Friday, April 28, 2006

A time to cry

Feeling sad. Stressed. Back to work Monday.

I hate this.

Still have to buy shoes. I'll get the old ones fixed later. Never hurts to have more shoes.

Still have to get my hair cut. Must be done this weekend.

A few more work clothes to go, and must also take a trip to the grocery store to stock the freezer and ensure J has enough supplies for the week.

All three can be accomplished with one trip to the mall, stopping by the grocer after. Good.

Need one more carseat. But we can get by without it for one week. Got to get it soon though.

J's bloodwork will be done tonight. I hate that. Takes several nurses to hold him down, and the poor little guy just screams and screams. You'd think I'd be used to that piercing scream by now, but I'm not. I hate that.

I have to take some toys, a carseat, and a blankie or two over for childcare.

Play date with Memaw today. Check. I love seeing her.

Supposed to have arranged coffee with another friend. No time. Will have to see her down the road a spell. Shame, though. She wanted to see us before I went back to work. Not gonna happen.

More reading. More midterm work. Cat eating my midterm just now. Seems appropriate, somehow. Chow down, kitty.

Busy busy. No time to cry today. But sure I'll fit it in. Somehow.

Now sounds good. But H hasn't left for work yet. And if I cry, he'll see me. Then he'll feel bad. Not a good way to start the day.

Hold it together. There will be time later.

11 hours a day where I won't be able to see my baby. The baby I've played with and cuddled and cared for throughout the day every day for the past year. Longer if you consider the pregnancy to count. But suddenly, that stops. No more.

Change of routine. 11 hours away. Home. Eat. Brief cuddle and play. Study. Kiss goodnight. Study. Sleep. Start over.

I want those 11 hours.

Missing J already, and he's right across the hall, still sleeping. Feeling painfully sorry for myself. But I shouldn't. I'm lucky. Just hard to feel lucky right now. I know it; I just can't feel it.

Dreading Monday.


liz said...

The first night Izzy had her eye drops, after an hour of trying to reason with her, we finally had to hold her down and pry her eyes open while she screamed, "Help! Help me! Help!" It broke my heart, but it had to be done.

Trish said...

Poor li'l punk! I hope her eye is doing better now.

It's hard to do things that break our hearts but have to be done anyway. Good for you for managing. Stay strong.