H: Goodnight, J.
J: I'm scared.
H: What are you scared of?
J: There's a monster in the closet.
H: There's no monster in the closet. Look. (opens closet door)
J: But there's a scary lion. And a scary noise.
H: There's no scary lion and no scary noise.
J: But ...
H: Mommy and Daddy would never ask you to stay in a room with something scary in it, J.
J: But I need you.
H: But Mommy and N need me too. I've done everything you've asked me to. I read your stories, and I snuggled you, and I gave you your water. And now Mommy and N need me. You need to go to sleep.
J: But I want you.
H: Here. (Hands J the toy that J picked out all by himself at the store and insists on keeping in his room every single night) Two-headed dragon will protect you.
J: Two-headed dragon will eat the scary people?
H: Yes. There is nothing scary in the room, but if there were, two-headed dragon would eat it.
Yes. That's right. There is nothing scary in the room. Except for ...
... J's staunch overnight protector. Which even scares the crap out of me.