I am "above-average"

You may wonder why my user pic is of J, and not of me. Well, quite simply, I am "above-average" (read: I am a fat girl). I used to be thin. Once. Long ago. But those days are behind me, and I hate hate HATE the way I look now. This being the case, size labels, the mirror, and the camera have become my sworn enemies and I simply will not post a picture of myself until I lose some weight.

If that ever happens.

Which it won't. Because I can't seem to get up the motivation it would take to watch what I eat and exercise. And because I am really busy with my courses and the baby, and I just don't have much time to think of stuff like meal planning.

So here I am, carrying around an extra 45 or so pounds that I just can't seem to part with. And none of my old clothes fit since J's birth. (In fact, I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I still wear certain camouflaging pairs of maternity pants.) I can't bring myself to buy new clothes, because trying on clothes invariably means being confronted with size labels and mirrors (two of my sworn enemies) and because I generally hate spending money. Especially now, when I'm on mat leave and funds are tight.

But my brother-in-law is getting married on New Years Day, and we also have a swanky Christmas party to attend this Friday. And I can hardly go to these events dressed in maternity pants and an oversized Spiderman t-shirt now, can I?

So (during a study break today) off to the mall I trudged, begrudgingly, hacking up a lung and with J in tow, to try and take advantage of certain department store sales. My voice is shot; it's not gone completely, but I sound just like Marlon Brando in "The Godfather". And I have work to do, but I couldn't put this off any longer. I need a dressy outfit for Friday, and I just don't have a lot of time available for shopping.

Now, for some unknown reason, designers seem to feel that we "above-average" women all want to wear either really revealing clothing (no sleeves, short skirts, clingy, sheer fabric) or gunny sacks (straight lines, shape concealing, straight from Rue McClanahan's wardrobe in "The Golden Girls"). We have our very own section - right next to the Petites (because we don't feel self-conscious enough, thank you very much) - and our section is manned by an anorexic salesgirl (because she knows something about what we would want to wear; riiiiiggggghhhhht). They try not to call us "plus-sized" any longer, as it's not PC; now, our section is coined "above-average" (as in "your heart's in danger and your joints may give out at a moment's notice, but it's a good thing - really").

So there I was, hunting through department store racks, for anything with even a hint of a sleeve! Tough to come by, let me tell you. And I finally found two tasteful-looking (no gunny sack) dressy outfits in my size that had sleeves. I tried them on, and was dismayed to discover that they were actually not designed for women my size, but rather for what the skinny little boobless designers imagine skinny little boobless women might look like if you widened them, you know, with a carnival mirror. In fact, once I put it on, I realized that one top would only be suitable for attending a roller-disco. And who goes there? Not me, obviously; that would be too much like exercise!

The long and short of it seems to be that department store clothing just does not hang properly on women of my ... particular ... stature.

So off I trudged, with a heavy heart, to the fat-girl store. The store designed specifically for the "above-average" woman. And here, I managed to find an outfit, in my size, that is just concealing enough and still keeps my shape in tact. But the down side to this is that I had to buy an outfit from the fat-girl store, and my self-esteem has been adversely affected.

It is a nice outfit, though.