Parents just don't understand

J talks a lot. And his speech is fairly advanced for a 3-year old.

J: Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

His advanced speech was noted by impartial third parties at his most recent nutritionist appointment. This week, we switched over from the nutritionists we'd previously seen and started going to a clinic with occupational therapists who have trained with Dr. Kay Toomey on the steps to eating hierarchy. The new clinic has a different feel, and I believe it will be more helpful. They have already given us a number of tips to help J through his eating problems, and to help us with the stresses that come along the way.

J: The TV is disturbing me from drinking my milk and eating my banana.

We always knew to keep distractions to a minimum. No toys at the table. No eating in front of the television. But we didn't know that playing with food could be a really good thing ... using food in different ways ... familiarizing him with textures. Gradually, we move toward eating. Slowly, the food moves closer to his mouth. In time, he will get there.

For us, the key is to stay neutral. No begging. No stressing. No anger. No comments on the food that could be seen as positive or negative. So instead of "This is yummy", we say other things; "This is crunchy", for example, or "This is yellow". Or ...

T: Who’s on this cup?
J: Mickey Mouse!
T: Right! That’s Mickey Mouse! And where does he live?
J: I … um … I don’t know.
T: Disneyland.
J: Oh! Disneyland!
T: Right!
J: But why does he have a wand?
T: Because he’s Wizard Mickey.
J: Oh! He’s Wizard Mickey?
T: Yes. That’s one of his characters.
J: Oh, okay. But why is he a Lizard?
T: He’s not a Lizard. He’s a Wizard.
J: Oh!

Already a master manipulater, J really knows how to get us riled up in a big hurry. It takes some effort to maintain composure when he acts out. But we're getting better at it, with practice. For now, we work on our understanding. J is very advanced in a lot of ways and, in others, he struggles. He has a different learning style from the norm. He is extremely active. He can be very sarcastic, or very literal, depending on the moment. He tests his boundaries in unique fashion, seeming to enjoy it when we get riled up. He pushes hard, trying to see if he can get us to change our minds and give in to his wishes. Life is a power struggle.

J: I need to pee pee.
T: Okay.
J: Upstairs.
T: Okay.
J: I want you to come with me!
T: No.
J: Please? I want you to come upstairs with me!
T: No. I'm not going upstairs.
J: Please?
T: No. You can use this potty.
J: I like upstairs bathroom!
T: Why?
J: Because. I think it's more yummier than the one down here.
T: You can go upstairs by yourself.
J: No, I want you to come with me, because I love you!
T: There's nothing wrong with this bathroom.
J: No, come upstairs so I can pee!
T: Pee down here if you want me to come with you.
J: WWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

J is a pretty unique kid, who doesn't follow the patterns we've come to expect in most other children that we know. He requires a different parenting style, and we are learning what must be done and adapting to his needs. Proper communication is key.

J: Is it toast?
T: Yup. Eat it, please.
J: What?
T: Your cinnamon toast.
J: No, I’m not!

Yeah. Proper communication. Key. Yeah ...

Weight and Update

J loves his baby brother!

He gives him frequent hugs and kisses. He introduces him to people, and makes sure to use his full name. He tries to share all his toys with his baby brother. Our biggest challenge thus far has been to prevent J from killing N with kindness.

J will sit beside me as I hold N, and he will say "Mommy, can you say 'This is your big brother, J'?" He loves it when we make a point of introducing him and N.

J hasn't quite figured out that he shouldn't disturb a sleeping baby. We were over at my parents' place today. N was sleeping peacefully in his carseat. J kept hugging him, cuddling him, kissing him ... until Grandma said that if he didn't stop, she was just going to put N away. J misunderstood and thought that she meant she would keep baby N. J said "But I would be very sad". Once she realized the miscommunication, Grandma reassured J that she would not keep his baby brother ... he belongs with us.

J loves being at home more. He still enjoys Grandma and Grandpa's, and his playgroup at daycare. But he's always quite excited when he gets to spend time with Mommy. This is the result of Mommy having been on bedrest for so long ... she is a novelty now. This will wear off, I am sure. For now, though, he gets very excited that Mommy is home with him and that we can play together. Fun!

**********

N had his first pediatrician's appointment today. No concerns. He is two weeks old today. N weighed 6 lbs 14 ozs and was 18.75 inches long at birth. He is now 7.5 lbs and 20.5 inches long. He appears to be nice and healthy. I am feeling good about things. But he does have a bit of an issue with feeding. Hopefully it will resolve in another week or so, else I will be referred to the breastfeeding clinic. Ow!

**********

I'm getting some of the initial signs of PPD, despite myself. I am doing my best to combat it. But I can feel it, nonetheless. Hopefully, it will be a manageable condition. I managed with J, but it wasn't a lot of fun.

I need to remember that if I act better, I start to feel better. Focus on the actions first, and the feelings should fall into place. That's the theory, anyway. I know this works in general purpose terms. I wonder if it works with PPD too. I'll give it a shot.

Quick baby update

Saw the obstetrician today. I'm still on bed rest - at least until my next appointment, mid-January. And I've had morning sickness so bad that I have actually lost 4 pounds while pregnant. Unless things change quite dramatically, I will be on bed rest until baby is born. At best, I may at some point prior to baby's arrival be allowed limited activity, but it sounds like it would be very limited. The prognosis isn't great just now. We hope baby doesn't come too early. I'm staying very still.

At least baby's growth is on track, and things seem to be going well from that end. My body is creating the problem. But there does not appear to be any problem with our child. So we sit tight and hope that I can hang on.

Why so dumb, chum?

I fed J some apple pieces the other night. He decided that he only likes the juice, and he spat out the chewed up pieces once he'd gotten the yummy juice out. Then he tried to give them to me in a most unpleasant way, resulting in a new episode of "Things You Never Thought You'd Hear Yourself Say":

"Mommy does not want to eat your regurgitated apple bits.

**********

I went to the doctor last Monday. I said that I appeared to have developed a bladder infection. A urinalysis showed nothing. I was on antibiotics for the bronchitis, so shouldn't have developed a bladder infection. I was told to drink cranberry juice and go back to see them on Friday if I still didn't feel better.

I decided that this meant I had developed a severe case of hypochondria. There is nothing wrong with me. And if I simply ignore it, it will go away.

Friday.
Saturday.

And on Sunday, I was in such tremendous discomfort that I could no longer ignore the situation. It's real, dang it! I went back to the doctor. But if it's real, and it's not a bladder infection, what could it be?

I had roughly three hours to ponder that while I waited in the doctor's office for it to be my turn. I was not bored, for I got to run to the bathroom every ten minutes. I was even given a little cup by the nurse so that they could check in the office rather than sending me out to a lab. "But it's not a bladder infection" I thought inwardly; "we've already established that". Confident that my urinalysis would reveal nothing, and that it wasn't all in my head either, I waited to discover just what the heck else might be causing the symptoms I'd been exhibiting.

Saw the doctor.

It's not all in my head. I should have known that. Because it appears that there is nothing in my head.

I have a severe bladder infection. It's resistant to the antibiotics I was taking. I needed new antibiotics. Five-day course. And if it's still like this at the end of the treatment, I will need to take an anti-spasmodic drug to finish the job.

It hurts. A lot.

I feel foolish. I should have trusted myself. Shouldn't have waited so long. Should have persisted after the first test showed nothing. Probably should have just made them redo the test. But I did none of these things. And now, I will have to endure this intense discomfort for a longer period of time.

At least I went back before it worked its way up into my kidneys. That's a good thing, right?

A day off!!

Today, I took the day off. I stayed home with J. It was wonderful!

We had a huge list of things to accomplish. In actuality, we accomplished very little.

We were supposed to:

Go visit H at work, then meet J's Memaw for coffee at 11:00. From there, we would go to my workplace where they were doing "The Cat's Away" while the partners are at conference. We would join my coworkers for the noon hour games and pizza party. Then we would go and visit a couple of old workplaces of mine so everyone could see how sweet J is now. And then, we would go to J's doctor's appointment.

I knew this would not go according to plan. How did I know this? Because I am not delusional, for one. But also, I just haven't forgotten what it is like to be a stay-at-home mom. Nothing goes according to your well-orchestrated plans. Accept it.

Last night, J woke up at 1:00 a.m. He lay in his crib, cooing: "Mama; Daddy" over and over for a bit. Then he stood up and screamed. I relented and brought him to bed with us. Where he continued to fuss. Eventually, I moved him back into his own crib. He awoke for the day exactly one hour later. It was extremely early. He was extremely angry. I was extremely exhausted. He is apparently getting his molars. I wonder when they will pop through?

J was tired today. I tried to feed him breakfast. Oatmeal? He threw it. It coats things nicely. I washed up. Me, J, the floor, the toys ... Fine. We'll save the oatmeal for later. Apple? He threw it at the cat. Cat doesn't like apple. But cat does enjoy a nice bowl of oatmeal that is being saved for later. Chase cat off counter, and throw out half cat-eaten oatmeal. Desperate now. Arrowroot cookies? J's favorite! J eats most of two cookies, then insists that he is done.

Take J to living room. Watch Sesame Street. Tremendous fun is had! I miss watching Sesame Street with J.

Take J upstairs. Change and get ready for the day's busy activities. Take J to give him a new diaper before we go out. J lies on the table, and looks weepy and forlorn. I figure it out. J is tired. I pick J up, and I put him in his crib. J curls up with his Panda and his blankie and falls asleep immediately.

Call H and explain delay. Call Memaw and move plans to later.

Do quiz for school. A moment of peace like this may not arrive again, and I should take full advantage of it. I got a couple of questions wrong, but the quiz only counts for 3% of my final mark. I got 2.5 out of 3, so that will be just fine. I could still get 99.5% in this class. I won't; but I could.

Review student lounge. Get annoyed. Students should stop asking the same questions over and over. They should read responses that went before. They should read the handbook. And perhaps the materials that came with their course. And they should post with descriptive subject lines, and not just say nondescript things like: "Question". And they should start new subjects when asking questions of the course tutor which are unrelated to the thread they are currently in. Don't ask a question about installing Accpac on your system in a thread that asks about a quiz!! Accpac isn't on the quiz!!

I am impatient. People in this program should be literate. Other students do not want to hold your hand and walk you through the printed material. The course clearly says when things are due. It tells you how to install Accpac. It talks about accessing the midterm. It details computer requirements. Quit asking stupid questions that are spelt out for you! And another thing ...

J wakes up.

Skip work activities. J is up now, but he is still tired and irritable. Phone time with friends instead. Yesssss!

Go meet Memaw. J screams through entire visit. And refuses to eat anything except Memaw's special currant cookies. Arrowroots aren't yummy enough after that; no sirree. J wouldn't even try them. Fun to see Memaw, but this was just not relaxing. But (and this is important), I have now tasted the world's best cup of hot chocolate. OMG, it was fantastic! It's "The Pomegranate" French hot chocolate. (They also make Belgian hot chocolate, but it's apparently not as sweet.) This special treat consisted of big chunks of French chocolate, ground up and melted into steamed milk, then frothed to perfection. Heavenly! (Nez would swoon, I swear.)

Not a good day to visit people, be they former coworkers or H at work. J is too screamy. I don't know why. But we skip the visits, and I drive J home. I give him Tylenol, thinking his teeth are probably hurting. He spits the Tylenol out on the carpet. He screams. He cries. He will not be consoled. Is he hungry? I try to give him pieces of bagel with cream cheese. J licks the cream cheese off, then throws the bagel pieces around the room. I make a mental note to vacuum later.

And off we go to the doctor. Let's weigh the baby. How's he doing? We're sure he's gained weight. He's eating a bit better these days. He doesn't throw up any longer. We've been relieved.

But that's over now. J has not gained weight. J has lost weight again. I am given a list of very specific instructions on ways to clog my child's arteries and kill him by the age of two get his weight back up. I leave, determined to follow the doctor's orders, help my baby to put on weight, and be a good mommy. J screams. Frustrated and at the end of my tether, I scream back. I am a terrible mommy. I apologize, and then sing "Baby I Love You" all the way home to make up for my tantrum. J likes "Baby I Love You".

We get home, and I make J a pile of sugar and grease special calorie-enhanced grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. J eats about half of it. H doesn't realize what it is and takes a bite before I can stop him. I think he's stopped vibrating now, and the colours have probably returned to normal. I hope so, anyway.

How to make J a grilled cheese sandwich nowadays:

1. Butter two slices of bread.
   
2. Spread a spoonful of Polycose calorie-enhanced powder (carbs and sugar; yum yum) over the buttered side of each slice of bread.
   
3. Layer several slices of full-fat cheese on the buttered side of one piece of bread and top with the other piece (buttered side down).
   
4. Melt lavish amounts of stick butter in a frying pan and put sandwich in the hot butter.
   
5. Add more butter. It should come halfway up the side of the sandwich.
   
6. Turn the sandwich periodically with a spatula, to brown both sides.
   
7. Add more butter. It should continue to be halfway up the side of the sandwich during the cooking process.
   
8. When the sandwich is nearly done, stop adding butter. Continue to turn the sandwich periodically.
   
9. Sandwich is done when it is a nice golden-brown and (and this is important) there is no more butter left in the frying pan.

Now, doesn't that sound yummy? I mean intensive care, leave your worries behind you, I hope you've done up a Will before you eat this, kind of yummy? Have you experienced heart failure just reading about it? Yes. That's what I thought.

J had a Minigo for dessert. More Polycose mixed into that. And milk. With Polycose. Polycose must be added to every component of every meal. It should be a separate food group on the Canada Food Guide. But it's not, and I hate giving it to my child.

Later, H vacuumed, and I took J for a nice walk. J was in the stroller, and we went down by the lake. It was a lovely time! J fell asleep in the stroller. Later, we canceled out on plans to visit with friends and eat pie this evening, because we were so excited that J was sleeping.

Probably just as well; I'd forgotten to take a tub of Polycose, a stick of butter, and a deep fat fryer to "enhance" J's pie-eating experience.

Why can't J be a healthy, chubby little baby, while I have problems gaining weight? Wny do I gain five pounds every time I look at a picture of a carrot in a menu?

I still feel fat. And I'm a bit irritable this evening. But tomorrow is a new day. I go back to work, and J goes back to daycare with specific instructions to fatten him up like a Thanksgiving Day turkey.

Pleasant.

J and the hospital

Well, for the second time in the past year, I have had to take my son to the hospital for testing. I have had to take time away from work. I have had to pay for parking. And I have been told the same thing each time.

There is nothing physically wrong with my son. He can hear; he's just ignoring us. He can eat; he just doesn't want to. Because he is stubborn. Stubborn and headstrong and contrary.

I don't know why he is like that. He must get it from his Auntie Holly.

City Hall

We took J to City Hall for some fun in the fountain.

He was unimpressed. The water was cold.

J had a doctor's appointment today. He weighs 21 pounds now! We can turn the carseat around to forward facing at long last. I think he'll like that.

The doctor is worried about J's poor eating. J is being referred to a specialist who will work with us to see why J has such a sensitive gag reflex. I hope they can help him. I wish he ate better.

Tonight, I started putting away more clothes that don't fit J. It made me sad. He's still such a sweet little guy, but he's getting so big. I can't believe some of this stuff used to fit him. I'm prolonging clearing out all the too small clothes, because once I do that there will be room in J's room for the crib, and I'll have to move him out of our room. I know it's time; I just don't want to.

H is going to the doctor

He doesn't have a GP, so he will be going to the Medicentre, the source of all evil. But my GP isn't taking any new patients, and the Medicentre is open late, so that is where he must go. He will go after work.

H has had this cold since before Christmas. He just keeps on passing it on to J and myself. Now J has this ear infection on top of it. I have asthma, so colds are not something that I can afford to catch repeatedly, and I can only fight it off for so long. He has to get over it, one way or another.

I'm tired of all the balled up kleenexes. I'm tired of listening to the hacking cough (with or without the subsequent vomiting). I'm tired of not getting enough studying in, because I am either sick or looking after J throughout the evenings when H is sick. I'm tired of having to take inhalable steroids to combat my asthma when I catch it. I'm tired of listening to J cough and splutter when it overtakes him.

And I am particularly tired of going to bed accompanied by the sickening stench of Vick's Vaporub. I can't get H to stop using it. I've asked. Begged. Pleaded. But I can't get H to stop using it. Tonight, I swear he took a bath in the stuff. My sleep is suffering because I can't go to bed until really late, as the smell is too strong early on. And H is a night owl, so that means I am up into the wee small hours of the morning, waiting for the smell to dissipate. J doesn't really let me catch up on missed sleep during the day. And H is too sick to look after J for very long in the evenings. (Tonight, I had to stop studying because H didn't wake up when J was crying, so I needed to go and tend to J.) I may be sleeping in a chair in the nursery tonight, just so it will be a tad bit more bearable. But you know, the smell has seeped into the entire house now, and the nursery is almost as bad. J threw up tonight, and I briefly thought it smelled of Vaporub. I'm not even sure I can get away from the pungent aroma in the basement any longer.

I dearly hope the Medicentre can help H. Else, I may begin to get testy.

Remembrance Day

H and I took J to the Cenotaph this morning for Remembrance Day. It was a good service. We were late, though, as J had a doctor's appointment first. We thought it was unusual that the doctor's office was open today, but it was fine by us; J needed to be seen. He is fine. We finally got to introduce J to H's friend, JL. With his three children and our lives being so busy these days, we have not seen him at all since J's birth. I was glad that we finally got to see him.

This afternoon, I met up with shiny gal and va1kyrie for a tour of Second Cup Country. H looked after J, who fussed and complained, but H managed well. Shiny gal and I saw a unique sign today; H will have to get a picture of it for the blog later. It read "Video STD $0.99". Made me laugh! (As did the fact that my blog's spellcheck system does not recognize the word "blog".)

I have been studying this evening. Working on my last module for the course. I have a quiz to complete by Wednesday, and then I get to start my exam prep. The final is on the 30th, and that is coming up way too quickly. I am nervous.

Tomorrow, we have some errands to run and I have a lot of work to do on my course. But I also need to take some time out to go on a run to 'Chelle's gravesite. Recent newspaper articles have brought up some feelings from my past. The result? I find myself having issues with history this week, and I need to iron them out. Logically, I know that 'Chelle's spirit is not in her grave and she can hear me no better there than she can anywhere else, but the headstone will give me something to talk at, and I feel that I need that just now.

I miss her. Even when I get angry, I miss her.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Well, J has bronchiolitis. Nothing serious. He has a cough and a sore throat, and he's a bit congested. T and I went for dinner with L&P tonight. J has been really warm and sleepy for the last couple of days, and he started coughing late last night. But he was ok this evening, so we figured the worst was over and we could go out.

But on the way home, J started crying and coughing again, and T got nervous (paranoid new mom) and insisted we take him to a doctor. Fortunately, all seems to be ok. They want us to watch him for about a week and, if the cough persists, he'll get checked out again. In the meantime, they prescribed Triaminic infant drops.

We went to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription (which they don't make any more - and it was an over the counter medicine anyway - but that's a whole other story). Anyway, while T was in the store, J started fussing, so I climbed in the backseat with him and proceeded to tell him the tale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

"Then Goldilocks tried the first bowl of porridge. And do you know what happened next?" And that was when J puked on me.

J's New Pedi

I took J to his new pedi yesterday. I must say, I think he's much more thorough than the previous pedi. I quite liked him. And so far, I trust him. (Thank you, theatre mommy, for the recommendation. Good on ya!)

J is not to start solids until he is 6 months of age. And the pedi was happy to know that J's tongue-tie was released, and admitted that it would have caused feeding difficulties. They adjusted him for his prematurity, and he is now in the 20th percentile (I believe that was what the pedi said - either 15th or 20th, but I think it was 20th) for both height and weight. He is still in the 5th percentile for head circumference though, but that doesn't mean too much. He just has a little head. He is a whopping 10 lbs 14 oz now! Woo hoo!! He's still considered a bit small, but nowhere near as bad.The new pedi advised that we should turn J in the bassinet so he faces the opposite direction for the next couple of weeks, and then rotate him back and forth - one week in one direction and the next week in the other direction. J likes to look to the right, and he's developing a slightly flat spot on one side of his head as a result, so we'll want to correct it by encouraging him to look left while he's lying down sometimes.

And our little man also needs to go for a hearing assessment, since he does not startle to loud sounds. I mentioned it, and the doc did a check and concurred; J doesn't look for the source of the noise and really doesn't react at all. We will hope for the best. (And we will hope for an early appointment so we get early answers.)

In any event, J had a rough night last night and barely slept. I am tired. (Yaaaawwwwwwn.) I hope for a nap this afternoon, but just now he is still fussing so I can't do that yet. During his morning nap (assuming he ever takes it - doesn't look likely as it's already almost 11:30) I need to fold laundry. Lots and lots of laundry!

Weight Stuff

J weighed 9 lbs 10 oz yesterday. He is growing by leaps and bounds. (Good baby.) Dr. G, the lactation specialist, says he is actually in the 10th percentile for weight after being adjusted for his prematurity. We don't go back to see her any longer - we graduated yesterday.

She vetoed our pedi's advice that we start J on solids at 4-1/2 to 5-1/2 months, and suggested that we start him at 6-1/2 months (adjusting by a couple of weeks to account for some of his prematurity). She says that our pedi is wrong and that, if we start him early, he could have some gastrointestinal issues. She also suggested we just take J to my GP rather than to the pedi. It's so hard to get in to see my GP, as he's overbooked. But it's equally tough to get in to see anybody else, so I may just go that route. I was going to try to stick with his pedi, but I find myself second-guessing everything she says now. If I don't trust her, how can I continue to go to her?

As for myself, I lost 3.4 lbs this week. (Yay me!) All told, I have now lost roughly one-tenth of the total weight that I wish to lose. One-tenth can sound like a small amount or a large amount. But I prefer to think of it as a significant loss.

We Need a New Pediatrician

The more I think about it, the more ticked off I get. Don't get me wrong; J's pediatrician is a very nice lady, and I like her a lot. But she wasn't concerned about his slow weight gain - he's only been in the 5th percentile for weight gain, and he was small to begin with. Nor was she concerned about his tongue tie, or about the fact that he was causing me pain when he ate. She just kept saying she was satisfied with his weight gain. Now, the nurses at the Community Health Centre were the ones who told me he was in the 5th percentile for weight gain (50th is average; 5th is far below par). And the lactation specialist said his weight gain was inadequate. So his current pediatrician has lost all credibility with me on that front already.

Then, there's the hurting me when he eats issue, which is not normal and which I feel she should have investigated. But most importantly, I really think she should have noticed J's tongue tie at the hospital and, if she noticed it, she should have drawn our attention to it and given us some information. But she didn't do it and, when we contacted her to ask about it, she dismissed our concerns. We had to go to a completely different doctor to get it attended to.

It's like nursing a completely different baby. It is no longer painful to feed him; he no longer tries to feed for 45 minutes + per side at a time. In fact, he's frequently done in 10 minutes (both sides). I thought maybe he wasn't getting anything, but he is; he's just so much more efficient a nurser now that his tongue is freed up that it takes that much less to get him fed and happy.

So I think we'd best find a new doctor for him. I think his current pedi should have just gotten his tongue tie released and saved us all of the aggravation. I wonder who we will go to.

Snip snip

J's tongue-tie is released. We got in to the hospital at 9:00 and were home by 10:00. He just ate. Happy little boy in bassinet now.

He cried very briefly, because he was lying on the table instead of being held. He stopped crying as soon as we picked him up after the procedure. He had a couple of little drops of blood he spat out right away, but not much. It really didn't seem to hurt him at all. There was no anesthetic required, and it was all very simple. J can now move his tongue properly, without any issues, and he can open his mouth wider which is already making his latch a bit better. There is no post-op treatment required - his little tongue is just fine now. He is enjoying his new freedom and experimenting with how far out he can push his tongue. So cute!

He still has the little heart-shaped notch at the tip of his tongue. The pedi says he's been pulling against the tie for long enough that it will probably take about a month for the notch to correct itself. But it should correct itself. YAY!! I'm so glad it is done!

I'm feeling a bit better today. Have a headache, and am still in a bit of hermit mode, but it's improving. Thanks to all my friends for the support yesterday. This too shall pass.

On J's Weight & Thrush

J weighed in at 8 lbs 13-1/2 oz today!! (He gained 8-1/2 oz in 6 days, my little piggy.)

He has an appointment tomorrow morning at 9:00 to get his tongue-tie released. He'll be over at the hospital for that procedure, but it should be quick and we'll be taking him right home after. I hope this will improve his eating issues and he'll soon stop hurting me when he feeds.

My thrush infection has not cleared up, and it looks just as pronounced as it did last week. Thankfully, J seems unaffected. The lactation specialist, Dr. G, thinks I may have some eczema there as well. She's prescribed two steroid creams to deal with the eczema issue, and I have to continue taking the thrush medication as well. I see her again on July 8 to assess the situation. Hopefully things will soon clear up and I'll be able to feed J without experiencing this pain.

Dr. G has instructed me to limit J's time at the breast. He likes to suck on things, and he has a really strong sucking reflex; he'll stay on one side for 45 minutes at a time, even though he can't possibly still be getting milk. It takes around 2 hours to feed the little guy this way! So Dr. G has instructed me to pop him off after 20 minutes and make him switch sides. That should help me out some.

On another note, I am feeling despondent today. I have been for a few days now. I think I'm probably over-tired, and possibly coming down with a cold. But for whatever reason, I have the blues just now. I think I may hermit here for a bit; I'm not much fun when I feel like this. I will definitely try to get a nap in today, as I think it may help my mood.

Doctors Annoy Me

We had our lactation appointment today. They were quite smart. But doctors up until now have really bugged me. Especially now that I have gotten some good advice.

It seems the reason breastfeeding has been so painful is that I have somehow gotten thrush. It's a bad case, and has resulted in some fairly extensive nipple damage. Of course, if I would have been referred to the lactation consultants earlier, or if any doctor I complained of pain to had bothered to look at me, it would have been caught earlier and I'd have been treated earlier on and be doing better now. As it is, I have to start a 2 week course of medication. Thank God for benefits, as the meds were just over $100 without the benefits (works out to around $6.75 per pill). I also have been prescribed Codeine for the pain in the interim. And I've received some good tips for how to feed J more effectively. His weight gain is less than optimal, so they recommend I change how I'm feeding him to try and get him more milk. I have a follow up appointment with them on Monday. Hopefully we can turn things around and bring J's weight gain more in line. I hate the idea of having to give up breastfeeding or having to supplement with formula, but if I can't get him to gain weight with just my milk, I may have to do that. I sure hope not, though.

The lactation doctor has referred J to a pediatric surgeon to snip his tongue tie. Since J isn't gaining enough weight and I've been damaged from feeding him, they have decided that we can go ahead with that procedure if we like. And since it's a simple procedure without any risks, we've decided to go ahead with it. The surgeon is on vacation until Monday, so we'll get our appointment at that time.

Hopefully once these things are dealt with, J will eat better.

The Evil Medicentre

I just got back from the Medicentre. Despite my 9:00 arrival, right when they opened, there were already 7 people waiting to get in ahead of us. So roughly 2 hours later, we were seen.

The good news is that I managed to get the lactation referral. The bad news is that I had to argue to even get that much, and I couldn't get the referral to the oral surgeon. Perhaps the lactation specialists will refer us.

I am once more unimpressed with the Medicentre. I told the doctor about J having problems latching on and getting enough milk, and I told him that we had begun supplementing with bottles of pumped milk so that he could get more into him, and I told him that it was painful to breastfeed, and I told him that J becomes frustrated and then bites and badly bruises me. His answer? He said that as long as I was pumping and feeding J the expressed milk, that was sufficient! My answer? "Not to me, it isn't."

He also confirmed that J is tongue-tied (I don't think I would have believed a Medicentre doctor if I hadn't heard it from the community health nurse already), but he said that he didn't think it was "that bad" a case, and J may be able to "overcome it". I don't want him to have to overcome it! Especially not when the procedure that corrects it is so incredibly simple (and he even confirmed that is the case). I mean, if it were a complex and dangerous procedure, that would be another story entirely. But this is just a little tiny snip with the scissors. They don't even anesthetize first. It's very basic.

Anyway, I will make my peace with getting one referral at a time. I will get to go to the lactation consultants. They can always refer us to a doctor to correct the tongue-tie at that time.

I have been baptized

J rocket-pooed me this morning.

We are actually not having the best morning so far. At both his 4:00 a.m. feedings and this most recent feed, he got frustrated and bit me. Man does that hurt! And I don't think he even got enough milk from either feed. After this most recent feeding, I went to change his diaper. He peed on himself and all over his sleeper, so I decided to get him dressed for the day. He then started spitting up (fortunately, I now just keep a burp cloth under his head during diaper changes, so it didn't get in his hair this time around). I dealt with some of the spit up, then returned to the diaper change. Had his diaper off, new diaper under him, and was just starting to put on his diaper cream, and that was when it happened. Rocket-poo!

We're all cleaned up now, and J is in his bassinet where he is happy. I'm about to grab him so we can get to the Medicentre when they open at 9:00 and avoid a long wait. Neither J's pediatrician nor my GP can see him before July 8, and that's just too far away when he's having feeding difficulties like this. So off I go, to the Medicentre's (somewhat questionable, in my opinion) doctors, to ask for a lactation referral. This time, I'm also going to try for a referral to an oral surgeon who may be able to treat J's tongue tie.

I have concluded that all the best doctors are not taking new patients and are overbooked, so you cannot see them when you need to. It's a shame that when we really need a doctor right away, we have to go to someone who's (maybe) not as good. When I really need a doctor right away, that's when the really good doctor would actually be handy.