It's a severe sinus infection. Hurts like hell. Imagine someone attacking your eye socket with a crochet hook. Yeah. It's kind of like that. But now, I have drugs. The doctor says I should be feeling better by the weekend.
As painful as this is, though, I think it may actually be preferrable to the torture H had to endure at the hands of our children while I was away.
H: (singing) Rock-a-bye baby ...
H: ... in the treetop ...
H: ... the cradle will ...
H: WHAT, J?!?!
J: I want you to pretend to be the big giant cockroach from "Men in Black".
H: Rock-a-bye ...
H: FINE! (In a really low voice) I am the big giant cockroach from "Men in Black".
J: Big giant cockroach?
H: *sigh* Rock-a-bye baby ...
J: BIG GIANT COCKROACH FROM "MEN IN BLACK"?!
H: Yes, J!!!
J: Cockroaches are my favourite kind of large yucky bug, because they have big sharp teeth coming out of their cheeks.
H: Good. Is that all?
H: ... when the wind blows ...
That? Or the sinus infection? I think it's a toss-up. But what would you prefer?