything (not even his usual bedtime cereal), and not nap at all. I think Mom and Dad were rather relieved when we came to get him and take him away. They were having fun with him, but it was late. I was quite surprised to find him still awake when we went to pick him up.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Happy 10 Month Birthday

Oh, my sweet, darling little boy. I can't believe you are 10 whole months old today. I don't know where the time has gone. Has it really been 10 months? It doesn't seem possible.

I love you, little man. I love you so much. I want you to always remember how very much I love you. You are a wonderful baby. Even when you scream and cry, refuse a bottle, won't go to sleep, headbutt me right in the mouth (I have a fat lip again from that little trick), or do any of the countless other silly little things that you do. You are still a wonderful baby. I am grateful for you, always.

Happy 10 months, my sweetheart.


Who is "Bob"?

J's new sound is "Bob". (Okay, it's more like "Bababababababa...") He had a nice nap today, and fell asleep playing with his Whoozit. He awoke, pleasant and happy, playing with Whoozit, blowing raspberries, and calling for "Bob". He smiled and chatted happily when he saw me.

J threw up a bit this morning. I think those iron drops he has to take are pretty hard on his stomach. Fortunately, he doesn't seem to mind taking them. And his color and mood are definitely better. I hope he doesn't have to stay on the supplements for very long, though. He gets sick almost every day!

I think he's gaining weight at a good pace now. I hope he'll soon be back in an acceptable range. I think I'll take him to the health centre this week for a weight and measure check. He sure can eat, so he should be gaining weight. But he's exremely active, and he burns off calories at an alarming rate. Always on the move, he's figured out how to use his highchair as a vehicle to move backwards about the kitchen. He flings his head forward and back hard and, with each backward motion, the highchair moves. I don't think it's a good antic, so we have braced the highchair in a corner to prevent him. Now he gets frustrated that he's not going anywhere and he cries. Oh well; at least he's safe.

J still has no interest whatsoever in anything that is offered from a sippy cup or a bottle. But yesterday, he drank a few sips of homo milk from an open cup. He seemed to think that was pretty tasty. I am pleased with that development. Sadly, he still won't eat meat, beans, or any kind of cheese other than Minigo. But he loves his cereal, most fruits and vegetables, plain yogurt, Minigos, crackers, bread, and Cheerios. Other than the crackers, bread and Cheerios, he isn't particularly interested in chewing any foods, and so all his food has to be finely pureed or else he will gag and spit up. We got him to eat most of a grilled cheese sandwich the other day, but it seems that was an anomaly. He is unwilling to repeat this feat, and we'll just have to live with that.

Aside from the whole picky eater issue, he is growing and developing well. He's really close on the crawling thing, and he gets up on his hands and knees and rocks. Then he tries to put his feet down flat, loses balance, and falls on his face. He's a tough kid, though, and this doesn't seem to phase him. He just tries again. He gets around pretty well by "swimming", using his hands to pull himself about, and rolling over. It's a fun stage, where he's more mobile and playful, but not really able to get into trouble. I like it!

He also (finally) absolutely loves his baby swing. It's a shame he finally realized it's fun, just when he's getting close to being too big for it. But it will last for awhile yet, so we can still have some fun with him and his swing.

He's bored now, sitting with me at the computer. I think it's play time. Off we go!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Gettin' nervous

I just tried to complete the questions on one of the old exams for the course I am currently taking. I couldn't get any of them right.

I am feeling really stupid tonight. I wonder if I have actually managed to absorb anything that I have read in this course. And I know it sounds silly in light of my past academic history, but I still wonder if I will pass this particular course.

I don't seem to get it.

A dyslexic moment

A freecycler is looking for a specialty item. The post reads "Wanted: pony beads". I, of course, read it as "Wanted: pony heads", and I was rather repulsed for a few brief seconds. I'm done now.

The space bar makes a train!

My friend Liz said Mommy could install a keyboard banger for me to play with. She installed the first one. It's cool!

I like the space bar the best. The space bar makes a train! And it whistles and everything! I just sit on Mommy's lap and hold down the space bar, as trains appear everywhere; then the screen clears itself, and more trains appear. More and more and more trains!

Can you believe it? Trains!!

On another note:

t8hmnhh nii bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb jn

Saturday, February 04, 2006


I can't view Mary's blog. I try, but it says that I don't have permission to access it. I don't get it. But I am now quite certain that there are technical difficulties afoot today.

I can view most of the blogs in my list, but there are about three Blogspot accounts that give "permission denied" type errors.

Very weird!

Is someone playing?

I put up a post with some study notes today. It posted appropriately. It linked in the "Filed Under" menu. I viewed it. Everything seemed just fine.

And then, when I returned, I couldn't edit the post. I could see it was still on the page, so I knew it had posted correctly. And I checked the "Filed Under" for it, and it was still there. But it was not accessible to edit. And then it disappeared from my page entirely. Quickly, I grabbed it off the "Filed Under" page and recreated it. And, as a caution, we changed all passwords to the blog.

Now, either there is a major glitch in the system or someone has been playing on my blog. If it is the former, I hope the glitch repairs itself soon and I don't have to upload the blog back into play from my backup version to get the posts back as they were. And if it is the latter, then get your own blog and leave mine alone, you big big freak!!!

Either way, I am most displeased.

Edit: It's happened twice now, with the same entry. I think Blogger must be experiencing technical difficulties today.


Studying. Having problems remembering formulae. Must make notes now.

Price variance = (Actual quantity * Actual price) - (Actual quantity * Standard price) = Actual quantity * (Actual price - Standard price)

Mix variance = (Actual quantity * Standard price) - (Actual quantity at standard mix * Standard price) = Standard price * (Actual quantity - Actual quantity at standard mix)

Yield variance = (Actual quantity at standard mix * Standard price) - (Standard quantity at standard mix - Standard price) = Standard price * (Actual quantity at standard mix - Standard quantity at standard mix)

Actual quantity at standard mix = Budgeted percent of materials to mix * Total input of all mix materials

Standard quantity at standard mix = Budgeted percent of materials to mix * Standard input of all mix materials

Budgeted percent of materials to mix = Budgeted specific material quantity / Budgeted total material quantity

Efficiency variance = (Actual quantity * Standard price) - (Standard quantity * Standard price) = Standard price * (Actual quantity - Standard quantity) = Mix variance + Yield variance

Important Note: In cost related variance analysis, positive numbers are unfavorable and negative numbers are favorable. In revenue related variance analysis, the reverse is true.

Sometimes, the prerequisite courses just teach you the formulae, and the subsequent course explains it further and shows you how to apply it. MA2 should be more detailed, I assume. MA1 is all math.

Friday, February 03, 2006

It was May 24, 2005

One of the longest nights of my life. And I remember it well. It was before I formally started this blog, so there is no real record of it, except in the minds of those dwelling in this house. H and I both remember it. Vividly. It seems so long ago, but I was reminded of it last night.

May 24, 2005

J was a very colicky baby. We weren't sure what to do for him. We'd take him for car rides, and that really seemed to help. When he was hungry, I'd feed him and he'd puke it all up and then need to eat again. All I remember of those first few months was the utter exhaustion and the screaming crying baby. He was acting like he was in such pain, and it hurt me so much that I couldn't help him. I just didn't know what to do.

Colic hits a peak at a certain point, and then it improves. But when it reaches that peak, watch out; it ain't pretty. May 24, 2005. J's peak.

H and I were trying to go to sleep on May 23. J insisted on staying up late. When we finally got him calm and into his crib, it was early morning on the 24th. We would now go to sleep.

"NO!" said J.

At 2:00 a.m. on May 24, 2005, J awoke. Screaming. And screaming, and screaming, and screaming, and screaming ... H got him up and changed him. J screamed. I fed him. He puked. I fed him again. He puked again. H held him. J screamed. I held him. J screamed. We walked the floor with him. J screamed. I tried to feed him again. He puked again.

And it just continued. H and I took turns. All night long on May 24, 2005. Trying to keep J calm. Trying to help him. We couldn't figure out what to do. Nothing would help. And he kept puking, and then looking for more food. He was so hungry, but he just couldn't keep it down. And I fed him, and fed him, and fed him. But it didn't help.

Sometimes, when J would scream and scream with the colic, we would put him in the car and drive. But by this time, it was 4:00 a.m., and H had to work at 9:00, and I didn't want to be out on the road at that time of night, driving around, too exhausted to pay attention. So we suffered through it. No car ride for J.

I took J out of the bedroom. I figured that way, at least H could get some sleep. I changed J, and then I went into the office and sat down to try to feed him again. And he screamed and screamed. And puked. And finally, he drifted off. At around 6:00 a.m. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I went back into the bedroom to put J into his crib. He awoke as soon as we got into the bedroom, and started screaming again. I took J back into the office. H asked if there was anything he could do, and I said no. I told him that he needed to sleep; there was no point in both of us being up all night. I returned to the office, where I sat in front of the computer and tried to nurse J again. But he'd fed so profusely through the night that my milk was gone. There was nothing there for him. He was angry, and his screaming became even louder. And to make matters worse, anytime he did manage to take any milk in, he'd puke again. I was sore and tired and stressed, and I couldn't come up with anything else that would help him.

I walked him, rocked him, sang to him, cuddled him, gave him his soother, tried to feed him, (at one point, exclaiming "You've sucked me dry"), and I just couldn't get him to sleep. He absolutely would not stop crying.

Finally, at 6:30 a.m., I broke down. H heard me start to sob, and he came out and took J. I collapsed beside my computer, crying.

J finally went to sleep for a couple of hours at 7:00 a.m.

On May 24, 2005, my sister-in-law was scheduled for a C-section for their second child. My family was, obviously, unavailable. I didn't know how I was going to get through the day. I'd had absolutely no sleep, and I would have no help available. H called in from work, citing exhaustion and the needs of his crazed and sleep-deprived family as his particular illness. Everyone understood; his supervisors have children.

May 24, 2005.

I'd not forgotten it. But I'd pushed it into the back of my mind. But last night ... last night ...

Last night, H and I got to go to Horizon Stage and see The Arrogant Worms. It was a fantastic concert! One of the guys (Trevor Strong) has recently become a father, and he wrote a song about parenting. It's called "Go To Sleep Little Leech", and it is on their "Beige" CD. I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. I totally identified with that song.

Why? See for yourself; (I found this online this morning. I hope the link doesn't expire). Or, if you'd prefer, you can always just read the lyrics here and avoid a potentially lengthy download time.

Go To Sleep Little Leech
by The Arrogant Worms

As a small baby each time I cried
My mother came to me
To calm my worries and ease my fears
With a sweet melody
I remember hearing the sound of her voice
As I screamed in my drool and my pee
She'd slug back some whiskey, light up a smoke
And gently sing to me

Go to sleep little leech you've sucked mama dry
Made her more crazy with every cry
Why weren't we more careful that night on the beach?
Go to sleep, go to sleep, little leech

I grew into a terrible teen
And ate all my parents' food
Stole all their liquor, broke their antiques
Wore stupid clothes and was rude
One night I drove the car home covered
In vomit and missing a door
But my Dad didn't yell, he just smiled as he said
"Son you don't live here no more"

Go to sleep little leech you've sucked us bone dry
Stolen our money and will to survive
But you're old enough now to kick out on the street
Go to sleep, go to sleep, little leech

Now I'm a father with my own child
Who screams and screams and screams
He screams and screams and screams and screams
And screams and screams and screams
I'm up at eleven and two and four
And all I can do is yell "why?"
And I swear that I hear my mom laughing at me
As I sing that lullaby

Go to sleep little leech you're driving me mad
Sometimes I dream that I'm not your real dad
It's five in the morning I work in the day
Go to sleep little leech or get sold on Ebay
Go to sleep little leech, everyone tells
Me you're an angel, but I know you're from hell
How else could nine pounds six ounces make such a screech
Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep you little creep
I beseech yee little leechy, go to sleep

Laughing hard and struggling for breath, we left for intermission. And I told H that I felt the song had been written about that night. That dreadful, horrible, unforgettable night. May 24, 2005. H agreed. I don't think there was anyone who identified with that song more than us. Heck, I doubt the writer identified with it any better!

We bought the "Beige" CD, so that we could have that song to play whenever the mood overtakes us. (Like today, for example.) Fantastic!

And I just want to say that I think everyone who has ever had a colicky baby should buy this CD. I laughed 'til the tears ran!

Great show!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

I am an overachiever

I admit it. I like to get through things quickly, and I like to do things well. Very well. Extremely well. It's part of who I am, and I can't do anything about it.

So here I am. Studying. Running flash cards that I've made so far for my course. I find this a good way to study. It's my first time running the flash cards that I've made so far. I did a count. There are 83 flash cards. I know the answers to only 29 of them. Fortunately, the exam is not until March 8, so I have some time to get my head around these concepts. Unfortunately, there are 2-1/2 more modules to cover, so more flash cards will be added to the pile as I read.

One good thing: I know my stuff well enough to have spotted an error on one of my flash cards. I looked at it and realized it made no sense; then I went through the book and recreated it properly. Sadly, I didn't know my stuff well enough to recreate the card without the book, but that will come.

I don't think I'll fail this course or anything like that. I just think I have a lot of preparation to do before the exam. This is lots of hard work. And I have several more years to go. I just hope I'll have the stamina to keep taking a course per semester and keep my grades up. I want to get done quickly, and I also want to keep doing well. I think the hard work will all pay off in the end.

I really hope so, anyway.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

J gives kisses

Big sloppy wet kisses. You pop the soother out, and you say "Smoochers", and J will turn to you and lean in with his mouth open for kisses.

J gets extremely hyper at night now. He figures it's playtime. And when he's tired, he throws tantrums. Not the most pleasant thing, and I hope this will be short-lived.

I do not enjoy the tantrums. But I do enjoy the kisses. Especially today. I feel a little bit glum today, and the costochondritis is returning. I wish it would go away.

More kisses; less screaming.