Your true colours

I am from my piano,

from Yamaha and Hewlett Packard.

I am from the grey bungalow with the big backyard and the service station across the street. Tidy, cute; the scent of gasoline.

I am from the diefenbachia, lily, rainbow, the willow, rose, rock. Grey and speckled, hard and rough, both smooth and jagged by turn, with tiny flecks of bright gold.

I’m from big Christmas gatherings and type A personalities,

from Ruth and Jan.

I’m from hard working overachievers, and exhibits of strength, faith, and hope through adversity,

From "clean your room" and "your brother and sister never fought like this".

I’m from God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. The three-in-one. Baptist.

I’m from Scotland by nature, but elsewhere by nurture,

From frozen turkeys and barbecued hamburgers.

From the bright but uneducated businessman who owned his own service station, and then went back to school as an adult, changing his path through intense hard work, because what he really wanted was to teach highschool.

And from the addict. A man who loved to skydive, who one day spontaneously combusted and ended it all with one shot.

Photos in boxes and albums; some in scrapbooks, slideshows, quilts, and various frames. China cabinets with pretty glass and crystal, and chests of drawers containing writing and childrens' artwork. Cabinets on an acreage and computerized family trees. Treasures in every cupboard. My past, my present, my future. Every bit of it precious, priceless, and irreplaceable.

I am from my piano.

**********

The above was inspired by my friend, The Morgan. Apparently, it was a proposed school assignment from a teacher's website originally entitled "Where I'm From" ... and I'd love to read yours too. So follow the structure and create a poem. Let me know how it turns out.

Edited Sept 15/08:

I have now learned that the original "Where I'm From" poem and form is by George Ella Lyon. Visit her site, and you can read the original version and listen to the audio, as well as find some other resources for writing. (And maybe even get her to give a workshop at your child's school!)

I am from (specific ordinary item),

from (product name) and (product name)

I am from the (home description). (adjective, adjective; sensory detail.)

I am from the (plant, flower, natural item), the (plant, flower, natural item)

description of the natural item).

I’m from (family tradition) and (family trait),

from (name family member) and (another name).

I’m from the (description of family tendency) and (another),

From (something you were told as a child) and (another).

I’m from (representation of religion -or lack of it) further description).

I’m from (family ancestry),

From and (two food items representing your family).

From the (specific family story about a specific person and a detail).

the (another detail of another family member)

(Location of family pictures, mementos, archives and several more lines indicating their worth).

Ten things that suck

I have the stomach flu, and can't be bothered to explain any of these. But here are ten things that totally suck today.

1. The stomach flu.
   
2. Cats that pee on the carpet.
   
3. Exam prep (and the lack thereof).
   
4. Migraine headaches.
   
5. Computerized telephone solicitors.
   
6. The smell of new bike tires in my kitchen.
   
7. Fluctuating temperatures.
   
8. Daytime TV.
   
9. Dust.
   
10. Dirty dishes.

I am feeling more positive than I thought. I had to struggle to think of ten things. Really, more things are good than sucky. That's a nice thought.

And on that note, I'm going back to bed. Blargh!

Green Day's Journey Into Night

So, I got this from the Nice Guy. And H and I have been playing this game for awhile now. It's fun. Addictive. But fun.

The idea is to take a book (or play) and a band, and meld them together in some manner.

Like so:

Slaughterhouse Jackson 5
Bowling for Chicken Soup for the Soul
Tom Sawyer & The Heartbreakers
Little Red Riderhood
The Wonderful Wizard of Ozzy
Alice in Wonderchains
Of Mice and Men-At-Work
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow & Oates
Anna & The Kinks of Siam
The Beatles of Madison County
The Glass Tiger Menagerie
Into Thin Lizzie Air
Interview with a Van Halen
The Chronicles of Nirvana
Bon Jovi of the Vanities
Green Day's Journey Into Night

(H stresses that "Cake" is also a band name, and it ought to be used to excess in this particular game.)

And it works for children too:

But Not the Tragically Hippopotamus
Pat the Bunny Benatar
Bowling for Green Eggs and Soup

There are more. There are always more. But I think you get the point, so ...

Give it a try. What can you come up with?

Keep the comments coming!

New Years Resolutions

I may actually be able to keep this one.

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Slap stupid people in the head. Get your resolution here

'Cause who doesn't need a fuzzy from time to time?

Stolen from human loser's blog:

Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one reason why I like you. Then put this in your own journal, and spread the love.

So do it. Post a comment. And I'll tell you why I like you. If I do. Or I might just delete your comment. You know. If I don't.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Bad taste

Apparently, my letter to Santa was too much to handle, and now "Blogger's spam-prevention robots have detected that [my] blog has characteristics of a spam blog." So until someone can review my blog and say it is acceptable, I have to use that pesky "Word Verification" thing in order to post anything. And it's a giant pain in the you-know-what, and I'm ticked off about it. (Mildly ticked off, because I understand why they do this. But still. It's a blog of baby pictures and study techniques; as if it has spam characteristics!)

I find this irritating, because I hate spammers so very much that to be thought one just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth.

I may not be online for a bit, while I wait for this to be straightened out. We'll see.

(To add insult to injury, J just threw up on me.)

Just 'cause the bit about the puppy made me laugh!

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Monday I pushed dottie parker in the mud (-17 points). Last Friday I ruled Iran as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). In February I signed my organ donor card (28 points). In October I gave morgoid a kidney (1000 points). Last week I set ninedoors's puppy on fire (-66 points).

Overall, I've been nice (245 points). For Christmas I deserve a shiny red ball!

Sincerely,
T

Havin' yer cake

Have you ever noticed that song titles can be altered in a variety of ways? For example, all song titles can make excellent use of the word "Cake". Think how much better it would have been if Bon Jovi had chosen to write about "Livin' On A Cake". Or if the Beatles had been really hungry and had written about living in a "Yellow Cake".

Imagine the fun that would ensue when one listened to Madonna's "Cake A Virgin", a song about a new carnival game where you pay money to throw cake at anyone who dares to wear white.

It even works with classical music, such as "Cake on a G-String", and good old '80s tunes, like Poison's "Talk Dirty to Cake" ("Oooooh, Cake, go put on your G-String").

One of my personal favorites: Journey's "Cake Arms". T advised that this sounded like a potential sequel to "Edward Scissorhands": "Ben Cake Arms". This film would, of course, contain the requisite angry mob scene, where the villagers try to run Ben out of town, brandishing dessert forks and birthday candles. Picture poor Ben, up in his castle, baking coffee cakes in the shape of his lost love's face. ("And I know that he's there", she tells her grandchildren years later, "because of the flour that falls from the sky. It never 'floured' here before, and I think that if he were gone, it wouldn't 'flour' today.")

Okay, now that's just creepy, but you get my point.

So what I'm asking is: what song titles can you come up with that use "Cake" to great purposes? ("The Sultans of Cake", "Money For Cake", "Romeo and Cake"). Post a comment with your song title suggestions.

I am sure some band will make good use of these. (Perhaps "Cake".)

Monkeys Essay Contest

J was playing with his monkey tonight. In the background, "Shock the Monkey" played on the CD player. H sang to J, making up new words as he went:

"Monkey, fur so tasty
Monkeeeeey, something's burning
Monkey, your fur's on fire"

Inevitably, this led us to question this song's significance. We are certain that it has a deep and powerful meaning, just as do all Peter Gabriel songs. (I mean, just look at the powerful symbolism juxtaposed with the subtle nuances found in "Sledgehammer", and you'll see what we mean). But we just can't quite figure it out. Maybe we're too tired. Or maybe the song's depth and power is just lost on we weak-minded neophites. Perhaps someone with greater clarity and intelligence can assist.

Here are the words:

**************
Cover me when I run
Cover me through the fire
Something knocked me out' the trees
Now I'm on my knees
Cover me, darling please
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don't you know you're going to shock the monkey

Fox the fox
Rat out the rat
You can ape the ape
I know about that
There is one thing you must be sure of
I cannot take any more
Darling, don't you monkey with the monkey
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don't you know you're going to shock the monkey
Shock the monkey

Monkey, wheels keep turning
Monkeeeeey, something's burning
Monkey, don't like it but I guess I'm learning

Shock!
Shock!
Shock! - watch the monkey get hurt, monkey

Cover me, when I sleep
Cover me, when I breathe
You throw your pearls before the swine
Make the monkey blind
Cover me, darling please

Monkey, too much at stake
Monkeeeeey, ground beneath me shake
Monkey, and the news is breaking

Shock!
Shock!
Shock! - watch the monkey get hurt, monkey

Shock the monkey
Shock the monkey
Shock the monkey to life
Shock the monkey to life
Shock the monkey to life
Shock the monkey to life

Shock the monkey
(Shock the monkey)
Shock the monkey
(Shock the monkey)

Shock the monkey

Shock the monkey to life

**************
Does anyone care to discuss this further? Is it symbolic of anything in particular? Is it a deep and meaningful discussion from the mind of a creative genius? Political commentary, perhaps? Paul and his yo-yos? Or what? Does it mean anything to you personally?

And why can you fox the fox, rat out the rat, and ape the ape, but yet you are forbidden to monkey with the monkey? Isn't that sort of discriminatory? Do the monkeys have any basis to proceed with a class action?

So...

Leave your comment, detailing your interpretation of these intensely deep and thought provoking lyrics. (Your essays will be graded on content, spelling and grammar. Not really; we just want to see what you all have to say on the subject. The prize will be our undying awe for your creativity.)

If you are here. and you know someone who might like to participte in this ground-breaking "essay contest", please direct them to:

http://lovemyjared.blogspot.com/2005/09/monkeys-essay-contest.html

Alright. Movie night. My place

Nobody ever did get the mysterious movie #2. This is not a reflection on anyone but me. It appears that I have forgotten to get all of my friends to watch this movie. I don't understand how that happened ... I used to be much more forceful about this.

So we will be scheduling a movie night at our place at some future date, just so I can get everyone to watch one of my favorite movies of all time - the first pre-recorded movie I ever owned - the one that started that rather large collection - the one, the only:



(Yes, that is Madeline Kahn in her first full-length, not-made-for-TV movie. And yes, I know it's "Barbra" as opposed to "Barbara", but I can't be bothered to fix the typo tonight. Whatever. Sue me.)

Movie Madness!!

J decided to start his day at 6:00 today. I am trying to lull him back to sleep. He loves staring at the computer screen, so it seemed like a good time to do this particular meme. (I should add that my camera is still low on batteries, and that is why I am not taking the opportunity to upload more pictures of J.) So here is the meme that many of my friends are now doing:

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies and choose one still from each movie.
2. Post those stills in your journal.
3. Have your friends guess which movie goes along with each screen still.

Here are mine:

1. What's Eating Gilbert Grape (Nezbitt)

2. What's Up Doc? (Nobody got it!)

Edited September 22, 2005 @ 5:57 p.m. to say:

At the request of the lovely and talented Miss Dottie P., here is a better picture of the wonderful redheaded actress in movie #2:


I hope that helps.

End of edit.

3. From the Hip (Dottie P.)

4. If Lucy Fell (morgoid)

5. Better Off Dead (morgoid)

6. Life is Beautiful (Dottie P.)

7. When Harry Met Sally (Dottie P.)

8. The Usual Suspects (Nezbitt)

9. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead (theatre_mommy)

10. Benny & Joon (Dottie P.)

11. Kiss Me Kate (va1kyrie)

12. Ruthless People (theatre_mommy)

13. Malice (theatre_mommy)

14. Philadelphia (Dottie P.)

15. Arsenic & Old Lace (va1kyrie)

They're probably all really easy. And if HD plays, she'll get them all immediately, I'm sure. But there we go anyway.

Anyone care to hazard their guesses?

Howard is...

I got this concept from va1kyrie. It is fun!

Put "[your name here] is" in quotes in a Google search, and post your favorite responses. Here are mine:

Howard is For Kids this Summer.
Howard is 15 miles north of York, just off the A64.
Howard is well researched and draws frightening conclusions.
Howard is in a dusty garage in Hampton with a roomful of trophies.
Howard is ready to be Prime Minister.

Try it. You'll like it. That's an order. From your Prime Minister.

My Slanguage Profile

Your Slanguage Profile

Canadian Slang: 100%

Aussie Slang: 50%

British Slang: 50%

Prison Slang: 50%

Southern Slang: 25%

Victorian Slang: 25%

New England Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

I Have a Soul (or so they tell me)

Soul ranger
You scored 16 soulful!

You are loving life and everything in it.
Doing anything is not just a new thing, but it is a life affirming experience that brings even more depth to your mindset on every occurrence.

You can talk the talk and walk the walk, philosopically speaking.

Your friends probably come to you for advice and insight into things that they haven't got yet. Most of them probably think you are a bit weird, but like your company nonetheless. You don't see your friends in the same light as yourself, except for maybe the odd one or two who know exactly where you are coming from and are probably on the same par as you.

Just don't let all this go to your head and become a spirital wanker who puts 'Blessed Be' at the end of your emails or tells everyone that they're a druid.


If you liked my test, send it to your friends!
The Do you have a soul Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=6251677709245916484

I Robot

The Personality Defect Test says I'm a Robot:

You are 71% Rational, 28% Extroverted, 28% Brutal, and 14% Arrogant.
You are the Robot! You are characterized by your rationality. In fact, this is really ALL you are characterized by. Like a cold, heartless machine, you are so logical and unemotional that you scarcely seem human. For instance, you are very humble and don't bother thinking of your own interests, you are very gentle and lack emotion, and you are also very introverted and introspective. You may have noticed that these traits are just as applicable to your laptop as they are to a human being. In short, your personality defect is that you don't really HAVE a personality. You are one of those annoying, super-logical people that never gets upset or flustered. Unless, of course, you short circuit.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.


Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Class Clown.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Emo Kid, and the Haughty Intellectual.

Who Am I?

I took the Personality Defect Test. I got it from human_loser.

I believe I am either the "Spiteful Loner" or the "Robot". I can't decide if I am more gentle than brutal or the other way around. I do know that when I actually take the test, I end up in the 42-58% region on all points, except that I am decidedly introverted. So I can fall into any category that is introverted. And clearly I do, since if I take the test a second time with exactly the same answers, I will fall into a different category than I did the first time!

Initially, the test said I was the "Bitch-Slap", but that can't be right. I am more rational than intuitive. FAR more rational than intuitive. A second run said "Robot", and a third pegged me as a "Spiteful Loner".

(I know - trust me to check the test out to see if the same results display each time, huh?)

Signature Strengths

My Signature Strengths

1. Capacity to love and be loved
2. Fairness, equity, and justice
3. Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
4. Kindness and generosity
5. Gratitude

Authentic Happiness - Signature Strengths Survey