Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A day off!!

Today, I took the day off. I stayed home with J. It was wonderful!

We had a huge list of things to accomplish. In actuality, we accomplished very little.

We were supposed to:

Go visit H at work, then meet J's Memaw for coffee at 11:00. From there, we would go to my workplace where they were doing "The Cat's Away" while the partners are at conference. We would join my coworkers for the noon hour games and pizza party. Then we would go and visit a couple of old workplaces of mine so everyone could see how sweet J is now. And then, we would go to J's doctor's appointment.

I knew this would not go according to plan. How did I know this? Because I am not delusional, for one. But also, I just haven't forgotten what it is like to be a stay-at-home mom. Nothing goes according to your well-orchestrated plans. Accept it.

Last night, J woke up at 1:00 a.m. He lay in his crib, cooing: "Mama; Daddy" over and over for a bit. Then he stood up and screamed. I relented and brought him to bed with us. Where he continued to fuss. Eventually, I moved him back into his own crib. He awoke for the day exactly one hour later. It was extremely early. He was extremely angry. I was extremely exhausted. He is apparently getting his molars. I wonder when they will pop through?

J was tired today. I tried to feed him breakfast. Oatmeal? He threw it. It coats things nicely. I washed up. Me, J, the floor, the toys ... Fine. We'll save the oatmeal for later. Apple? He threw it at the cat. Cat doesn't like apple. But cat does enjoy a nice bowl of oatmeal that is being saved for later. Chase cat off counter, and throw out half cat-eaten oatmeal. Desperate now. Arrowroot cookies? J's favorite! J eats most of two cookies, then insists that he is done.

Take J to living room. Watch Sesame Street. Tremendous fun is had! I miss watching Sesame Street with J.

Take J upstairs. Change and get ready for the day's busy activities. Take J to give him a new diaper before we go out. J lies on the table, and looks weepy and forlorn. I figure it out. J is tired. I pick J up, and I put him in his crib. J curls up with his Panda and his blankie and falls asleep immediately.

Call H and explain delay. Call Memaw and move plans to later.

Do quiz for school. A moment of peace like this may not arrive again, and I should take full advantage of it. I got a couple of questions wrong, but the quiz only counts for 3% of my final mark. I got 2.5 out of 3, so that will be just fine. I could still get 99.5% in this class. I won't; but I could.

Review student lounge. Get annoyed. Students should stop asking the same questions over and over. They should read responses that went before. They should read the handbook. And perhaps the materials that came with their course. And they should post with descriptive subject lines, and not just say nondescript things like: "Question". And they should start new subjects when asking questions of the course tutor which are unrelated to the thread they are currently in. Don't ask a question about installing Accpac on your system in a thread that asks about a quiz!! Accpac isn't on the quiz!!

I am impatient. People in this program should be literate. Other students do not want to hold your hand and walk you through the printed material. The course clearly says when things are due. It tells you how to install Accpac. It talks about accessing the midterm. It details computer requirements. Quit asking stupid questions that are spelt out for you! And another thing ...

J wakes up.

Skip work activities. J is up now, but he is still tired and irritable. Phone time with friends instead. Yesssss!

Go meet Memaw. J screams through entire visit. And refuses to eat anything except Memaw's special currant cookies. Arrowroots aren't yummy enough after that; no sirree. J wouldn't even try them. Fun to see Memaw, but this was just not relaxing. But (and this is important), I have now tasted the world's best cup of hot chocolate. OMG, it was fantastic! It's "The Pomegranate" French hot chocolate. (They also make Belgian hot chocolate, but it's apparently not as sweet.) This special treat consisted of big chunks of French chocolate, ground up and melted into steamed milk, then frothed to perfection. Heavenly! (Nez would swoon, I swear.)

Not a good day to visit people, be they former coworkers or H at work. J is too screamy. I don't know why. But we skip the visits, and I drive J home. I give him Tylenol, thinking his teeth are probably hurting. He spits the Tylenol out on the carpet. He screams. He cries. He will not be consoled. Is he hungry? I try to give him pieces of bagel with cream cheese. J licks the cream cheese off, then throws the bagel pieces around the room. I make a mental note to vacuum later.

And off we go to the doctor. Let's weigh the baby. How's he doing? We're sure he's gained weight. He's eating a bit better these days. He doesn't throw up any longer. We've been relieved.

But that's over now. J has not gained weight. J has lost weight again. I am given a list of very specific instructions on ways to clog my child's arteries and kill him by the age of two get his weight back up. I leave, determined to follow the doctor's orders, help my baby to put on weight, and be a good mommy. J screams. Frustrated and at the end of my tether, I scream back. I am a terrible mommy. I apologize, and then sing "Baby I Love You" all the way home to make up for my tantrum. J likes "Baby I Love You".

We get home, and I make J a pile of sugar and grease special calorie-enhanced grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. J eats about half of it. H doesn't realize what it is and takes a bite before I can stop him. I think he's stopped vibrating now, and the colours have probably returned to normal. I hope so, anyway.

How to make J a grilled cheese sandwich nowadays:

  1. Butter two slices of bread.
  2. Spread a spoonful of Polycose calorie-enhanced powder (carbs and sugar; yum yum) over the buttered side of each slice of bread.
  3. Layer several slices of full-fat cheese on the buttered side of one piece of bread and top with the other piece (buttered side down).
  4. Melt lavish amounts of stick butter in a frying pan and put sandwich in the hot butter.
  5. Add more butter. It should come halfway up the side of the sandwich.
  6. Turn the sandwich periodically with a spatula, to brown both sides.
  7. Add more butter. It should continue to be halfway up the side of the sandwich during the cooking process.
  8. When the sandwich is nearly done, stop adding butter. Continue to turn the sandwich periodically.
  9. Sandwich is done when it is a nice golden-brown and (and this is important) there is no more butter left in the frying pan.
Now, doesn't that sound yummy? I mean intensive care, leave your worries behind you, I hope you've done up a Will before you eat this, kind of yummy? Have you experienced heart failure just reading about it? Yes. That's what I thought.

J had a Minigo for dessert. More Polycose mixed into that. And milk. With Polycose. Polycose must be added to every component of every meal. It should be a separate food group on the Canada Food Guide. But it's not, and I hate giving it to my child.

Later, H vacuumed, and I took J for a nice walk. J was in the stroller, and we went down by the lake. It was a lovely time! J fell asleep in the stroller. Later, we canceled out on plans to visit with friends and eat pie this evening, because we were so excited that J was sleeping.

Probably just as well; I'd forgotten to take a tub of Polycose, a stick of butter, and a deep fat fryer to "enhance" J's pie-eating experience.

Why can't J be a healthy, chubby little baby, while I have problems gaining weight? Wny do I gain five pounds every time I look at a picture of a carrot in a menu?

I still feel fat. And I'm a bit irritable this evening. But tomorrow is a new day. I go back to work, and J goes back to daycare with specific instructions to fatten him up like a Thanksgiving Day turkey.


1 comment:

Rigmor said...

I just read about the sandwich and it makes my heart hurt! It makes double check my hand to make sure that the plum I am eating is, in fact, a plum.