Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Hot fun in the summertime

Last September, H and I went to Maui. In preparation for the trip, we went shopping for some new clothes. I really needed a new swimsuit. I tried on a whole bunch before I found one that really worked for me. I hate trying on clothes. Swimsuits are particularly painful. I wish I'd known then that there were other shopping options available. But I did not.

I can blame Jenny, the Bloggess for not telling me earlier that there was a Swimsuit Tester available online.

Now, a woman no longer has to go to a store and try on swimsuits to see how she will look. The Swimsuit Tester looks after this for you. You can see nearly anorexic realistic teenagers models of a certain age parading about in various styles of swimsuits. And, by the various activities they perform, you can tell just how cute you will look in each suit. Yes, the models perform various activities. Activities like walking, stretching, playing with frisbees and beach balls, and (my personal favourite) carrying about various pieces of sometimes incorrectly labeled fruit. 'Cause that's what really matters ... sure, it's cute when it's just me and the suit, but how does it look when I have a bunch of grapes in my hand?

We waffled for a time over whether or not to take J with us on our trip. It was hard to decide, but ultimately, we went without him. At the time, I felt this was a good decision. But after watching The Swimsuit Tester, I question it. See how that model looks, strolling about in her teensy two-piece and carrying a child's plastic pail and shovel set? Clearly, her toddler must have been nearby. And if this proves anything, it's that I would have looked absolutely adorable crammed into a tiny bikini and playing on the beach with my son.

Maybe ... not ...

When we asked friends if we should take J to Maui, those who were childless encouraged us to take him. They said we should think about how cute he'd be playing on the beach. Those friends who had children had a rather different take. It went something like this:

Oh, okay. "Think about how cute he'd be playing on the beach." You take him to the beach. In the Hawaiian sun. And you cover him with sunscreen, so he won't burn. And then he gets all upset because he's covered in sunscreen and he feels sticky. And a breeze comes in, and coats his sticky sunscreen covered body with little grains of sand. And he cries. So you put him in the water so that he can get clean, and he freaks out because the water is cold, and the saltiness feels weird and his eyes sting when he rubs them. So you relent. You take him out of the water. You start to dress him in regular clothing. But before you can finish, he runs back into the ocean, and his diaper fills up with saltwater and then it either explodes or, if you're lucky, it just falls off and floats away. And then he cries because he's naked and wet and his feet are getting sandy. What a great time you'll have!
It sounded right at the time. But clearly, those friends had never seen the footage of slinky-model-in-bikini-with-plastic-pail-and-shovel-set, and had no idea what they were talking about. 'Cause you will note that in all of the video clips, there is not even one labeled "Chase your manic toddler around while his diaper fills up with water and eventually explodes or floats away test". So obviously, this kind of thing never happens.

I guess we should've taken him.

6 comments:

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

This is precisely why I just avoid the beach altogether.

Trish said...

It's a pretty good idea, isn't it?

the sits girls said...

We think this is a great idea!

jenboglass said...

I can honestly say that I've never walked around in a two piece while holding a banana. A one piece, maybe. But a two piece? That is out of the question!

Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you did. I like it over here. Classically trained pianist? Impressive. Now I feel all insignificant with my self taught "heart and soul" on my son's little keyboard.

Trish said...

I like the one where she's holding the phallic candy. And the big empty smile is priceless!

How do they come up with these things?

Trish said...

Oh, jenboglass? You will be pleased to know that I now have "Heart and Soul" stuck in my head!

Ah well ... at least it's a good song.