Smashing those damned pumpkins

First, let me just say this.


That's right. We were featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom today for BS Sunday.

Okay, fine. I submitted the dark, heavy post in question myself. But they read it and decided to include it. I think. Unless Jenny was really busy this week and just grabbed any and all links. Which I suppose is equally possible. But hopefully they read it. I believe they did. And now, we have a lovely badge that we can wear with pride. And really, isn't that what counts? Of course it is!

Now, down to business.

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One of my favourite blogs is Steenky Bee. If you haven't read her yet, you've obviously just climbed out of a Biosphere. A crappy, out of touch Biosphere. One with no Internet access whatsoever.

Seriously. Head over there. You must read Steenky Bee. She's fabulous. A wonderful mother, a gifted dancer, and she always has perfect hair. I'd link to individual posts that I love, but then I'd just be linking to every page, and that's kind of weird.

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So earlier this month, Steenky Bee posted about undertaking a fun family activity. Inspired by her genius and creative prowess, we decided today to participate in a fun family activity ourselves. But sharp scissors and hot irons seemed like a bad idea for our 3-year old. He might get hurt.

So we used knives.

Pumpkin carving! Perfect! Halloween is just around the corner. Why not?

Not having pumpkin patches this far north, H and J had earlier trotted off to a garden centre to pick out the sorriest, most deflated and lopsided looking excuse of a perfect pumpkin, which we would carve together, as a family.

I pulled out the pumpkin carving kit. J was very excited. I put the pumpkin on the kitchen table. J was totally enthused. I let J pick out the design for his Jack-o-lantern. Happily, J picked out "The Angry Face". (It should be noted that there were two "Angry" faces, of which J wanted "The Really Angry One"! Which is also the hardest face to carve. But whatever.)

As J finished dinner, I cut the lid off the pumpkin. And then, when he was done eating, I gave him a little scoop, so that he could help me clean out the pumpkin innards. He quickly branded this activity "icky", and opted instead to hold the garbage bag for me. For about five seconds. Before he decided to abandon me entirely in favour of pretending to be a doctor who needed to give everyone needles. And how convenient that the little stencil marker tool beside me looked sort of like a needle! J promptly stole it and ran through the house, leaving me to scoop out the pumpkin guts myself. H cleaned off J's plate and put the food away.

Meanwhile, the previously contentedly sleeping N awoke. H went to rescue him. H returned to the kitchen and sat at the island holding baby N, and J climbed up in H's lap to give H and N each a "needle". Buried under children, H watched me, sitting at the table by myself scooping pumpkin innards into a garbage bag, and said:

H: Honey, this really wasn't what I had in mind when I thought about a fun family activity.

I told J that I needed his help and that, if he wouldn't help me, I would have to carve the whole pumpkin all by myself. His response?

J: Okay. Do that.

And then, J shouted out that he was "The Sock Stealer". And he ran around the house in search of socks to "steal". All socks, once found, had to be worn on his left foot. In layers. So J ended up with one bare foot and one foot that appeared to be sporting a very unusual thick cast made entirely of socks.

It was then that I took a hammer and smashed the stupid pumpkin to smithereens small break to feed N and make him all nice and happy. J used this opportunity to fight with H about bedtime and sleepwear. H wanted J to sleep in his blue pajamas. J wanted to sleep in his dragon costume. Or at the very least, the dragon head. Kicking and screaming, the headless J was dragged upstairs. (Not really, but I couldn't resist that last sentence.)

As H got J ready for bed, I taped the stencil to the pumpkin. J ran down at one point to provide me with some assistance. Tearing off large amounts of tape and attaching them to various parts of his face and body was most helpful, I assure you. H watched, gritting his teeth, and then gave J a glass of milk.

Once the stencil was taped in place, I got J to make a couple of pokes in the black area with the little stencil marker that J thought was a needle. And then H put J to bed while I outlined the rest of the stencil design, removed the stencil from the pumpkin, and cut out the face.

No pictures were taken of the progress. Sorry. No one had a free hand to spare for operating the camera.

So anyway, after I had completed our fun family activity by myself, H and I discussed the outcome. And we concluded that it would probably be a better idea to just buy a pre-cut Jack-o-lantern in future years.

We may post a picture of our my creation eventually. But for now, let me just say this.

It's my Jack-o-lantern! Mine! Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!! I made it, and I'm keeping it!!!

Yeah. Whatever. Mine.