Baby got teeth

So, N cut his very first tooth today. Just a tiny little speck peeking out from his bottom gums, but sharp as all get out. No wonder he was acting so grumpy. His cheeks are all red, and he's been lapping up the Tylenol. Quite inconsollable. Sure must hurt him. Hurts me too. Every time he bites.

**********
I'm still pretty sick. The cough has turned bad. I'll omit details, because it's gross and nobody really wants to read the finer points about what you coughed up today. But it's been rough, and I'm really tired, and then I started fearing really bad stuff, because that's what you do when you're displaying truly awful symptomology for more than a few days. So I headed to a walk-in clinic this evening to get things checked out. Two hours later, we knew with certainty that it's nothing especially horrible. But it's not just the common cold either. I've got bronchitis. So I have an antibiotic, and some Codeine cough syrup, and I'll hopefully be feeling better in a few days. Chest x-ray scheduled for the new year, just to make sure things are okay because ... well ... gross details omitted again. But I'm sure the x-ray will be all clear, and everything will be just fine.

("Am I contagious?", I asked. "No. You're infectious", came the doctor's reply. I just love semantics, don't you?)

I got home from the doctor after picking up my antibiotic. I told H I have bronchitis. That's why I've been so sick. That's why my energy has been shot. I want to take my drugs and pass out now, so I can get better. H responded to my glassy-eyed stare by telling me that he's just exhausted tonight, and then asking me to please put both kids to bed and help him carry J's big Christmas present down to the basement before taking the smaller one down by myself, and also, could I please wash the dishes and cook up those pork chops tomorrow. Then he proceeded to lay down on the couch and watch an episode of Law & Order before having a leisurely bath and going to bed before me.

I didn't even kill him a little bit. Too tired. Maybe tomorrow.

Master of the house

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom. In the kingdom lived a happy king and a happy queen. King H and Queen T could do whatever they wished. They had lots of money, slept late on weekends, and could watch any television programs that they chose. And there was much rejoicing throughout the land.

One day, a brave knight named Sir J arrived at the kingdom and there was much rejoicing. But Sir J screamed and cried and needed much care. And as he grew, he became a total crankypants. He took some of the money. And some of the sleep. And most of the television programming became much more cartoonish. King H and Queen T were happy to have Sir J in their kingdom, but they were also very tired, a fact that made them cross much more frequently. But King H and Queen T and Sir J all learned to live together, for the most part in peace and harmony, and life was mostly good.

A few years passed, and a baby named N arrived at the kingdom and there was much rejoicing. N was a good baby. A sweet baby. He loved to eat and sleep and be played with, and he rewarded all of his minions with many smiles and giggles. And though he too took some of the money and some of the sleep, the kingdom continued to function well. Everybody loved N, as he was very cute and very chubby and very happy. Sir J loved N very deeply, and sang to him, and offered him many toys. And despite the poverty, exhaustion, and cartoonish television programming, the kingdom was essentially a happy place.

And then N started to cut teeth. And he developed a loud and high pitched shriek, the likes of which has never been heard. And upon seeing how everyone raced to his aid when he made that noise, N decided to use it for everything. And the kingdom became a much louder place. King H and Queen T were very tired and cross. Even Sir J became frustrated with his beloved N. And while he continued to sing songs to N, they were delivered in loud staccato tones. Finally, having reached the conclusion that all babies cry all of the time, Sir J began to search for a solution.

**********
After a particularly bad night with resultant morning drama, this conversation was heard in the kingdom:

H: I didn't order a baby that cries all the time. It must have been you.
T: I didn't do it either. Maybe we could trade him in for another baby.
H: (incredulously) Another baby?
T: Or, you know, something else. Like maybe a fish tank.
H: Or magic beans.
J: Or a play-doh barber shop?

**********
And this is how Sir J became the owner of a brand new play-doh barber shop. You can't judge us. You weren't there.

Rotten day

Don't you hate it when you're laid up with a broken knee that you got when you fell down the stairs after tripping over the cat in a bizarre laundry-related incident, and your generally happy 4-month old chooses this moment to start cutting teeth, and the Tylenol doesn't make him feel much better and the Orajel doesn't last long enough, and you can't figure out how else to soothe him because what he really likes is movement, but you can't pick him up and carry him around because you're on crutches and you just don't have that many hands or that much coordination, so you put him in his swing to try to soothe him only to discover that the swing batteries are now dead and the swing will no longer rock in the particular rhythm to which your 4-month old has become accustomed and no other rhythm will pacify him, and you can't fix this because all of the batteries are kept in an inconveniently situated cupboard that you can't easily get to with the crutches, and they're also in a heavy case so that, even if you could get to it, you can't pick it up and sort through it while on the crutches because of the aforementioned lack of hands and coordination, and so you can't keep your 4-month old happy no matter what you do, so you just have to try to keep smiling and crooning to him in soothing tones while he screams directly in your ear in a piercing tone that sounds like some kind of demented whale in heat while your cat tears around the house like a bat-out-of-hell making bizarre noises as he tries to catch that one housefly that just won't die?

Yeah. Me too.

Wanna play?

Every time I see you anywhere near me, I cry

My sister stopped by today. It sure was nice to see her. As an added bonus, she brought fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. I love chocolate. And cookies. Yummy!

Sis was looking forward to some baby snuggling time. But N absolutely did not want Sis. He had no problem making this abundantly clear either. Every time Sis would touch N, he would cry. She would hold him and he would immediately start screaming long and loud, stopping shortly after she passed him back to me. She would touch his hand and he would stick his bottom lip out in a perfect pout before dissolving completely, burying his head against my shoulder and weeping. At 4 months old, he's a little young to be making strange, so I really don't know what he found so objectionable about her attentions.

What's wrong, N? Is her pretty blonde hair too bouncy? Her skin too tanned? Do you question her intentions? Dislike chocolate chip cookies? Do you sense that she is a dog person, whereas you are a cat person? Do you object to her political views? Or are you just a big ol' grump who is getting new teeth and really wants his mommy?

Please don't take it personally, Sis. It's not you. It's N. He is teething and grumpy. He loves you. And I love you. (Also: Cookies = Yum!)

Thank you. Come again. Also, bring more cookies. 'Cause: Yum!

All apologies

Dear N,

I know that your teeth hurt. And I know that you are tired of being in your swing. And I know that you want to be held, and cuddled, and fed copious amounts of fresh milk until you pass out in a happy little delirium with milk dribbling down your chin, dreaming of sugarplum fairies and really hot cars. And I think that's great. Those are lovely ambitions. Everyone should have a goal.

I understand that you are displeased with me, your humble servant. I appreciate that you feel my performance is less than stellar, as I am not quick enough to respond and cater to your every whim. But must you be quite so forceful in expressing your displeasure?

Seriously. Stop it.

I have fed you. A lot. I have held you, cuddled you, whispered sweet nothings and cooed to you as I looked deeply into your big blue eyes and smiled happily at you. I have given you Tylenol for your teeth, changed your diaper, burped you, and wiped the spittle from your face. I have pushed you in your swing just exactly the way you like to be pushed, sung songs to you, and ensured that your little stuffed-kitties-on-a-teething-ring toy is always close-by. And I sincerely don't know what more you could want. You have been treated like royalty. You have been fed, changed, snuggled, drugged ... this type of treatment would make most people very happy. But not you, oh my sweet baby of doom. You will not be content until you have thoroughly demonstrated your incredible vocal powers, so that all of the neighbours may take note and fully appreciate your amazing gift.

Why do you scream at me with such ferocity, making my head throb and my ears bleed as you permanently damage my hearing with your high pitched shrieks of rage? Your needs have been met insofar as I can meet them. It is perfectly apparent that you are tired and should just go to sleep now. And if you would stop screaming long enough to close your eyes and drift off into peaceful slumber, I feel you would quite enjoy it.

I know I would.

Love,

Your Mother

Your goose is cooked

Out tonight. Passed a sign.

Canada Goose
No Entry
Except Boat
and Trailer
H: Because geese have to use the servant's entrance. We don't want that kind coming in here, you know. Now go around to the back, or your goose is cooked.

T: I see. I suppose you can bring in the boat and trailer. But you have to push them by hand, because you can't bring in a car. And you certainly can't hook them up to a team of Canada Geese!

H: See, and as I read it, the geese aren't allowed to enter unless they're bringing a boat and trailer with them. And they'd better be pushing them by hand, since geese can't drive.

**********

You, sir, should not be successful. You, sir, are undeserving of success. But you, sir, are successful. Very successful. And therefore, I conclude that karma has failed. I ponder this. And I wonder if my theories on poetic justice are lacking in some way.

I hope you are bald.

**********

On a different and more important note, marks are out. I'm trying to make my peace with it. It's a 78%. It annoys me that it's so low. But at least it's a passing grade and I don't have to retake the class. That's a good thing.

Bad grade. And my pretty sisal purse fell in the mud today.

Baby's teething and crabby. And he thinks it's funny when I sternly admonish him for doing dangerous things. And he beat me up. With a kitchen utensil that he was playing with today. And risked life and limb attempting a climbing activity that I could not prevent; I just had to keep grabbing him and saying "No". And he laughed and tried it again. What a fun game!

When nothing else worked, I resorted to using a time-out, and I put him in his crib briefly. Ten minutes to chill out. I'd prefer to do this over having him continue his actions and possibly get hurt. I have no way to bar him from the activity in question, and I have to teach him that it's dangerous and that he oughtn't to do that.

He was most upset at being in his crib for ten minutes (I timed it). When I went back to get him, he refused to be consoled. I cuddled him and talked gently to him, telling him how much I love him and how I just don't want him to get hurt. He can't understand me, but he knows I love him. He calmed down. He played. And he didn't repeat the dangerous activity for quite some time. But he tested the waters again eventually.

We went out.

I've been tired and hot and crabby. But I am glad that it is cooling down a bit now, and I am thankful for the rain.

I am at peace. J is asleep. H is watching television and talking on the phone. And it is good.

Various J stuff

When crawling, J will periodically stop for a rest. He'll lay his head down on the floor. We are expected to put our head down next to his. Then he laughs.

Not that J crawls a great deal these days. He can take about 8 steps at a time now. He's enjoying his newfound skill. Soon, there will be no stopping him. But in our living room, as soon as he heads for the stairs, he invariably trips over the front paw of his big stuffed lion and down he goes. Then he's easier to catch, as he crawls toward the stairs.

We have a baby gate now. I think we'll need to pick up a second one, though, to keep J out of the kitchen area. He does dearly love to explore.

J now has 8 teeth. I went to brush them this morning, and was dismayed to discover that the cats had stolen J's toothbrush some time during the night. Apparently, it makes a lovely cat toy. We will pick up a new toothbrush for J today, and will make sure it is locked up tight.

J has a new toy. It's a MegaBlocks Robot that we picked up for $3.50 from Once Upon a Child. It's cool! It lights up. And when you push down on it, it winds up and then rolls across the floor really fast. He loves it. According to J, the best feature is that the arms come off and the hand parts can easily be put into his mouth for easy arm carrying.

J has developed a sign for "milk". He smacks his lips together repeatedly, and that means he wants his milk now. It's really cute!

In other news, my garden is growing nicely. I only lost a couple of plants through the winter. They will be easily replaced, so not a big deal. Sadly, my big clump of delphiniums has been overtaken by worms for the second year in a row. Last year, I got to it early and managed to kill them. But this year, they seem to have won. We'll rip the plant out and replace it with a non-infested plant. If we get a chance to go the greenhouse today, we will. I don't know though. H is still not feeling very well, and I've got studying to do. Five more sections in Module 10, plus 2 computer illustrations to work through, and then I can start studying for the dreaded exam on June 8. Eek! That's coming up way too quick.

On a positive note, J is feeling a bit better now, though he's still not quite himself just yet. But he's eating again. Not much, but every little bit helps. It's all good. Hopefully, he'll be all back to normal very soon. And hopefully, I can continue to fight off this nasty bug that's overtaken my family.

That's about it for us. I hope everyone has a lovely day!

Arise and walk, my son

J walked today. He's taken maybe a step or two before, going between objects, as he cruises around holding onto the furniture. But today, he took around 5 little steps, totally unsupported. First he stood unsupported for quite some time, and then he walked over to the cardboard box that he was wanting.

I was happy that I was there to see it. I would have been sad to have missed that milestone.

J has cut more teeth. He now has 3 teeth on the bottom and 4 on top. Hopefully soon, he will be able to eat more solid food. He's still mostly into pureed food, unless it's a bread product. He ate french fries, and thought they were kind of yummy. But we won't give them to him often. I hope he'll learn to eat better very soon. We'll keep working at that one.

Tonight, J decided that he is the jealous type. We went to visit a friend who has two young children, one being a baby just a couple of months older than J. I tickled the baby. J sat there, watching us. Then he snarled. And then he growled. (Seriously! He actually went "Grrrrrrrrrr".) Apparently, I am not to pay attention to strange babies. It angers the J.

Can't wait until this exam is over, and then I can hang with J more through summer. I feel good about my decision to take summer away from school. It is a wise choice. I am, as usual, less than confident about my exam. I hope I pass; I don't want to have to look at this course again. The next 17 days promise to be extremely busy. I will be missing my family horribly as I hang out away from home, trying to get through the last 2 modules and prepare for my exam. (I can't get anything done here.)

17 more days of crazy panicked studying, and then my life is mostly my own again for nearly 3 whole months! YIPPEE!!

That must really hurt!

Poor little J!

He is finally asleep. He's been really fussy today. He's just a big pile of tears and drool. I think his teeth are really bugging him. I really hope those top teeth poke through soon, so he's a bit more comfortable. I hate it when my little baby is in pain. (And, as an aside, his screaming is also painful for the rest of the household.)

He won't eat much when his teeth hurt, and that is just untimely since his weight has dropped off and we're trying to get it back up. I'm supposed to be feeding him 6 times a day just now (solids and breast milk), but I could barely get him to eat 3 decent meals today. He doesn't even want the breast milk! His little nose is all runny, and he just cries and cries.

I can't check to see how close the teeth are to the surface; if I put my finger in his mouth, he bites. Hard. He's drawn blood, in fact. So all I can do is guess. From his temperament and drooling (et al), I think they are close. Oh, do I ever hope so.

Also: H is sick. He never quite got over that Christmas cold that we all had, and it has come back in full force. A violent choking cough accompanies this current bout. I hope he feels better soon. He may have to call in sick tomorrow. Poor H!

More teeth, they are a-comin'

Diaper rash. Drooling. Red cheeks. Warm. Crying. Not sleeping well. Super-cuddly. Wanting to be held during naps. Looking sort of "spaced out".

Poor little guy! This must really be uncomfortable.

He cried through most of the night. I am in a fog. He sleeps now, at last. I must study. Or sleep. Can't decide.

Must study more today. Must get to grocery store.

Must ... zzzzzzzzz ...

Moody Mama

Baby sleeping.
Daddy sweeping.
Mommy weeping.

I am in a mood. (Once more? Still? At this point, who can tell?) No good reason, and no good can come of it.

Missed swimming this morning. We had so much on the go this weekend, and just felt it didn't make a lot of sense to take time out to go to swimming, especially with the three other kidlets we go to see away ill today. No point. We'll register for more swimming in the new year. J likes swimming.

So this morning, we got an early start on some errands instead. Then J had a visit with his Grannie, and H helped his brother do some work on the house while I did a meager amount of studying and visited with H's mom. Much progress was made on the house, and I am happy about that, but unhappy with the amount of studying I accomplished. I must make up for it. Sometime.

Came home. Got new deepfreeze; a wonderful gift, which made us thankful.

H has been working on cleaning up the house, and I've been doing what I can, in between studying and caring for J, who is teething and fussy. Christmas party tonight, and Dottie's birthday party too. We'll try to attend both, but can make no promises. Tomorrow is going to be chaotic too, and will make today look calm and relaxed. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

Bad mood.
Grumpy and irritable.
Tres blah.

Memories From Today

Today, J wore his "Baby's First Christmas" outfit for the first time. It is a very cute soft red sleeper with white feet and cuffs and a red hood with little white ears. The crowning glory is the large reindeer plastered on the butt and down the backs of both legs (complete with little stick-out ears). J looks sweet in it. But the little white ears on the hood sort of resemble horns and, with the hood up and in certain moods, J looks like the demon baby that sat on Rudolph. Cute anyway, though.

(H calls J "Reindeer-Butt" now. J had oatmeal on his face, and H referred to him as "Oatmeal-Face Reindeer-Butt". And this morning, when J was wearing his Randy Raccoon blankie over his face, H called him "Raccoon-Head Reindeer-Butt". Plenty of mileage to be had with that one.)

J is in his crib now. He rolled around until he got close to the side of the crib, then started raking his soother back and forth across the slats, sort of like a tin cup on jailhouse bars. Made me laugh.

J still isn't overly interested in sitting up, but he is capable of it. We sat him up in his crib, and he stayed there for quite some time before he decided lying down was more fun. But it seems to be a matter of choice at this point in time. If we encourage him with a toy (like his little crib activity centre) he is more eager to sit. Still, he prefers to be on the move, and he won't stay still for very long.

J seems to be teething again, and I am awaiting the arrival of the top teeth now. He was more interested in gnawing on his highchair tray than he was in eating today. I have had to break out the Baby Tylenol again.

I hope J sleeps well tonight. H and I could use a decent night's sleep. Tomorrow is J's last swimming lesson, and we have a lot of other stuff on the go as well. This promises to be a very active weekend.

*sigh*

(J is developing his own language a little bit, as a means of communicating with us. When he wants something, his eyes get all wide and he juts his little chin out in the direction of the desired object and says "Mmmmm! Mmmmmmmm!" He's doing it now, and I suspect he is wanting a late night feed before he falls asleep. Off I go.)

To J on his 8 month birthday

My darling J,

I can scarcely believe you are eight whole months old today! You are getting so big. Even though you are still small for your age, I just can't believe what a big boy you are getting to be.

Today, I put away some of the clothes that are too small for you. Your fuzzy orange "Hungry Caterpillar" outfit, which was Mommy's favorite on you for so long, has been packed away for a good month now. But other favorite outfits had to be packed up today. Your little blue Winnie-the-Pooh overalls with the bear feet had to go. I held them up to you just to be sure, and I realized you would never wear them again. Mommy is glad that you are getting so big and strong, my baby, but the realization still makes her a little bit sad.

Mommy and Daddy can't remember clearly just how very tiny you were when you came into this world. We see new babies now, and we say "J was never that small!" The joke is on us; usually, we discover you were even smaller! But you look so big compared to these new little babies. When did you get so big, honey?

You have two teeth now, both on the bottom. You don't have any top teeth yet, but you have been terribly grumpy lately. Mommy suspects your top teeth are trying to emerge and she thinks they must be bugging you. Your bottom teeth are pretty big now. We can see them quite clearly when you smile or cry. But you usually hide them under your tongue, and we can't get a good look very often.

You usually wake up happy these days. You talk to yourself, and you grab your "Randy Raccoon" blanket and tell him all about your nap. And you smile at Mommy and Daddy when we come to get you. We always put you down at the bottom of your crib, lying on your back, with your handknit baby blankie spread over you and your Randy Raccoon at the top of the crib. But when you wake up, you are always lying on your tummy at the top of the crib, grabbing Randy's little paws, and frustrated because your legs are tangled up in your blankie and you can't roll back over with ease. What a restless little sleeper you are!

You have tried many fruits and veggies now. Your favorite veggie seems to be green beans, and you like mixed cereal the best out of all of the infant cereals. You like applesauce and bananas now, which is nice for Mommy, since they are easy to prepare. You smile happily when Mommy gives you Cheerios; you won't pick them up off the highchair tray on your own, but you seem to think it is fun when Mommy pops them in your mouth. And today, you tried egg yolks! You seemed to think they were pretty yummy. Mommy and Daddy just cannot believe how much you can eat! You eat probably a good cup or more of dry infant cereal over 2-3 feedings a day, plus your fruits and veggies, and now Cheerios and protein foods too. I just don't know where you put it, you little baby, you. But you just love to eat, and you can't get enough.

You find all sorts of things funny now. You laugh when Mommy sings to you, and you laugh when she tosses you into the air and catches you. You still enjoy Daddy's "Flying Baby" game, and reward him with smiles and giggles. You miss Daddy when he is away at work during the day. When he gets home in the evenings, you want nothing to do with Mommy any longer, and you insist that Daddy spend time with you. Daddy does not mind in the least!

You are a very snuggly little baby, though you do enjoy playtime alone in your crib as well. You still are not motivated to sit on your own, but we try to get you to sit up for a little while each day. You are always on the go, reaching for anything in your sight and trying to move around. You love playing with plastic measuring cups, Mommy's hair, your toes, your little plastic rings, your Baby Tad from Memaw, and certain stuffed animals (mostly Monkey and Sheepy). You can kick your feet in your crib and make Baby Tad play you songs, and that seems to make you very happy. You do not like to go to sleep, though, and it takes a lot of convincing to get you to sleep, even when you are very, very tired. But when you are very, very tired, you really love to be held close and snuggled. You plunk your head down on Mommy's shoulder with a big thud, and fight to keep your big beautiful eyes open.

Mommy loves holding you. You are a beautiful, sweet, wonderful little baby, and Mommy is so very much in love with you.

I can't believe how fortunate I am to have you. I feel so lucky, and so very blessed. I thank God for you, and I pray for you every day - that God will protect you and keep you safe, that you will grow up to be the man you were meant to be, that Mommy and Daddy will be given wisdom and patience in raising you. I am just so very glad that God has given you to us, that he allowed us to keep you even though you were at such high risk during the pregnancy. I am so very glad that you are here with us now, safe and well, and that you are growing and developing so well. I am just so very grateful for all that is you.

I love you, my little man. So very much.

Love and kisses always,

Mommy

"Cough" - A Haiku

Coughing from the chest.
Asthmatic; this can't be good.
Hacking up a lung.

***********

The doctor's office has no openings today. I need to phone tomorrow at 9:00 and try to get in then. (Their pre-booked spots are taken, but apparently they will open up more slots in the morning.) I can't afford the time away from my books, but I also can't afford to be sick for my exam. If I have to pick one of the two evils, my health must win out. It's bad enough now that I can justify seeking help. So off to the doctor I will go. I wish they could fit me in today.

I am thankful that neither H nor J appear to have caught this nasty, nasty cold as of yet. H's sinuses are acting up today, but he gets that from time to time and it may be unrelated; I really hope he doesn't get sick like this. And I hope it goes away soon. It hurts. Bad.

***********

J was so sweet yesterday. He napped in the afternoon for a number of hours; he was in his swing, which he thought was fun. (I remember when he hated that swing, but those days are long gone now.) This gave me an opportunity to get in some studying (when I probably should have been sleeping, trying to rest up and get better - my priorities are skewed just now, so sue me). I may be prepared for this exam yet.

On that note, exam prep is going reasonably well now. I am following the audio lecturer's advice in strategies for the long answer solutions (preparing financial statements) and that works pretty well. I am glad that we have the exam review audio lectures; I'd be totally lost without them. Using the lecturer's strategies, I just prepared a cash flow statement (one of my really tough areas) correctly and in a reasonable period of time! I feel quite pleased with myself this morning.

***********

J has tried a pretty good variety of fruits and veggies now. He still prefers vegetables to fruits. He is not a "sweets" kind of kid just yet, and his favorite food to date appears to be green beans. He tolerates bananas, but his favorite fruit is still pears. He tried avocado yesterday; he didn't really seem to have an opinion on it one way or the other. I like it, however, because it is easy to prepare!

His two bottom teeth are coming in nicely. Still no sign of teeth up top. And still no interest in sitting up, but he loves to roll around and "scoot" on his back by kicking his feet. He loves to explore objects with his hands and taste-test everything that comes his way. He enjoys being on his tummy, and he will lift up both his head and feet and balance on his stomach, using his hands for support. He rubs his eyes when he is tired, but he fights sleep for all he's worth.

I love him so much!

***********

I feel bad; I have many pictures to upload, but no time to do so until after my exam. Look for updates to the photos menu, possibly the first weekend in December. I make no promises, but I will try!

J tried peas tonight

He liked them. It is the most he's eaten yet. What a good baby! He seems to like thicker foods with interesting textures. I didn't make the peas really smooth, and that may have been a contributing factor. He is still quite insistent that he can feed himself, and he really tries to grab the spoon and put it in his mouth himself. So cute!

J was pretty crabby today. He got up in the wee small hours of the morning and he stayed up. He wouldn't eat his breakfast, and he was crying his little heart out for much of the day. But he ate his dinner and is now sleeping peacefully. He'll need to get up soon for a change and feeding, but we'll let him sleep as long as possible.

I think his little teeth are still bugging him; poor little man!

Chest Pains

I think they are nothing. Likely just stress. Hurts though. Back and neck out of alignment, and my arms are numbing up. Not unusual. Must see chiropractor. Soon.

Studying done for now. Much to do still, but I think I'm getting it. I hope that will continue.

J's second tooth emerged through his gum today. I can feel the sharp jagged edges with my finger. He is hurting. But he has been so sweet today, even though he's had grumpy moments. (Just ask va1kyrie, who got to hear him shrieking over the phone.) He ate almost all of his oatmeal this morning. Okay, so he really just dragged his fingers through the stuff on the spoon and then sucked on his fingers, but he still ate it. I'll take what I can get. I really love being a mommy!

Going to bed now. 'Night.

Heart full of love

J awoke at 5:30 this morning. H changed him, and I fed him. I tried to put him back in his crib for more sleep, but he just wanted to be cuddled. I held him close and rocked him, and he slowly began to drift off. I put him back in his crib, and he allowed me to sleep for a little bit longer. (In several chunks, with cuddles in between.) Not too long, mind you; he is a baby after all, and his day starts early.

Yesterday was so stressful, what with J's continual screaming fits and hair-pulling and all, that my neck is skewed to the side from tension. Not wry neck this time around; just really tense muscles that I can't seem to shake. (A direct quote from me from yesterday: "J won't stop screaming, and he keeps pulling my hair, and he's hurting me. And this is my life now.") He was so into throwing his soother on the floor that I put one of those pacifier clip thingies on him. Took him all of 20 seconds to figure out how to rip it right off. And now, he can use the string to really wind up and throw the soother across the whole room. What fun!

Today, a calm and peaceful day would be nice, but it isn't going to happen. J is teething, I have at least 3 chapters to read, and my house is a horrible mess. The house will have to wait, though; I am too gimped up to tackle that today. And I will be missing my New Moms Network offshoot group. For the second week in a row. I'm just too busy and gimped up to get there today. C'est la vie.

When J last awoke, he got fussy really fast. By the time I got him out of his crib, he was screaming and little tears were streaming down his sweet little face. I thought I was in for it for sure; we're going to have another day like yesterday, I thought. Was he hungry? Was he wet? Was he in pain? No, no, and no. What was troubling him? Well, he just wanted his mommy. I picked him up and held him close; he immediately stopped crying, cuddled up, and gave me the biggest sweetest smile ever!

He is a lot of work. And his screams could shatter glass. And some days, I feel like I've reached the end of my tether. And many times, I feel like the poorest excuse for a mother ever. I'm sleep-deprived and I can't keep on top of daily chores. My house is always a mess, and there are days when a shower and clean clothes are expendable luxuries.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

You are my child, J. I love you so much.

One little tooth

J has cut his very first tooth! It is one of the bottom front teeth, over on his right. The one on the left looks like it will follow shortly. I can see the top of the tooth, and I can feel the sharp, jagged edge with my finger. Poor wee man! No wonder he has been so horribly grumpy lately. That must really hurt.

I have doped him up with the appropriate amount of Tylenol to try and take the edge off his pain. He would not nap today, but he is asleep now. He has been screaming and pulling my hair for most of the day.

I was going to go for ice cream tonight, but I really need to try and get out of the habit of emotional eating. That's not the way to achieve the much-needed weight loss.

I hope for better days ahead.

Tension headache starting now. Two more chapters to read tonight ... I wonder if I'll remember any of it.

I am a little black rain cloud

Today, J's teeth are bugging him. My tonsils are swollen and infected again, and I'm exhausted. J has stomach cramps. H is working. I cancelled a visit with J's Memaw; I was not doing well, and I couldn't handle seeing people today. I have things to do, but can't muster the strength.

H received a phone call from me at work this morning. J was screaming in the background. He'd been screaming for awhile. By the time I phoned H, I was crying also. J was clearly in pain, and I couldn't help him. He'd had Tylenol and Anbesol, but he was still hurting. I didn't know what to do for him. It was most distressing. By the end of the conversation, I was sobbing and incoherent. Poor H was trying to understand me and be supportive, and I could barely hear him over the screaming J, as I tried to express my frustration.

What I said: "J is crying, and he won't stop, and he's in pain, and I can't help him."

What H heard: "Ja ca pa aaaaaa [squeak, squeak, squeak]."

J is napping. Finally. I feel a bit better, because he isn't in pain just now. But it occurs to me that I have not yet eaten today. This is alarmingly normal. I'd best eat now. And then... Homework? Housework? Sleep? I think the last option will win today. It is as it should be.

To J on his 6 month birthday

My darling baby boy,

I can't believe you are 6 months old already. It's been over 13 months since Mommy and Daddy first got the news that they were going to have a baby. Oh, how happy we were! Mommy wept with joy and phoned Grandma and Auntie Jan right away to tell them. She didn't even care that it was so very early in the morning and she would be waking them up. We were just so excited that we couldn't wait to share our wonderful news! Grandma and Auntie Jan didn't mind having their sleep disturbed. They were just so happy to learn that you were going to be born. There was so much joy and anticipation!

We were going to wait until after the first trimester to tell everybody else about you, but Grannie was going on a trip, so Mommy and Daddy decided that she needed to know about you right away. I remember how we took her out for pizza. When we were sitting down, we presented Grannie with a fridge magnet that read "God couldn't be everywhere, so he made grandmas". Grannie thought we were talking about your cousins down east. Even when Daddy said "You are going to be a grandma again", she didn't pick up on it. Oh, how we laughed when the waitress realized what we were saying and offered her congratulations before Grannie! But once she realized that you were coming into the world, Grannie was happy as could be. She just couldn't contain her joy.

Mommy and Daddy realized right then that their precious secret would not be kept for long. We had to let everyone know you were coming, or someone else would. There was so much joy as each new person heard the news. I remember the big smiles we got when Mommy and Daddy grandly produced two little newborn sleeper outfits they had bought for you the day they found out, and inquired of Uncle Chris and Auntie Lisa, "If you were a baby, which would you rather wear?" Auntie Lisa ran behind the concession counter where Mommy was working to give her a big hug. Similarly, many hugs and congratulations were received at work and from friends. Grannie couldn't keep the news a secret; she was just bursting with excitement. She told Great-Aunt Juliet, and before we knew it, all your Great-Aunts and Uncles knew too. We were all so happy!

I remember it all so clearly, it just doesn't seem possible that it was over a year ago!

Mommy signed up on one of those pregnancy calendar thingies, where they email you once a week to tell you all about your baby's development so far. They kept comparing you to fruit ("This week your baby is the size of a raspberry"). Daddy went out and bought raspberry ice cream to celebrate that one. And when they said that you had little paddles for hands and feet, Daddy started calling you a platypus baby. Oh, the fun Daddy had with it when you developed webbed fingers and toes! And even though Mommy was so horribly nauseous, even right away, she couldn't believe her good fortune. Morning sickness felt like winning the lottery, Mommy felt so very lucky.

You gave Mommy and Daddy a lot of scares along the way. Daddy used to joke about it; he said that once you were born he was going to periodically sneak up on you and shout "BOO!", just to get back at you for scaring us so often. (He did scare you playing "peek-a-boo" one morning, but he assures me it was unintentional.) Mommy had a lot of ultrasounds, and long periods of bed rest, and many trips to the hospital to make sure you were still okay. In one of the earlier ultrasounds, Mommy and Daddy could see you already sucking the little stub that would become your thumb!

And then, on December 1, 2004, your placenta started to pull away, and Mommy thought she was going to lose you. I have never been so scared in my life. Two of my coworkers immediately rushed me to Emergency. Daddy met me at Emergency, and we spent the whole day there just praying for all we were worth that God would spare you and bring you into the world safely. Grandma and Grandpa and all the good people from their church prayed for you also. And their friends started praying too. So many people were praying for your safe arrival. And I guess God heard all our prayers, because here you are today. But after that episode, even more ultrasounds were needed. Here you are, being all dramatic on the morning of December 15:


Mommy thought your bone structure resembled Auntie Holly's here, and she called her to tell her so. Auntie Holly was thrilled!

Mommy spent a lot of time on bedrest. Daddy was such a strength and support through it all. He worked all day and handled everything at the house as well. And he cared for you and Mommy so very well, making meals and helping Mommy when she would get sick. Once the morning sickness left, it was replaced with horrible reflux, and Daddy would have to go downstairs many times a night to get Mommy milk to help her feel better. Eventually, Mommy and Daddy learned, and a cooler was placed by the bed so Mommy could help herself during the night.

The family all pitched in and helped as much as they could too. Daddy, Uncle Chris, Grandpa and Grandma all went to town and decorated your bedroom, and Auntie Jan planned your quilt. Mommy spent a lot of time knitting your little orange blankie that you take everywhere. She received a lot of directions from Auntie Jan, because Mommy is not the best knitter. But she is proud of the fact that she completed it all by herself and Auntie Jan did not have to finish it for you. Daddy went out on his own and bought your little bassinet that you slept in for your first four or so months. And Nana brought up your change table all the way from Calgary. We were ready, and still just hoping and praying for your safe arrival.

Then suddenly, you were here. You were early, and you were small and jaundiced, but you were here. Healthy and safe. Mommy and Daddy fell in love with you as soon as they laid eyes on you. We'd spent so much time loving you and praying for you, wanting you here, hoping you'd wait, feeling your sweet little kicks from in Mommy's tummy, reading Dr. Seuss to you. We already knew you, and it was a dream come true to hold you in our arms and know that you were okay.

Mommy loves holding you in her arms now, but a big part of her still misses feeling your little kicks in her tummy. You could knock the wind right out of her. On more than one occasion, you kicked the book she was reading off of her and onto the floor! Daddy used to come and put his hand on Mommy's tummy to feel your kicks, and he was so happy when he would feel you fluttering away in there.

You were only 5 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long at birth. You were tongue-tied and colicky, and you didn't gain weight very quickly. You cried all the time! We spent a great deal of our budget on gasoline, driving you around to calm you. But we loved you so very much and did all we could for you. We got your tongue-tie fixed, went to the breastfeeding clinic to learn better techniques for feeding you, and started you on a healthier weight gain. We had your hearing checked when we realized that you didn't react to loud noises; we were very relieved to learn that you can hear perfectly and that you were just ignoring us, a skill we are sure will serve you well into your teen years. We took you in regularly for your immunizations and doctor's appointments, read to you, sang to you, and introduced you to the cats. We snuggled you and played with you, washed your laundry and comforted you when you were sad. We have loved every moment of it!

And now today, here you are. 6 months old! You can roll over all by yourself, and you grab and hold things (especially Monkey and your sucky-thing). You have favorite toys: your Monkey, rings, bedtime Pooh, your exersaucer. You have wonderful neck control and are trying to sit up on your own. You are getting teeth, though they haven't emerged yet. You reach for toys that you want, and you enjoy being sung to and playing peek-a-boo. You smile in your sleep when Mommy sings you "Love You Forever", and you enjoy "The Seals on the Bus" at playtime.

You weigh 14 lbs 6-1/2 oz today, and you are over 2 feet tall! You are so big now! We have had to start putting your clothes away as you outgrow them. You make noises - "Hi", "Ga" and of course, your favorite "Thbbbbt!" Today, you had your 6 month immunization. You sat on Mommy's lap and blew big raspberries at the nurse, and when you got your shots, you cried only briefly. Then Mommy cuddled you and you calmed down, like the big boy you are. Mommy was so very proud of you.

I love you so very much. I love you more than I ever thought was possible, and I want all good things for you. I pray for you every day and every night, that God will keep you safe and protect you, and that Mommy and Daddy will be given strength and wisdom in your upbringing. I wish for you to have the very best life, to be good and kind, strong of spirit and sweet-natured. To grow up to be the person you were meant to be.

We thank God every day for the tremendous gift that he gave us in you. It is Thanksgiving this weekend, my sweet little man, and a perfect time to reflect on you, the greatest gift I have ever received. I am so thankful to have you in my life. I am so very proud of you. Every new thing you do brings Mommy and Daddy such tremendous delight. You are the absolute brightest light in our lives. Your beautiful smile brings us such joy, your tears make us weep, and your many noises make us laugh.

I know that this letter is long, and I still don't think it has done you justice. I love you more than mere words can say. I would do anything for you; you are my best little friend, and I delight in you. I am so proud of the boy you are growing up to be.

I love you even when you throw up on me. Like now. And so I must end this letter and go get cleaned up now.

I would like you to always remember how very special you are, how wanted you were, and how very, very loved you are, my sweet precious angel.

Love you forever,

Mommy

xoxoxoxoxoxo