Sunday, April 30, 2006

Self-indulgent blitherings

Got my hair cut. It's too short, but looks much better than before. Went to a party last night. Had fun. J was tired. Left early.

Got shoes. Got clothes. Got carseat. Have to install carseat. Got J's stuff over to parents' place. Picked up nylons and some makeup. Got a pot roast for dinner tomorrow and some extra supplies for J. Diapers drying. Ready for work. Or as ready as I can be.

Tired. Crabby. H is tired and crabby too. It's been a busy few days.

Shoes. Shoes are as feminine as I could find while still fitting my blasted orthotic. Clunky and mannish. I'm tired of clunky and mannish; I want pretty shoes! But I can't have them. Orthotics mean no sandals, and nothing remotely slinky. Stupid arches.

Picked up leather protector and sprayed shoes. Paid for leather protector in the lingerie department, it having a shorter line than the shoe department. Headless mannequins lined up, their sneers implied, as they taunted me for not being a perfect 34B size Medium. Stupid mannequins.

I'm tired of being a size 18. Feeling like the only person on earth who can't lose weight. And even my friends are rubbing it in now, though I don't think they mean to. Feels bad anyway, though. Thanks, guys.

Behind in my course. Generally bitter and disgruntled. Feeling self-destructive. I hope J will go to sleep soon. I need some sleep. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

Sucks.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am normally a size 18 and I normally weigh 227lbs. I have trouble losing any of my weight and/or decresing my dress size. I am sure I am feeling close to what you are feeling. You are not alone and I do not want to rub it in your face.

Trish said...

Thanks. I needed that.

Draya's Mom said...

Who ever invents and markets ladies orthotics that can be worn in sandals will make a mint! I have a friend at work who has the exact same problem.

If it helps any I've stoped loosing weight and have started to put it back on again.