Conversations of the Car

On Smoking

H: Well, he's more of a social smoker.

T: Interesting theory. Kind of like being a social nose-picker, isn't it?

H: Yeah, it's a pretty anti-social habit. "My social habit is blowing toxic fumes in your face".

T: Oh. Okay. Well, my social habit is sticking pins into other people.

On Signage

T: That sign advertises a "downpour jacket". What exactly is a "downpour jacket"? Why can't they just say "raincoat"?

H: I guess "rain" is no longer politically correct. It prejudices the situation somehow. Makes it sound like less than it is. "Downpour" is more acceptable.

T: Well, then what's wrong with "coat"?

H: It must be shorter than a coat.

T: Sort of like a bolero then?

H: Yes; just shorter than a coat.

T: But wouldn't you think that a downpour would require more protection? Not less?

On the Government

T: I am tired of the government telling me that I do not know my child's birthdate. I know when he was born. I remember it. I was there. It hurt.

H: I love how they said they can't pay after his birthdate, but then say that they paid you after his birthdate and send you a bill.

T: When last I spoke with them, they agreed that they owed me for those two weeks. What happened?

H: Y'know, what really gets me is that they say that they paid you for two weeks after his birthdate, but the notice is dated for one week after his birthdate. Must be the new math, huh?

T: Maybe I should make up a sign. "Screwed by the government. Please give." And then hang it around J's neck tomorrow when I go and wait for their office to open so I can get this cleared up. Do we have a black felt pen?

H: Write it in crayon. With backward r's. And "government" spelt "guverment". Like J wrote it himself.

T: And when they ask me to take the sign off, I can tell them that my baby who they are trying to deprive of food for four weeks worked so hard to make it, I can't possibly remove it.

H: Yes. "He nearly fainted several times from hunger while making that sign. What a trooper!"