Thursday, January 18, 2007

My J is sick

Terribly stomach-flu type sick. Vomiting on the couch and in the car kind of sick.

Today, he threw up after trying a small taste of grape jelly. Refused Digestive biscuits and toast. Held down nothing but milk. Ate one single Cheerio for dinner. Had a 3-hour long nap, some nasty messy diaper issues, and is now in bed for the night.

Obviously, today was not good for daycare. So I was home with J. I am glad I have a job where they are so understanding about this stuff, but I really wish J weren't sick so often. I feel like I've missed an awful lot of time from the office ever since J started daycare. I've missed time because J's been sick. I've missed time because of my kidneys - stone still hasn't passed, in case you were wondering. I've missed time because of exams. I've missed time because of the furnace. Just generally, I've missed time. And I'm tired of missing time.

I'm off two days a week for the rest of January and the first couple days of February, because J's schedule requires it. I knew about it well in advance and am taking vacation days. That much is fine. But I wish I didn't have to miss all the other time leading up to it.

I'm a mom, a student, and I work full-time. It's a lot of stuff to juggle. I knew that. I know that. I think I can handle it. I just need for outside forces to stop interfering. And I don't know how to make that happen.

Work is busy. I have files to do. I need to be there to do the job. I want to do the job to the best of my abilities, to learn, and to advance. I'm good at the job, and I have a lot of potential there. I think they see that in me. I just need my life to come more in control so that I can exercise that potential and actually work my usual hours on a regular basis. It's important. But how do I make that happen?

I feel frustrated.

No comments: