Gov'nor General's Finalist

My friend, Wandafish, found this in Quill & Quire Nov '05. It pokes fun at the Young Adult "problem novel". I thought it was hilarious, so I would like to keep a record of it.

The Governor General's Finalist
by Tim Wynne-Jones

I am the very model of a Gov'nor General's finalist,
My novel's got a plucky, sassy maybe gay protagonist,
She's got a friend who's Goth, who is a nonconformist anarchist,
Who lurks a lot and scowls and wears satanic tattoos on his fist.
She helps him to discover that there is a reason to exist,
Persuades him in the gritty, thrilling climax not to slit his wrists,
And in so doing learns to love the stepmother with whom she's pissed.
And though she's anorexic ends up on the high school honour list.

And though she's anorexic ends up on the high school honour list.
And though she's anorexic ends up on the high school honour list.
And though she's anorexic ends up on the high school honour list.

The critics say it's edgy and my agent says it cannot miss,
And if I win I'll climb up from the HarperCollins middle list;
In short, I'll be transformed just like the lowly frog the princess kissed.
I am the very model of a Gov'nor General's finalist.