It's like a million degrees in the house, and J has decided he is in the mood for cuddles. With me. Only me. While being walked around, carried upright, and jiggled. In the bedroom. With the ceiling fan on and "The Incredibles" on the DVD player. He won't take his pacifier or let H hold him. He's just eaten 4-1/2 oz of expressed milk by bottle, and his diaper has been changed, so no problems on those fronts. And if I tried to change even one element in the delicate balance of walking, jiggling and noise, he started to scream. This is why I am up at this time of morning.
I'm currently allowing him to try to feed, even though there is no milk left in me, so that I can leave the bedroom and let H catch some sleep before work tomorrow. J is not screaming at the breast (though I myself am starting to feel like screaming, it hurts so much). I took some Codeine earlier, thinking J was going to sleep. Now I have to keep myself busy so that I can stay awake while I hold him until I can lull him to sleep. Journaling will hopefully help for a while.
On a somewhat related note, J really seems to like music. He's picky, though. He prefers easy listening, sung to him by a parent. It must be sung with great fervor and drama, like we mean it - it can't be in a baby-talk kind of a voice, or he'll cry. Usually, if I sing When I Need You by Leo Sayer while I hold him and look into his eyes, he will calm right down. I'm not sure what's more disturbing: that my child seems to enjoy this song, or that I apparently know all the words.