Random Dorito Tuesday ... with cake and toilet paper

N is in his exersaucer. He rocks back and forth like mad, propelling himself across the room. He operates the exersaucer like a car with no wheels. Every so often, I get nervous that he's going to flip the saucer over, and I call out to him. "N ... NO!" He stops rocking briefly, looks at me, and smiles engagingly. And then proceeds to rock violently, as though I had never spoken. This can't bode well for the future.

N's favourite toy is the red phone on his exersaucer, which he holds and waves about as he drives about the room. J's favourite toy is anything round. J loves to share. And that is why N is presently standing on a bunch of balls of assorted sizes, all of which are apparently now stored in the bottom of the exersaucer. I've given up removing them; it doesn't work.

Auditing exam went well. I was temporarily deceived into thinking there were no questions fresh out of left field on this one. That's uncharacteristic for the auditing exam, so I wondered what I might have missed. Then my classmates pointed out to me that those questions were all about law. Which is my other education and experience base. I didn't even notice. I think I did pretty well on it. Hopefully I'm correct. Won't know until May 6. The two month turnaround is aggravating, but I'm kind of getting used to it.

I want Doritos. We have no Doritos. There should always be Doritos. A Dorito-less house by itself cannot stand ... or something. And I think my Wii Fit trainer would like Doritos too. If she ever ate anything. Which she doesn't, because she is a computer animation. But if she had an actual mind and body, I bet I could corrupt her and make her gain a whole bunch of weight.

My training was suspended for an extended time while I prepared for my exam. Back to my Wii Fit this week. I have to lose about a gazillion pounds, so that should be entertaining. When they invent the Doritos and Chocolate Cake diet, I'll be very, very happy indeed. (Mmmmmm ... chocolate cake ...)

H gets irritated whenever I forget to throw out the cap from a bottle of formula and he finds it on the kitchen counter. I get irritated whenever I find an empty toilet paper roll that hasn't been thrown out and/or replaced. So the solution is clear. I've now told H that I will be stockpiling the formula bottle caps and placing them next to the empty toilet paper rolls.

Now, go visit Keely, and do your own Random Tuesday Thoughts. Very freeing!

UPDATED: Why children are the best!

Tonight found me wearing the same clothes for the third day in a row. (N and I have been sick ... don't judge me!) The clothes in question are an old pair of grey maternity sweatpants (no, I'm not pregnant; they're just comfy) and an oversized black Elton John concert shirt. N had thrown up oatmeal and applesauce down the front of the shirt this morning, and I was too tired to change it, so I'd just kind of sponged it off and carried on.

Tonight, I decided to work out even though I wasn't feeling well. Workouts give me energy. We recently acquired a Wii Fit, and I love using it. I've lost a little bit of weight, but I'm still classed as obese. It takes time. Must be consistent. So I did about half an hour of expert level rhythm boxing tonight. Worked up a good sweat. Tired. Sore arms. Sweating profusely. I collapsed on the couch in a heap and tried to catch my breath.

J was watching from his perch on the other couch. And as soon as I had flopped my ill-clad, obese, sweaty self down, he sweetly said: "You're so pretty, Mommy".

Good boy. I think I'll keep him.

**********
On an unrelated note, someone landed on my blog today by googling the words: "youtube how do I get out of this chicken".

Dear Googler,

I hope you have now somehow found the assistance that you required. But I'm unclear as to how you could have watched a self-help video on Youtube while trapped inside a chicken. Must have been a very large chicken. Please enlighten me. Please also advise as to where I may purchase just such a chicken. It could be useful for large family dinners.

Sincerely,

Momma T

PS - "How do I get out of this chicken" was actually in quotes. What is truly alarming is that the unfortunate googler landed on this post. I don't know why.

Tired

I am tired. I am tired of being a fat girl. Can't find clothes to fit, nor a flattering hairstyle. Everything makes me look huge. Because I am huge. I feel like I am starting to look my age, and I hate it. My age is ... old. Drunken homeless people stop me on the street to ask for change, and then they tell me that I'm ugly. I try to lose the weight, but I just can't seem to do it. Fat and ugly, and that's who I am. Apparently.

Also, sick. Sick this week. Have a cold. Last night, managed to fight off an impending migraine. Still not all better. Have to leave for work soon.

Must get in better spirits. I can't feel like this at work. It's a fantastic job, and I like it a lot. I'm sure my mood will improve while I'm there. Isn't that an interesting concept ... work improving your mood. First job I've ever had that can accomplish that one.

Very busy. Work, school, family. No time to feel poorly.

But I do.

It's too darned hot

Poor little J is constantly thirsty and sweaty. Both ceiling fans are going non-stop. I have a sunburn for the second time in my life. My hair is soaked with sweat. I keep getting headaches ...

It's way too hot.

Today, I couldn't even eat, I was feeling so ill from the heat. Me. Not eating. Can you believe it? If this keeps up, I may eventually lose my lovely beachball-like shape! And it's taken me years of inactivity and cheeseburger eatin' to achieve it. What a shame!

Seriously though. These days, every day that I am off of work, I take J for a walk around the lake in the mornings. A nice high-paced walk. We go past the big $750,000 houses, and down around the lake, and then up past the moderately lower priced houses with the fancy landscaping (waterfalls optional) and back home. I'm trying to get more exercise and shed some of these unwanted pounds. But it's not working. I'm still gaining weight, and am getting really irritated about it.

Okay. Yes. There is a lake in our neighbourhood. Though what it's good for, I can't begin to imagine. There are signs all over the place. "No wading. No swimming. Boating is not recommended. Do not throw rocks in the lake (Bylaw xxx)". No throwing ROCKS in the water?!?! Why the heck not??? I guess the lake's entire purpose is to look pretty. It does. Objective met.

Pretty view or not, I still think $750,000 for a house in my community is a wee bit unreasonable.

Hot. Tired. Sticky. Getting grumpy.

I am glad that my office is air-conditioned. I wish my car were as well; it gets so hot these days I can't even hold the steering wheel when I leave the office for the day. Makes driving home interesting. But the office is air-conditioned, and there, I will get some relief. Maybe I'll even be able to EAT!!

Shorter days now; summer hours. I can't wait for morning.

I am "above-average"

You may wonder why my user pic is of J, and not of me. Well, quite simply, I am "above-average" (read: I am a fat girl). I used to be thin. Once. Long ago. But those days are behind me, and I hate hate HATE the way I look now. This being the case, size labels, the mirror, and the camera have become my sworn enemies and I simply will not post a picture of myself until I lose some weight.

If that ever happens.

Which it won't. Because I can't seem to get up the motivation it would take to watch what I eat and exercise. And because I am really busy with my courses and the baby, and I just don't have much time to think of stuff like meal planning.

So here I am, carrying around an extra 45 or so pounds that I just can't seem to part with. And none of my old clothes fit since J's birth. (In fact, I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I still wear certain camouflaging pairs of maternity pants.) I can't bring myself to buy new clothes, because trying on clothes invariably means being confronted with size labels and mirrors (two of my sworn enemies) and because I generally hate spending money. Especially now, when I'm on mat leave and funds are tight.

But my brother-in-law is getting married on New Years Day, and we also have a swanky Christmas party to attend this Friday. And I can hardly go to these events dressed in maternity pants and an oversized Spiderman t-shirt now, can I?

So (during a study break today) off to the mall I trudged, begrudgingly, hacking up a lung and with J in tow, to try and take advantage of certain department store sales. My voice is shot; it's not gone completely, but I sound just like Marlon Brando in "The Godfather". And I have work to do, but I couldn't put this off any longer. I need a dressy outfit for Friday, and I just don't have a lot of time available for shopping.

Now, for some unknown reason, designers seem to feel that we "above-average" women all want to wear either really revealing clothing (no sleeves, short skirts, clingy, sheer fabric) or gunny sacks (straight lines, shape concealing, straight from Rue McClanahan's wardrobe in "The Golden Girls"). We have our very own section - right next to the Petites (because we don't feel self-conscious enough, thank you very much) - and our section is manned by an anorexic salesgirl (because she knows something about what we would want to wear; riiiiiggggghhhhht). They try not to call us "plus-sized" any longer, as it's not PC; now, our section is coined "above-average" (as in "your heart's in danger and your joints may give out at a moment's notice, but it's a good thing - really").

So there I was, hunting through department store racks, for anything with even a hint of a sleeve! Tough to come by, let me tell you. And I finally found two tasteful-looking (no gunny sack) dressy outfits in my size that had sleeves. I tried them on, and was dismayed to discover that they were actually not designed for women my size, but rather for what the skinny little boobless designers imagine skinny little boobless women might look like if you widened them, you know, with a carnival mirror. In fact, once I put it on, I realized that one top would only be suitable for attending a roller-disco. And who goes there? Not me, obviously; that would be too much like exercise!

The long and short of it seems to be that department store clothing just does not hang properly on women of my ... particular ... stature.

So off I trudged, with a heavy heart, to the fat-girl store. The store designed specifically for the "above-average" woman. And here, I managed to find an outfit, in my size, that is just concealing enough and still keeps my shape in tact. But the down side to this is that I had to buy an outfit from the fat-girl store, and my self-esteem has been adversely affected.

It is a nice outfit, though.

One little tooth

J has cut his very first tooth! It is one of the bottom front teeth, over on his right. The one on the left looks like it will follow shortly. I can see the top of the tooth, and I can feel the sharp, jagged edge with my finger. Poor wee man! No wonder he has been so horribly grumpy lately. That must really hurt.

I have doped him up with the appropriate amount of Tylenol to try and take the edge off his pain. He would not nap today, but he is asleep now. He has been screaming and pulling my hair for most of the day.

I was going to go for ice cream tonight, but I really need to try and get out of the habit of emotional eating. That's not the way to achieve the much-needed weight loss.

I hope for better days ahead.

Tension headache starting now. Two more chapters to read tonight ... I wonder if I'll remember any of it.

Weight Stuff

J weighed 9 lbs 10 oz yesterday. He is growing by leaps and bounds. (Good baby.) Dr. G, the lactation specialist, says he is actually in the 10th percentile for weight after being adjusted for his prematurity. We don't go back to see her any longer - we graduated yesterday.

She vetoed our pedi's advice that we start J on solids at 4-1/2 to 5-1/2 months, and suggested that we start him at 6-1/2 months (adjusting by a couple of weeks to account for some of his prematurity). She says that our pedi is wrong and that, if we start him early, he could have some gastrointestinal issues. She also suggested we just take J to my GP rather than to the pedi. It's so hard to get in to see my GP, as he's overbooked. But it's equally tough to get in to see anybody else, so I may just go that route. I was going to try to stick with his pedi, but I find myself second-guessing everything she says now. If I don't trust her, how can I continue to go to her?

As for myself, I lost 3.4 lbs this week. (Yay me!) All told, I have now lost roughly one-tenth of the total weight that I wish to lose. One-tenth can sound like a small amount or a large amount. But I prefer to think of it as a significant loss.

What a Difference!

J awoke this morning with smiles and coos, talking to himself, kicking his chubby little legs, all ready to face the day. He was squirmy and he felt wet, so I went to change him. He smiled and played through his diaper change and getting all dressed for the day, and he ate his breakfast without any issues of spit-up, tears, length of time, or pain for mommy. He's so happy now, I just can't believe this is the same baby. He's so much more fun!

Yesterday, we took him to the Canada Day Parade. He wasn't interested at all, but we had fun. J pretty much just slept.

I have my Weight Watchers meeting this morning. It's odd; it's a really good program, but it's not motivating me to take off the weight. I'm sure I'd lose the weight if I'd follow the program, but I just seem to lack any drive to do it. So this week, I am determined to get motivated and start doing something about it. I'm not happy with how I look at this weight, and I'd like to have a more healthy and active lifestyle just for the sake of my own health. So I'm going to try to take my eyes off the scale, and H and I are going to work together to be more healthy and active. We're going to eat from the Weight Watchers "Core" plan, which means we will get to eat a wide variety of healthy foods that we like. H, who has no weight problems at all, will just eat more of those healthy nutritious foods than will I. Foods like pop, chips and chocolate will become occasional treats for both of us rather than dietary staples.

This is my goal. And now that J isn't so crabby all the time, I may be able to take more time with meal preparation and not have to constantly hunt for some pre-packaged convenience food that I can eat with a sobbing baby in my arms. This should help. Hopefully by changing to this healthy lifestyle, the pounds will come off as well.

Baby Sling

Another fun photo here. One of the gifts I received at the shower was a baby sling. So far, J loves being carried in it. It should last for quite some time. I love it! Thank you theatre_mommy for hosting the shower. And thanks to the gang at FMC for the great sling!


(Okay, clearly I need to drop some poundage. But the baby is cute, and isn't that what really matters?)