In honour of her newest arrival, some fabulous folk are hosting a shower. Yup. It's an online baby shower for Tanis. They want to know: How are you a redneck mommy (or daddy)?
This is a toughy for me. 'Cause while I do live in the middle of the redneck prairies, in what I suspect is actually the redneck capital of the world, I don't quite fit in here. I don't have a double-wide. My firepit hasn't been used in about three years. No one in my family makes moonshine. I don't own a set of hair curlers. I'm involved in the arts, an advocate of gay's and women's rights, and I've never voted Conservative. There is nothing plaid in my wardrobe. I have two very tame tattoos, no piercings (other than the ears), and I don't shop at any store that uses the word "Hemp". Don't smoke. Barely ever drink, and when I do I tend to grab Blue Monday martinis. My musical tastes are eclectic, including various jazz standards, The Offspring, and Captain Tractor, but I loathe all things country. I work in finance, have diplomas in music and law, and am currently studying for an H.B.Com. and accounting designation. My family is religious, educated, and very very calm. No skeletons in our closets. I don't know what to tell you.
So ... yeah ... I guess you know you're a redneck mommy when you're not me?
Pathetic, I know. I hang my head in shame. Alright, I'm off to buy a head jacket now. I think I stand out a little too much, so I've totally gotta try and fit in better.
Love ya, Tanis. Congratulations again on the new boy!
2 comments:
I need to start hanging around you to class myself up.
Wink.
My husband wouldn't even know what to do if that happened.
Heh.
LOL! I don't think I could live with myself if you classed yourself up at all. You seriously rock, just as you are.
Also: my lack of redneckiness may not be 100% true. For in an effort to potty train our 3-year old, I did teach him a song and dance routine that cannot be replicated here, featuring phrases such as "Take your pants off, it's your birthday", "Hoochie-Mama", and "Booty slap". But in my defence, the song originated elsewhere (though it was not intended to be taught to a 3-year old; of this I am certain).
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