Friday, March 24, 2006

How can I go back??

It's only 5 weeks away now. I have to go back. I have to go back, and leave you. Leave you with someone else.

Someone else will get to hold you, and cuddle you, and play with you, and kiss you. Someone else will make you laugh, and smile. Someone else will comfort you when you are sad or have bad dreams. Someone else will feed you, and change you, and give you your sippy of milk, and put you down for nap time, and ...

Someone else will be doing all the things that I love. And I'll be missing you. Trying to provide for you, and missing you. Arms aching to hold you. Listening for your cry. Wanting to hear your laughter. Missing everything.

Wishing it were me. Not them. Not someone else. Me. Wishing there were some other way.

I hold you, and I cry. And you reach up, with your beautiful little baby fingers, tracing my tears, awed and amazed by each new discovery. And someone else will have that, too.

I hold you, and I cry.



Liz said...

Just remember that you will always be "Mommy." J may accept some other caregivers, but in his mind they are only temporary until he gets back to you. You will always be his favourite. No one else will ever be "Mommy."

Memaw said...

Ditto what Liz says. Thanks for letting me play and "talk" with Jared. Today was a good day because of it.