Cat toys are not suitable presents for your 4-year old son

Tonight, H and I stopped at a Second Cup to get expensive coffee drinks, because an occasional treat is a good thing and also because J had just announced that he needed to pee and Second Cup was close-by, and we can't abide being "those people"; you know, the ones who use an establishment's bathroom and then leave without buying anything and just really tick everyone right off. But mainly, we bought drinks because an occasional treat is a good thing. And to that end, when J spotted a special cookie that made his eyes just light up, we decided to get it for him.

A happy J skipped out of the Second Cup, cookie in hand. It was a big sugar cookie, shaped like a teddy bear and decorated with green and yellow icing, and J couldn't have been happier. It was very cute, and it looked delicious. We were sure that J would want to eat his treat right away.

J got back in the van, and H strapped him into his carseat. H then removed the cellophane wrap from the cookie and presented it to J so that J might eat his special cookie at once. And as H handed the teddy bear cookie to J, one of the bear's legs broke off. J looked kind of stunned for a moment. But we told him this wasn't a big deal; the cookie would taste the same, and J could just eat the leg first. Apparently placated, J began to eat his cookie. And we headed off for home.

As J continued to eat his cookie, he discussed the situation as he saw it. "Poor teddy bear", said J. And we explained to him that the teddy bear cookie was made to be eaten. It wanted to be eaten. This was the teddy bear cookie's sole purpose. But though J continued to munch on the cookie, he appeared somewhat upset. Periodically, J would look at his cookie with sad eyes and sigh mournfully at the poor teddy bear's plight.

J ate his cookie slowly. He ate the bear's legs, and arms, and then he started working on the bear's head. And then suddenly, he cried out "His eyes are gone!", in the same urgent tone of voice one might use to say "I backed over your brother! Call 911!" And I again told J that the teddy bear was made to be eaten, and that his eyes would surely disappear as he was eaten, and that it was all going to be okay.

To my dismay, J's big bright eyes welled up with tears, and he started to sob uncontrollably. He wouldn't eat the rest of the cookie. It was too painful for him.

He cried for the loss of his teddy bear, whose beautiful yellow and green icing was now completely gone. J wanted his teddy bear cookie to be whole, with yellow and green icing, and eyes that would last forever. He did not want to eat this special cookie. And he would not have done so had the teddy bear cookie's leg not fallen off when its package was opened. To J, this cookie was a real teddy bear, meant to be slept with, played with, and cuddled, and certainly not meant to be eaten. J was horrified that he had mistakenly eaten his new friend.

H considered going back to Second Cup to get J a new teddy bear cookie, but we realized that doing so would be problematic. J would try to sleep, cuddling his replacement cookie. And he would be upset when the cookie crumbled, or when it grew old and stale and had to be thrown in the garbage. Food is not forever. And cookies are meant to be eaten. We needed to come up with something else.

Toy stores are closed. Drug stores, however, are open. And so we stopped at one, looking for a teddy bear. Something small and inexpensive. Something inedible. Something that J could cuddle with and keep.

There were no teddy bears at the drug store. There was a large green ball with a picture of Winnie the Pooh on it, though. But J was unimpressed. A ball was not a friend. A ball was a poor substitute for a teddy bear. A ball could not take the sting off J's wounds. And as he looked at the ball, he tried to be happy. But the tears were still flowing, and they spilled over and wet his sweet little cheeks. He liked the ball, but it was just not the same.

Grocery stores are also open. And we need baby food. And so, with a basket of baby food in hand, I searched. I looked at baby toys, but there were no bears. I looked through the seasonal area, but there were no bears. Specialty items? Giftware? Greeting cards? Yeah, no. There were no bears. Ummm ... cat toys? (Don't judge me. I was desperate.) Oddly enough, there were no bears.

I had nearly given up when at last, I found them. In the back of the floral section. In an area that I think is actually reserved for employees only, but I didn't really care anymore. Balloons, frogs, dogs, unicorns ... and bears! Bears! Cute little stuffed teddy bears! They even had them in yellow and green! Perfect!!!

J sleeps now, with new bears in yellow and green. They are not meant to be eaten. They are not filled with catnip. And when he awakes, he will not be stunned and saddened by their unexpected deterioration into a pile of crumbs.

I am the mom who cannot bear to see tears in your eyes. I will do anything in my power to protect you and to make you smile. Heaven knows that there are harsh realities and disappointments to be faced in this life. You will encounter them someday. And much as it pains me to realize it, I won't always be able to make it better. But just now, you are four. You are four, and you are mine, and I can look out for you. I can't give you everything, but I can give you this. I can wipe your tears and kiss your ow-ies and offer you small tokens that bring a smile to your sweet face once more.

And at the end of the day, I promise that there will be teddy bears.

I love you, J.

All apologies

Dear N,

I know that your teeth hurt. And I know that you are tired of being in your swing. And I know that you want to be held, and cuddled, and fed copious amounts of fresh milk until you pass out in a happy little delirium with milk dribbling down your chin, dreaming of sugarplum fairies and really hot cars. And I think that's great. Those are lovely ambitions. Everyone should have a goal.

I understand that you are displeased with me, your humble servant. I appreciate that you feel my performance is less than stellar, as I am not quick enough to respond and cater to your every whim. But must you be quite so forceful in expressing your displeasure?

Seriously. Stop it.

I have fed you. A lot. I have held you, cuddled you, whispered sweet nothings and cooed to you as I looked deeply into your big blue eyes and smiled happily at you. I have given you Tylenol for your teeth, changed your diaper, burped you, and wiped the spittle from your face. I have pushed you in your swing just exactly the way you like to be pushed, sung songs to you, and ensured that your little stuffed-kitties-on-a-teething-ring toy is always close-by. And I sincerely don't know what more you could want. You have been treated like royalty. You have been fed, changed, snuggled, drugged ... this type of treatment would make most people very happy. But not you, oh my sweet baby of doom. You will not be content until you have thoroughly demonstrated your incredible vocal powers, so that all of the neighbours may take note and fully appreciate your amazing gift.

Why do you scream at me with such ferocity, making my head throb and my ears bleed as you permanently damage my hearing with your high pitched shrieks of rage? Your needs have been met insofar as I can meet them. It is perfectly apparent that you are tired and should just go to sleep now. And if you would stop screaming long enough to close your eyes and drift off into peaceful slumber, I feel you would quite enjoy it.

I know I would.

Love,

Your Mother

An open letter to the woman in the red car in the Timmy's line

Dear Kindhearted Lady:

I wish I could find you to tell you in person how much your generosity and kindness meant to us today. The fact that you chose to buy breakfast for the strangers in the car behind yours in the Tim Horton's line is an unusually thoughtful gesture. And ordinarily, this in itself would make a person's day. But you have no idea.

This morning, we were driving to a restaurant to have breakfast out. As we were safely stopped at a red light, our young son having a catnap in the back, we were suddenly struck from behind by another vehicle. The impact was intense, to say the least. We were pushed forward about 15 feet into the van in front of ours, which was the first in line at the lights. The impact that we had taken was so strong that this second impact pushed the other vehicle into the intersection where there was, thankfully, no oncoming traffic.

Our baby screamed and cried in the back. I reached for him, took him out of his carseat, and cuddled him until he felt better. But I was already very sore and stiff. H and the two other drivers exchanged information, and we all agreed to go to the police station together to report the accident.

We spent a considerable period of time at the police station. Once we were through reporting the accident, we left. We thought it best if we went to the doctor to have ourselves and little J all checked out. We were particularly concerned for our little boy, J, who is not quite 2 years old yet. We knew that he would not withstand the long wait at a walk-in clinic without having some breakfast first, and so we first went to the Tim Horton's drive-thru to pick up some breakfast for ourselves and our little boy before we went to the doctor to check on our injuries.

And that is where you came in and absolutely made our day. Thank you so much for your kindness and your generosity. You will never know how much this small gesture meant to us on this particular day. You are a wonderful person, and we appreciate you so much.

Once again, thank you so much.

**********

For those of you reading this who may be concerned, the verdict from the doctor is that I have a whiplash injury. J's carseat did its job, and he appears to be just fine thus far. We have replaced the carseat, as we all know that carseats, just like bike helmets, are only made to withstand one such impact. H is showing no negative effects as of yet, but the doctor says that soft-tissue injuries can take up to a month to rear their ugly heads.

So I am now on Codeine for pain, and may need some physio to treat the injuries. Wheeeee!

And I still absolutely adore the woman in the Timmy's line, who I don't even know and likely will never know. I think she's just the sweetest thing ever! Since we cannot repay her directly, we will repay her kindness to others.

Dear ISP

Please explain yourself, as I fail to understand why my homepage prominently displays an ever-so-creepy picture of Hanibal Lector front and centre. Nobody wants to see that. Especially not first-thing in the morning or late at night. And I am quite certain there are more pleasant things you could have come up with for me to look at.

I would appreciate it if you would remove the scary and demented picture immediately, as it has been up for an exceptionally long time and is seriously creeping me out!

No love,

Hating My Homepage

Hate mail

I despise you. I really do. You, and your evil offspring. You are all horrible.

Sure, you're cute. And in the past, I have quite enjoyed your pleasant chattering. But just now, I feel that it would be in my best interests to have you all exterminated. Of course, I would never do it. It's not that I think it would be wrong; it's just that it would be a waste of money, since there would be others just like you who would come along and replace you in an instant. But I desperately wish you would all leave voluntarily and let me live my life in peace.

It is the second time you and your evil offspring have done this to me. And on both occasions, you have cost me dearly. Nobody in my community liked you, except for me. I defended you staunchly. And then, you attacked, and all bets were off.

After the first occasion, I am somewhat ashamed to admit that my family had your home destroyed. But you would not be swayed, and you moved to another domicile, not 20 feet away! I got used to you, and we lived in peace for a time. You returned to your pleasant chatter, and I returned to defending your behavior. But eventually, I just moved away from you. I thought that this would be the end of our relationship. And when you died, I mourned your loss, never imagining that your children would carry on your vendetta in your stead. But now, I know. You are the victor. Even from the grave, you give the order and your minions continue to carry out your bidding. Yes, you got me again, didn't you? You horrible, small, pathetic, little being.

Tell me, do the kids just sit there, waiting for me to be nearby, so they can violate my possessions? They must, because they don't seem to do it to anybody else. Or is it just that my vehicles have some unique quality that they find exceptionally endearing? Is there something about my engine in particular that makes it especially convenient? It is an engine. It is there to propel my vehicle from one location to another. And no matter how warm it gets under the hood of my car, it is not meant to be used to freeze-dry your food!! But if you are going to use it for just such a purpose, would you be so kind as to remove the food when it is ready? This would at least be slightly more respectful than your nasty habit of leaving your food under the hood of my car, where it may catch fire or, as was the case last night, knock my heater fan out of commission.

And now, the heater only works on high speed. I am glad, though, that it still works. But I have no idea how much it will cost to repair the damage you vermin have caused this time. And I can't even ask your nasty little children to pay for the damage they did because, just like you, they are unemployed little rodents who live off the land. So once again, I take it on the chin.

I swear that I will get you for this. Somehow, someway, when they least expect it, your children will be made to suffer my wrath.

Stupid squirrels!

An open letter to two miserable old crones

Dear Miserable Old Crones,

It must be so tiring to be you.

Contrary to your own opinions, when you purchased your house, you did not also purchase the entire street that runs past it. And if people want to drive down that street, they can. It is not a private road. It is a public street that just happens to dead end by the playground. A very nice playground, I might add. A playground that our son will quite enjoy playing in. Every weekend from now on. Just to tick you off. I don't even care that it's out of our way! If it annoys you, that's good enough for me.

We drove slowly down the street. And we sat patiently and waited while you crossed the street, ever so slowly. It was a lazy day, and we were okay with the fact that you wanted to take your time. We didn't even bat an eye. It was apparent you have limited mobility. Even if you hadn't, we wouldn't have minded you meandering.

But when you turned around and indignantly lifted your cane over your head and shook it at us while the both of you shrilly screamed "This isn't a public road, y'know! It's private!! GET OUT!!!", we became sorely tempted to strangle you slowly with your very own oxygen lines. Not that we would ever do it. But it gives us little tingles of pleasure to think about it, you understand.

I am grateful that my little son was sleeping peacefully at the time, and that you did not scare him with your Halloween-ish antics. Had you frightened him, hurt his feelings, or otherwise made him cry, you may have forced me to do something I would have regretted. Because it is hard to get blood out of my clothes.

Enjoy your lovely house. I know I will enjoy staring openly at it, as I park my car on your public street directly in front of it on a very regular basis, revving the engine and playing my stereo loudly.

Do you like Ozzy? No? Good!

Dear J

Dear J,

Today, you had your flu booster. You were a big boy, and you barely cried at all. Mommy was very proud of you. You were the smallest baby in the clinic. Mommy hopes your weight gain will pick up soon and you will grow a bit better.

Today, you tried a fruit mixture of bananas, grapes and plums. You seemed to really like it. Mommy will make sure you get that fairly often from now on.

All in all, it has been a good day. You napped well this morning, but not at all this afternoon. You played in your exersaucer. We played with your blocks, played patty-cake together, and Mommy even put on a small puppet show for you with your various Pooh Bear beanie babies. You were cheerful and sweet, and Mommy had lots of fun playing with you today.

However, Mommy must make one tiny little request. Would you please refrain from trying to do headstands during your diaper changes? You spread the poop so far you nearly required a bath immediately after your change! And somehow, you even got the poop all over the back of your little green Tigger jacket. It was on the outside of the jacket, too! I have no idea how you managed it, but I suspect the headstands might have had something to do with it.

You may do headstands after diaper changes, but not during. Deal?

Love you,

Mommy

Dear Sirs

Dear J:

I love you, and I understand that you are sick. I am sorry about that. However, I must protest your latest antics.

Warning: May be TMI for some.

I am sorry that you have diarrhea. I wish you did not. But when you have pooped and overflowed your diaper, would you please not try to put your feet in it? And also, while Mommy is trying to change you and keep your feet poop-free, perhaps you could refrain from reaching down and sticking your hand in it. And then grabbing my arm, thereby getting poop on my shirt. And then trying to stick your poop-laden hand in your mouth, forcing Mommy to let go of your feet to save you from ingesting it. And then kicking your feet frantically, spraying the poop all about in the process.

I will try to get your white sleeper clean, because it is cute and Daddy loves how the collar makes you look like Elvis. But I would appreciate it if you wouldn't do your very best to ruin and stain it first.

Love,

Mommy

*****************

Dear H:

One more time, for posterity. The empty toilet paper roll does not stay on the dispenser. It gets removed and thrown in the garbage. The new roll does not go on the counter. It goes on the now-empty dispenser. I can leave an instruction sheet in all of the bathrooms, if you wish.

Love,

T

(Note: To be fair, H is actually far better at housework than am I. This is just my own little pet peeve.)

*****************

Dear Cat:

When J is snuggling in my arms and you leap into my lap, you should not be surprised when J grabs your fur and pulls, or tries to pet it in the wrong direction, or anything else. He is a baby, and he does not know any better. I will try to protect you as best I can, but you are best to just avoid putting yourself in the situation. I can accept your being grumpy, and I love you very much, but if you ever react harshly to the baby, I will give you away. And if you spark my computer one more time, as appears to be your preferred means of retaliation, I will no longer permit you to sit in the office.

Love,

Your Human

*****************

Dear Tutors:

Please refrain from answering questions from students' quizzes prior to the quiz due dates. It is most inappropriate to essentially do a student's homework for him or her. Besides, it is not the job of the course tutor to spoon-feed the students.

Yours truly,

Student

*****************

Dear Blogger:

Please respond to my email. It's been days, and I feel this situation should have been remedied by now.

Sincerely,

Cryptic

Dear Course Tutor

Perhaps I wasn't clear. When I requested that you check the Tutor Support board and respond to students' questions, I didn't mean to imply that you should respond only to my questions. The course has other students also. (You see, "students'" is plural; note the placement of the apostrophe.)

Thank you for answering my question, and also for approving the questions of my fellow students. It is good to be able to see what has been asked previously and to make note of where others are encountering difficulties. But it would be even more helpful if you would provide some form of assistance, and would actually answer the questions posed. I know I personally appreciated it, and I am certain that the other students in the course would also.

Sincerely,
The Squeaky Wheel

To J on his 8 month birthday

My darling J,

I can scarcely believe you are eight whole months old today! You are getting so big. Even though you are still small for your age, I just can't believe what a big boy you are getting to be.

Today, I put away some of the clothes that are too small for you. Your fuzzy orange "Hungry Caterpillar" outfit, which was Mommy's favorite on you for so long, has been packed away for a good month now. But other favorite outfits had to be packed up today. Your little blue Winnie-the-Pooh overalls with the bear feet had to go. I held them up to you just to be sure, and I realized you would never wear them again. Mommy is glad that you are getting so big and strong, my baby, but the realization still makes her a little bit sad.

Mommy and Daddy can't remember clearly just how very tiny you were when you came into this world. We see new babies now, and we say "J was never that small!" The joke is on us; usually, we discover you were even smaller! But you look so big compared to these new little babies. When did you get so big, honey?

You have two teeth now, both on the bottom. You don't have any top teeth yet, but you have been terribly grumpy lately. Mommy suspects your top teeth are trying to emerge and she thinks they must be bugging you. Your bottom teeth are pretty big now. We can see them quite clearly when you smile or cry. But you usually hide them under your tongue, and we can't get a good look very often.

You usually wake up happy these days. You talk to yourself, and you grab your "Randy Raccoon" blanket and tell him all about your nap. And you smile at Mommy and Daddy when we come to get you. We always put you down at the bottom of your crib, lying on your back, with your handknit baby blankie spread over you and your Randy Raccoon at the top of the crib. But when you wake up, you are always lying on your tummy at the top of the crib, grabbing Randy's little paws, and frustrated because your legs are tangled up in your blankie and you can't roll back over with ease. What a restless little sleeper you are!

You have tried many fruits and veggies now. Your favorite veggie seems to be green beans, and you like mixed cereal the best out of all of the infant cereals. You like applesauce and bananas now, which is nice for Mommy, since they are easy to prepare. You smile happily when Mommy gives you Cheerios; you won't pick them up off the highchair tray on your own, but you seem to think it is fun when Mommy pops them in your mouth. And today, you tried egg yolks! You seemed to think they were pretty yummy. Mommy and Daddy just cannot believe how much you can eat! You eat probably a good cup or more of dry infant cereal over 2-3 feedings a day, plus your fruits and veggies, and now Cheerios and protein foods too. I just don't know where you put it, you little baby, you. But you just love to eat, and you can't get enough.

You find all sorts of things funny now. You laugh when Mommy sings to you, and you laugh when she tosses you into the air and catches you. You still enjoy Daddy's "Flying Baby" game, and reward him with smiles and giggles. You miss Daddy when he is away at work during the day. When he gets home in the evenings, you want nothing to do with Mommy any longer, and you insist that Daddy spend time with you. Daddy does not mind in the least!

You are a very snuggly little baby, though you do enjoy playtime alone in your crib as well. You still are not motivated to sit on your own, but we try to get you to sit up for a little while each day. You are always on the go, reaching for anything in your sight and trying to move around. You love playing with plastic measuring cups, Mommy's hair, your toes, your little plastic rings, your Baby Tad from Memaw, and certain stuffed animals (mostly Monkey and Sheepy). You can kick your feet in your crib and make Baby Tad play you songs, and that seems to make you very happy. You do not like to go to sleep, though, and it takes a lot of convincing to get you to sleep, even when you are very, very tired. But when you are very, very tired, you really love to be held close and snuggled. You plunk your head down on Mommy's shoulder with a big thud, and fight to keep your big beautiful eyes open.

Mommy loves holding you. You are a beautiful, sweet, wonderful little baby, and Mommy is so very much in love with you.

I can't believe how fortunate I am to have you. I feel so lucky, and so very blessed. I thank God for you, and I pray for you every day - that God will protect you and keep you safe, that you will grow up to be the man you were meant to be, that Mommy and Daddy will be given wisdom and patience in raising you. I am just so very glad that God has given you to us, that he allowed us to keep you even though you were at such high risk during the pregnancy. I am so very glad that you are here with us now, safe and well, and that you are growing and developing so well. I am just so very grateful for all that is you.

I love you, my little man. So very much.

Love and kisses always,

Mommy

How can you

I am a good person. I am a nice person. A kind person. A loyal person. A generous and giving person.

I try to do the right thing. I usually succeed. I try to support my friends. I try to pay back my debts. I will come to the aid of those in need.

This is me. It is just who I am.

Why was I harmed? Why was I victimized? Why did you do this to me?

You can say you're sorry, but I don't believe you. Your actions speak louder than your words. You're not sorry; don't insult me by pretending to be.

My relationships are damaged. My trust lies in ruins. My faith in humanity has been destroyed.

My life is forever changed.

You did this. You cannot undo it.

I forgive you. Even though you are not sorry. Even though you repeat the same actions over and over again and harm other people, I forgive you.

But you are not welcome in my life. Stay away from me and mine. You will not be near me.

As for you, who would presume to judge me, I ask: how can you? Who do you believe yourself to be? You were not harmed. You were not victimized. They did not do this to you.

It is about me. My relationships. My trust. My faith.

My life.

I am glad that you were able to forgive and move on so quickly. But I am not surprised by this. You were not affected. I was.

This is my burden to bear. This is my heart and my pain.

I will let you know when I have rubbed it in enough. I will let you know when an appropriate length of time has passed.

I will let you know when I should be over it.

To whom it may concern

I perceive that you have hurt someone who I love. That is hard for me.

I perceive that you are unrepentant. I have not seen actions which demonstrate that you are sorry for the hurt inflicted.

I acknowledge that my perceptions are my own. Those around me do not share these perceptions, and they are entitled to their own viewpoints. That's fine; I can handle it.

I realize that, if I cannot find a way to give you a second chance, it will hurt some other people who are close to me. I truly want to give you that chance.

You have to earn it.

I will work on me. You, work on you.

Free Falling

J is up late. Talking. And throwing his soother about. If we put him in his crib, he gets progressively louder. We are exhausted and are currently taking turns walking the floor with him.

Odd things occur to you when you are passing-out-tired and the baby won't let you sleep.

****************
Dear Mr. Petty:

Much as I generally enjoy your music, I must take issue with "Free Falling". While it is an excellent song in many respects, I cite the opening lines:

"She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus, and America too
She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis
Loves horses, and her boyfriend too"

Has it occurred to you that you have rhymed "too" with "too"? This is one of the worst rhyme schemes I have ever heard, and it has annoyed me for years. There is no shortage of words that rhyme with "too". Let's explore a few possible ways of completing this lyric without repeating the word "too" at the end, shall we?

Here is my "Top 40". Let's take it from "Loves horses":

1. 'cause they make good glue
   
2. they're so fun to shoe
   
3. and cows that say "Moo"
   
4. and homemade beef stew
   
5. them horses can chew
   
6. she once thought they flew
   
7. and an actress named "Drew"
   
8. and her boyfriend, Stu
   
9. and cats; they say "Mew"
   
10. she can play the kazoo
    
11. and her boyfriend's canoe
    
12. and the Great Gazoo
    
13. and a bear named "Baloo"
    
14. coo-coo-ca-choo
    
15. she's contracted the flu
    
16. and Little Boy Blue
    
17. and Cindy-Lou Who
    
18. and her floral mumu
    
19. she can build an igloo
    
20. for a price, she'll love you
    
21. could you please buy a clue
    
22. when she gets sick, she'll spew
    
23. and a boy named "Sue"
    
24. and playing "Taboo"
    
25. and Seaworld's "Shamu"
    
26. from Katmandu
    
27. she's staging a coup
    
28. she lives in a slough
    
29. and good witches brew
    
30. and the whole cast and crew
    
31. bright with morning dew
    
32. and of course, the Haiku
    
33. Nanu Nanu
    
34. and "The Taming of the Shrew"
    
35. she invented "Yoo-hoo"
    
36. and Dogpatch's "Shmoo"
    
37. all shiny and new
    
38. skinamarinky doo
    
39. was that a kangaroo?
    
40. but not Raj Pannu

I am reasonably certain that more suggestions will be forthcoming, but you see my point.

In short: Buy a rhyming dictionary, you twit!!

Sincerely,

T

To one who needs a better path

I am perplexed.

It has come to my attention that you have harboured ill-will toward me and my family. It is not that I was unaware of the ill-will you have been harbouring, but I was unaware of the scale. It seems overblown, given the situation and lack of contact. I would have thought it would be over by now.

In light of what I have recently learned, I don't know exactly what to say to you. What happened, happened. It was a long time ago. No one can change what they have done in the past. The repercussions of your behaviour have been far-reaching. Friendships have been destroyed. They will not be rebuilt, because you will not allow that to happen. We have reached out to you, in kindness and in friendship, and you have relished in turning us away. You have taken pleasure in the thought that perhaps your actions have caused us pain and have even boasted to others about your bad behaviour as though it were somehow something to be proud of. But we have been unscathed by your actions, and it is the fact that you have enjoyed it so much that makes your behaviour so very reprehensible.

We have tried. We can try no longer.

I am not bad, mean, sour, pouty, petty, or any of the other colourful adjectives you have used to describe me. My husband is not "whipped". Standing by those you love when they are attacked is a normal response, and one that should have been anticipated when you acted as you did. Your current behaviour is not affecting us. It is not damaging our relationship. We rarely think of you. Your actions are only hurting yourself. When we learn of your actions, they are merely puzzling to us.

The anecdotes you relate to others are wildly inaccurate. I do not know if you are aware of that fact and revel in the lies you tell. Perhaps you have somehow convinced yourself that these stories are true. I hope the latter is the case. It seems a mildly better personality flaw to live in delusion, as opposed to focusing your energies on that place of vengeance and hatred where you seem to have set up residence. But in either case, it is sad that you live where you do, and I hope that you can move soon, to a better and more uplifting neighbourhood.

I am not the reason your friendships have deteriorated; you have done that to yourself. Your inappropriate actions have left those around you with no other choice. Had a compromise been possible, resolution would have occurred. We were always open to making such a compromise. It was you who was unwilling to bend.

I feel sorry for you. You are an unhappy person. And you are the cause of your own misery. But you will not be a cause of mine. You do not mean enough to me or my family to cause us any unhappiness. We are past this. We stand strong together, and we will not be felled by you.

Those who know me know that I am not the evil and controlling, manipulative monster you have made me out to be. Those who know my husband know that he is not a spineless man who caves in to the whims of his overly demanding wife. And those who do not know us do not matter to us; they can think what they like.

We know what happened, oh so long ago. We know who was responsible. We know that the apology which we deserve will never come. We accept that. The world continues to turn; the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. You are who you are; a part of our past and a learning experience for us. Our present and future are absent of you. We do not feel deprived.

We wish you peace.

To J on his 6 month birthday

My darling baby boy,

I can't believe you are 6 months old already. It's been over 13 months since Mommy and Daddy first got the news that they were going to have a baby. Oh, how happy we were! Mommy wept with joy and phoned Grandma and Auntie Jan right away to tell them. She didn't even care that it was so very early in the morning and she would be waking them up. We were just so excited that we couldn't wait to share our wonderful news! Grandma and Auntie Jan didn't mind having their sleep disturbed. They were just so happy to learn that you were going to be born. There was so much joy and anticipation!

We were going to wait until after the first trimester to tell everybody else about you, but Grannie was going on a trip, so Mommy and Daddy decided that she needed to know about you right away. I remember how we took her out for pizza. When we were sitting down, we presented Grannie with a fridge magnet that read "God couldn't be everywhere, so he made grandmas". Grannie thought we were talking about your cousins down east. Even when Daddy said "You are going to be a grandma again", she didn't pick up on it. Oh, how we laughed when the waitress realized what we were saying and offered her congratulations before Grannie! But once she realized that you were coming into the world, Grannie was happy as could be. She just couldn't contain her joy.

Mommy and Daddy realized right then that their precious secret would not be kept for long. We had to let everyone know you were coming, or someone else would. There was so much joy as each new person heard the news. I remember the big smiles we got when Mommy and Daddy grandly produced two little newborn sleeper outfits they had bought for you the day they found out, and inquired of Uncle Chris and Auntie Lisa, "If you were a baby, which would you rather wear?" Auntie Lisa ran behind the concession counter where Mommy was working to give her a big hug. Similarly, many hugs and congratulations were received at work and from friends. Grannie couldn't keep the news a secret; she was just bursting with excitement. She told Great-Aunt Juliet, and before we knew it, all your Great-Aunts and Uncles knew too. We were all so happy!

I remember it all so clearly, it just doesn't seem possible that it was over a year ago!

Mommy signed up on one of those pregnancy calendar thingies, where they email you once a week to tell you all about your baby's development so far. They kept comparing you to fruit ("This week your baby is the size of a raspberry"). Daddy went out and bought raspberry ice cream to celebrate that one. And when they said that you had little paddles for hands and feet, Daddy started calling you a platypus baby. Oh, the fun Daddy had with it when you developed webbed fingers and toes! And even though Mommy was so horribly nauseous, even right away, she couldn't believe her good fortune. Morning sickness felt like winning the lottery, Mommy felt so very lucky.

You gave Mommy and Daddy a lot of scares along the way. Daddy used to joke about it; he said that once you were born he was going to periodically sneak up on you and shout "BOO!", just to get back at you for scaring us so often. (He did scare you playing "peek-a-boo" one morning, but he assures me it was unintentional.) Mommy had a lot of ultrasounds, and long periods of bed rest, and many trips to the hospital to make sure you were still okay. In one of the earlier ultrasounds, Mommy and Daddy could see you already sucking the little stub that would become your thumb!

And then, on December 1, 2004, your placenta started to pull away, and Mommy thought she was going to lose you. I have never been so scared in my life. Two of my coworkers immediately rushed me to Emergency. Daddy met me at Emergency, and we spent the whole day there just praying for all we were worth that God would spare you and bring you into the world safely. Grandma and Grandpa and all the good people from their church prayed for you also. And their friends started praying too. So many people were praying for your safe arrival. And I guess God heard all our prayers, because here you are today. But after that episode, even more ultrasounds were needed. Here you are, being all dramatic on the morning of December 15:


Mommy thought your bone structure resembled Auntie Holly's here, and she called her to tell her so. Auntie Holly was thrilled!

Mommy spent a lot of time on bedrest. Daddy was such a strength and support through it all. He worked all day and handled everything at the house as well. And he cared for you and Mommy so very well, making meals and helping Mommy when she would get sick. Once the morning sickness left, it was replaced with horrible reflux, and Daddy would have to go downstairs many times a night to get Mommy milk to help her feel better. Eventually, Mommy and Daddy learned, and a cooler was placed by the bed so Mommy could help herself during the night.

The family all pitched in and helped as much as they could too. Daddy, Uncle Chris, Grandpa and Grandma all went to town and decorated your bedroom, and Auntie Jan planned your quilt. Mommy spent a lot of time knitting your little orange blankie that you take everywhere. She received a lot of directions from Auntie Jan, because Mommy is not the best knitter. But she is proud of the fact that she completed it all by herself and Auntie Jan did not have to finish it for you. Daddy went out on his own and bought your little bassinet that you slept in for your first four or so months. And Nana brought up your change table all the way from Calgary. We were ready, and still just hoping and praying for your safe arrival.

Then suddenly, you were here. You were early, and you were small and jaundiced, but you were here. Healthy and safe. Mommy and Daddy fell in love with you as soon as they laid eyes on you. We'd spent so much time loving you and praying for you, wanting you here, hoping you'd wait, feeling your sweet little kicks from in Mommy's tummy, reading Dr. Seuss to you. We already knew you, and it was a dream come true to hold you in our arms and know that you were okay.

Mommy loves holding you in her arms now, but a big part of her still misses feeling your little kicks in her tummy. You could knock the wind right out of her. On more than one occasion, you kicked the book she was reading off of her and onto the floor! Daddy used to come and put his hand on Mommy's tummy to feel your kicks, and he was so happy when he would feel you fluttering away in there.

You were only 5 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long at birth. You were tongue-tied and colicky, and you didn't gain weight very quickly. You cried all the time! We spent a great deal of our budget on gasoline, driving you around to calm you. But we loved you so very much and did all we could for you. We got your tongue-tie fixed, went to the breastfeeding clinic to learn better techniques for feeding you, and started you on a healthier weight gain. We had your hearing checked when we realized that you didn't react to loud noises; we were very relieved to learn that you can hear perfectly and that you were just ignoring us, a skill we are sure will serve you well into your teen years. We took you in regularly for your immunizations and doctor's appointments, read to you, sang to you, and introduced you to the cats. We snuggled you and played with you, washed your laundry and comforted you when you were sad. We have loved every moment of it!

And now today, here you are. 6 months old! You can roll over all by yourself, and you grab and hold things (especially Monkey and your sucky-thing). You have favorite toys: your Monkey, rings, bedtime Pooh, your exersaucer. You have wonderful neck control and are trying to sit up on your own. You are getting teeth, though they haven't emerged yet. You reach for toys that you want, and you enjoy being sung to and playing peek-a-boo. You smile in your sleep when Mommy sings you "Love You Forever", and you enjoy "The Seals on the Bus" at playtime.

You weigh 14 lbs 6-1/2 oz today, and you are over 2 feet tall! You are so big now! We have had to start putting your clothes away as you outgrow them. You make noises - "Hi", "Ga" and of course, your favorite "Thbbbbt!" Today, you had your 6 month immunization. You sat on Mommy's lap and blew big raspberries at the nurse, and when you got your shots, you cried only briefly. Then Mommy cuddled you and you calmed down, like the big boy you are. Mommy was so very proud of you.

I love you so very much. I love you more than I ever thought was possible, and I want all good things for you. I pray for you every day and every night, that God will keep you safe and protect you, and that Mommy and Daddy will be given strength and wisdom in your upbringing. I wish for you to have the very best life, to be good and kind, strong of spirit and sweet-natured. To grow up to be the person you were meant to be.

We thank God every day for the tremendous gift that he gave us in you. It is Thanksgiving this weekend, my sweet little man, and a perfect time to reflect on you, the greatest gift I have ever received. I am so thankful to have you in my life. I am so very proud of you. Every new thing you do brings Mommy and Daddy such tremendous delight. You are the absolute brightest light in our lives. Your beautiful smile brings us such joy, your tears make us weep, and your many noises make us laugh.

I know that this letter is long, and I still don't think it has done you justice. I love you more than mere words can say. I would do anything for you; you are my best little friend, and I delight in you. I am so proud of the boy you are growing up to be.

I love you even when you throw up on me. Like now. And so I must end this letter and go get cleaned up now.

I would like you to always remember how very special you are, how wanted you were, and how very, very loved you are, my sweet precious angel.

Love you forever,

Mommy

xoxoxoxoxoxo