She was a wonky, one-armed evil Walmart mitten eater

I'm addicted to Jen's blog over at Steenky Bee. She's taking a bloggy break, and I just don't know how to stay amused without her cool brand of funny! But fortunately, she is guest posting today over at Kaply, Inc., so I was able to get a bit of a fix. She shared a somewhat unique version of the old tale, Gift of the Magi. I don't remember it quite the way she related it, though there are certainly similarities.

You remember the story, don't you? There was this couple who had no cash for Christmas presents, so the guy sold his hand to buy his wife combs for her hair, while she sold her head to buy him a watch that would no longer stay on his bloody stump. And that was of course the end of the story, 'cause you can't live without a head. Or so I've been told. Though many of the people I encountered at Walmart last night have made me question that particular theory. Especially that one fool who actually stole one of my mittens out of the bathroom, and I have no idea what she plans to do with her ill-gotten booty that I would consider to be quite frankly useless unless she happens to have a spare right-handed black mitten at home that matches my left one perfectly. Or maybe she lost her right arm in some tragic shopping accident and just can't bring herself to purchase two mittens 'cause of the exorbitant financial waste and stuff, so she lurks in the Walmart bathroom hunting for lefty mittens. Seriously, WTF, Crazy-Walmart-Chick?!?!

(Yes, of course I checked at the lost-and-found. What do you take me for?)

Anyway, it's true. I was at "Walmart" last night. Judge me all you like. I don't care. They had the perfect gift for my son, at the perfect price, in the perfect badly damaged box that made the price even lower when I couldn't really care less about the condition of the box anyway, since it just goes to recycling and the box's contents are in perfect shape. So, lost mitten or not, I'm good with my find. Also, oddly enough, Walmart actually sells mittens too, so I left with three whereas I'd arrived with only two. What a bargain!

(In hindsight, I bet the Walmart store manager stole my mitten so I'd have to buy more stuff while I was there. Evil Bitch.)

Puff the magic dragon

I shouldn't write when I am in a negative headspace. The dark and broody stuff just comes out then. And really, this blog is supposed to be fun. I try to post the fun and comedic and leave the dark and broody posts alone as much as I can. But there are times ...

Hmm ... Perhaps I need a separate dark and broody blog space for that stuff. I'll give that some thought.

In the meantime, we are now back to normal over here. And to celebrate, I present the following:


Happy Halloween!!

Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Today is Canadian Thanksgiving. In our household, it goes something like this.

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H: J, put your shoes on please.
J: I got the green!
T: J, can you please move that toy?
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: I wanna take this hammer!
H: Fine. But put your shoes on please.
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
T: J, I really need you to move this.
H: Please do what your mother tells you.
J: I got that green, too!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
T: Come on! I need to pee!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
H: Why did you take your pants off, J?
J: I ... um ... can't remember.
T: I can't get around that toy, J. It's too big.
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: N's crying.
T: J! Will you please move that toy!
H: J! Pants! On!
T: Honey, you're confusing him.
J: I wanna take this saw too!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
H: N, please stop.
J: I want chocolate!
H: No, J. We're going to have dinner.
T: Pants! Toy! Now!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: But I want chocolate!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
T: Please? Please move the toy?
H: No chocolate! Listen!!
T: (Singing to N) Rock-a-bye, baby ...
H: J, put your pants back on.
J: Why?
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
H: Because I asked you to!
T: ... when the wind blows ...
J: But I want ... um ...
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
H: I am tired of you saying "I want"!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
T: ... the cradle will fall ...
J: But Daaaaadddddyyyyy!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: I want ...
H: Stop saying that!
T: Please stop crying, N? *sob*
J: Whyyyy??
T: H, can you move the toy?
H: J! Move that toy!!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
T: J? Please?
H: Why won't you listen, J?
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: I wanna watch "The Incredibles"!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
H: N, please stop crying!
T: What?! No! We are not watching a movie!
J: But Mooooommmmyyyy!
T: I said no!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
H: J! Put your pants on!
J: Umm ... I ... I wanna ... umm ...
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
T: Enough! I need to pee! Move the toy!!
J: I give you the toy!
H: Good, J. Now please, put your pants back on.
T: Thank you, J.
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: You're welcome, Momma.
H: N! Please?!
J: Can we watch "The Incredibles"?
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
H: No, J. It's time to go!
T: How are you doing, honey?
H: Just great! J?! Now!!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: But I'm just spinning!
T: I'll be right there!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
T: Okay. Can we go?
H: J! Pants!
J: Um ... oh! Okay!
H: Thank you, J.
T: Okay. Now can you put your shoes on?
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: I want my boots!
T: No. You need to wear shoes.
J: But I want my boots!
H: No, J! Shoes! Put them on!!
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
J: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
T: ...
N: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
H: ...

**********
Today, I am thankful that H didn't just drive off the embankment on the way to his brother's house for Thanksgiving. Thanks, Hon!

And Happy Turkey Day!!

The J and the Jellybeans

Jellybeans are J's favorite candy. Apparently, they are manna sent from heaven. They must be. I have no other explanation for why he will eat them when he eats absolutely nothing else.

The Easter Bunny left jellybeans (and a few other special treats) in a basket on J's slide on Easter morning. J insisted on jellybeans for breakfast. We insisted that he would not have jellybeans for breakfast. It's hard to know who won the argument; he ate a paltry few jellybeans and refused all of the other food we tried to give. Did he have jellybeans for breakfast? Or did he skip breakfast entirely? Who can tell.

After the early morning Easter fun, we went to get bloodwork done. J and I both needed to get bloodwork. We reasoned that the lab would not be busy on Easter Sunday, everyone assuming they would probably be closed. We were correct; there was no wait at all.

I've gotten used to the whole bloodwork thing; being anemic, they check me often. But I'm not good with anyone poking a needle into my little boy's arm. J screamed and cried. H held him. I sang to him and tried to comfort him as best I could. Three nurses held his arm and tried to find a decent vein. Eventually the blood was drawn. J's reward was, of course, more jellybeans. And a nap; he'd really tired himself out fighting with the nurses.

J received finger puppets, jellybeans, Hershey's Kisses, a couple of sports balls, and the cutest stuffed bunny rabbit ever for Easter. He was a happy little guy!

Today, J's daycare celebrated his birthday. They let him wear a construction paper hat with a big "2" on it. And we took birthday cake for his class to share. Very cute! If we can ever convince J to wear his hat again, we'll post pictures. He refused to wear it when he got home. He's really not a "hats" kind of kid.

Happy birthday, my sunshine!

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday. Busy, busy. 'Tis the season, you know.

Yesterday was J's second birthday. We had a party in his highness's honor. A few close friends came by. A few others couldn't make it. Some family came. Some couldn't make it. Such is life for a child born in April. Sometimes, we're bound to hit the Easter long weekend.

I actually got yesterday off work. (Shock! It was tax season! And I took a Saturday off!) I worked Good Friday, though. And a little bit today also. But yesterday, I hung out with H, J, and a few well-wishers.

J enjoyed his birthday party tremendously. He especially enjoyed playing with his little friends. Robbie came from daycare along with his mommy. I'd never met her, and I quite liked her. Sadly, she's moving away soon. She seemed so nice, and I'd love to add her to our circle of friends, but she'll be all the way across the country in a few short months, so I guess it's just not meant to be. Draya, Brandon, Michael (the "big boy" of the group), and J's two little cousins came and played with him. The new slide we'd bought J was set up in a corner of the living room, and it was a big hit. The kids all seemed to have lots of fun climbing up and sliding on down. Robbie loved playing in J's ride-in car, and Michael and Draya both seemed to quite enjoy his motorcycle.

There was pizza, and J had a chocolate and custard "Bob the Builder" birthday cake, topped with Bob and Wendy stampers filled with edible ink. He played hard, ate nothing ('cause that's what he does), enjoyed all his new toys, and eventually went to bed a very happy little guy.

As Lee said: "The party was a success, because J didn't cry during Happy Birthday".

Thanks, guys, for making the day so special for us and our little sweetheart!

Happy birthday, my sweet little man. I love you so much.

The Nutcracker

J's first Christmas concert was tonight. Daycare put on "The Nutcracker". We dressed little J in his special little three-piece suit and his new "Cars" shoes that light up when he runs about, smoothed his hair down, and headed off to watch our little boy in "The Nutcracker".

He did his part very well, I assume. I can't remember the name of the character he played, but it was the one who gets pushed about in a stroller while refusing to wear his antlers, mouth stuffed with cookies, tears streaming down his face, arms outstretched, screaming "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

You know which one I mean.

Here are some pictures from before, during, and after J's first ever Christmas concert. Enjoy!

Halloween Party

Went to A&L's Halloween party last night. We didn't stay for long, as usual. J likes to get to bed pretty early these days. Besides, chasing him up and down the stairs was getting tiresome.

J dressed as a frog. L&P were already there with the girls when we arrived. L and her girls were all dressed as princesses. Andrew managed to get a picture of the princesses with the frog, which we will post if we receive a copy. Priceless!

The height of cuteness was when 4-year old Izzy, in her beautiful Cinderella princess costume, came into the living room carrying J, the frog. She had him under his armpits, and he was just hanging there kind of limply, his feet not quite reaching the floor. She deposited him on the couch and told us that he was too close to the stairs.

She did this twice, by the way.

It was adorable!

J stuffed his face with junk; mostly chips and chocolate cookies. I didn't wish to argue. At least he was eating something, for a change. He seemed to have a nice time, eating junkfood, chasing A&L's cats about, and socializing with his friends. We had fun too. It was good to have a break from school work.

But I must continue to hit the books. I'm almost through 7.4 now. Still have a lot of catching up to do, and a fair bit of Module 7 left to complete.

How many more years of school do I have ahead of me again? Five? Six? How will I possibly get through this?

Mountain View

We went to the mountains this past weekend. Had a blast! Despite the fact that little J was sick the entire time, and kept sneezing everywhere.

Here is a photo recap of our trip.

This is where we got to stay:




In Lake Louise:


Kananaskis Country:




Bullwinkle Was Here:


Scenery Shots:





Home Again, Home Again:

Canada Day 2006

Fine. Why do you ask?

And how was your Canada Day?

Santa

Ninedoors takes such beautiful photos!

We took J to see Santa tonight. Ninedoors took a beautiful picture of J on Santa's lap. J wore his special "Baby's First Christmas" outfit, and he has a nice big smile on his face! Santa was very nice, too. He gave J a coloring book (to eat, of course; J wasted no time getting started) and a candy cane, and he told J that "Santa loves you".

It was good to see Ninedoors and her Boy again. They are a very nice couple!

H and I also managed to get a bit more of our Christmas shopping done. Just a few more things to buy, and we'll be done. We need to learn to not wait until the last minute.

I wonder what J asked Santa for. I hope it was a baby sleigh...

Why I wasn't at the solstice party

They said:
Solstice party!

I heard:
Show-us-your-ass party!

My bail was set at $150.

Anyway, I hope everyone else had fun.

Remembrance Day

H and I took J to the Cenotaph this morning for Remembrance Day. It was a good service. We were late, though, as J had a doctor's appointment first. We thought it was unusual that the doctor's office was open today, but it was fine by us; J needed to be seen. He is fine. We finally got to introduce J to H's friend, JL. With his three children and our lives being so busy these days, we have not seen him at all since J's birth. I was glad that we finally got to see him.

This afternoon, I met up with shiny gal and va1kyrie for a tour of Second Cup Country. H looked after J, who fussed and complained, but H managed well. Shiny gal and I saw a unique sign today; H will have to get a picture of it for the blog later. It read "Video STD $0.99". Made me laugh! (As did the fact that my blog's spellcheck system does not recognize the word "blog".)

I have been studying this evening. Working on my last module for the course. I have a quiz to complete by Wednesday, and then I get to start my exam prep. The final is on the 30th, and that is coming up way too quickly. I am nervous.

Tomorrow, we have some errands to run and I have a lot of work to do on my course. But I also need to take some time out to go on a run to 'Chelle's gravesite. Recent newspaper articles have brought up some feelings from my past. The result? I find myself having issues with history this week, and I need to iron them out. Logically, I know that 'Chelle's spirit is not in her grave and she can hear me no better there than she can anywhere else, but the headstone will give me something to talk at, and I feel that I need that just now.

I miss her. Even when I get angry, I miss her.

Happy Halloween From J

BOO!


(More pictures will be forthcoming, just as soon as I have some time to upload them. There are a bunch!)

As an aside, methinks the blog spammers found me tonight. I am going to try to shake them, but if I am unsuccessful, I will have to turn on the "word verification" option to get rid of them. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Wheeeee

Another day, another Halloween party. Tonight, we decided to go as the Spiderman family. (To clarify, think in terms of nice Jewish last names, like Goldman, Silverman, ... Spiderman). H and I both wore Spiderman t-shirts and J wore his Spiderman jammies and his Elmer Fudd hat. We were "Phil, Gina and Elmer Spiderman". We had no shoes that went with J's Spiderman jammies, but this was remedied by H, who suggested J's duckie sleeper should go under the Spiderman jammies so J would have "webbed feet". It was a lovely pun, and a good time was had at the party.

Until J decided it was time to go home, that is. He got mad and started to cry, and we had to leave. But that was probably okay; I still have studying to do, and my nephew's birthday party is tomorrow, so I have to buckle down into the wee small hours tonight. Busy these days.

*************
J drank out of a sippy cup for the first time today. We offered him some water from his sippy cup when he was having his dinner. He seemed to quite enjoy that. He did quite well with it. I was most impressed.

I was pretty unimpressed that we had to miss J's swimming lesson this morning, though. We tried to get there, but were stopped by a train. Literally. The thing took 20 minutes to clear the tracks, and by that time, we were going to be really late for swimming. It just didn't seem worth it to go and get ourselves and J ready so that we could hang in the pool for maybe 10 minutes, so we decided we'd best just forego it. I was disappointed; I love watching J play in the pool. But it was a wise choice, given the circumstances. C'est la vie.

*************
Tonsils are infected yet again. This time, it's the right side that's all swollen up and painful. I wish they would just take them out already.

But they won't.

Just Stuff

Went to a Halloween party tonight. H and I didn't have costumes, so we just went as ourselves. J's really cool costume that we got from Holly doesn't fit well in his car seat, but we wanted him to dress up. So tonight, J went dressed as Elmer Fudd in the opening sequence to the Bugs Bunny cartoons. He had a red and black plaid hunting hat with ear flaps, and wore a little black and white tuxedo with red vest. To complete his ensemble, Monkey dressed up as Bugs Bunny. He had socks over his ears and wore a little shirt with "WASCALLY WABBIT" written on masking tape taped to the back of the shirt. It was a funny little costume.

*************
Driving home, I heard an announcement on the radio for a "Lingerie Pumpkin Carving Contest". This begs the question: How does one use one's lingerie to carve a pumpkin? Or are we talking about Madonna and the pointy bra here?

*************
Heard some super-sappy "Why Won't You Love Me" song on the radio. I don't know what it is, because I couldn't listen to that garbage for long enough to get a title. Gist seemed to be "You don't love me, and maybe you never did, and you left me, and now I'm incomplete, and my dog hates me, and there is no point to anything anymore, 'cause you left, and nothing was ever any good again." You know ... the usual drill. I can't believe anyone would buy something like this. "And now, the latest track from 'Music to Mope By'". Here's an idea ... we'll listen to the CD, break the bottle and pass it around.

*************
Working on my course. I hate this section. It's all about investments, and it seems that isn't quite my area. I really have to struggle to understand it. I have a quiz to write on this one. I will try not to be upset if I don't do as well on it. At least I know this isn't my area, so I know what I have to work on.

*************
Have you seen that commercial? The one with the gorgeous woman trying to entice the young man to smoke, sexily leaning in and telling him how much he wants her ... and then he chews his quitting gum, and we see the gorgeous woman morph into some hideous troll-like demon? Ever notice how some people are like that? It boggles my mind. They can seem so beautiful in so many different ways, but then, just below the surface, there's this hideous troll-like demon just waiting to get out. Why is there a demon in such a beautiful package? It makes no sense to me. Packaging should advertise what it sells. It would be so much easier to tell personality types apart if a person's surface matched his or her inner workings. Of course, then we'd probably all have warts and big ugly moles, 'cause who has an unflawed personality after all (and who'd want to hang out with Little Miss Perfect anyway)? But a degree of deformity could be used as a guideline, to tell the really ugly and defective personality traits apart. Yes, this would work for me.

But what do I know about such things really? I can't even understand investments; I can't be expected to understand the nature of a poor reconciliation between visual and actual. Still, shouldn't there be some way for us to see things as they are? I don't think the school-of-hard-knocks is a fitting educational forum for life. There must be an easier way.

*************
Apparently, I like things to be easy. I should get over that. Nothing in life is easy.

J's first Thanksgiving - and more on the cereal

This morning, J ate some of his cereal. He still didn't finish the small portion in his bowl, but he did eat. Thank you all for the tips.

I fed J, burped him, and waited about 45 minutes, until he started acting kind of hungry again. Then H got himself a bowl of Cheerios so he could eat breakfast with his son. I tried putting some of J's rice cereal on my finger and letting him suck so he would get the taste. (Thank you va1kyrie for that suggestion; he didn't seem to mind it as much that way.) And then H sat next to him and demonstrated eating with a spoon. J stared at his daddy. Then I tried offering J some of his cereal from the little silver spoon, and found him to be more responsive.

Now, he didn't open wide to eagerly accept his cereal or anything like that, but he did take some of it in. He took about half the serving I'd gotten ready for him. It wasn't much, but it was certainly better. And shortly after he finished with the cereal, he filled up with more breastmilk.

Maybe I just have a baby who wants the milk for dessert. Who knows?

************
J's first Thanksgiving Monday was very nice. We went to C&L's place for a wonderful turkey dinner. We took baked acorn squash with us. (Yum!) L made her first turkey. She cooked a wonderful meal that we really enjoyed.

We amused ourselves after dinner by telling riddles. I enjoy a good riddle, and many were told tonight. It was lots of fun.

J slept through most of the evening. I suspect he is going through a growth spurt. He sure is tired. On a bright note, he hasn't vomitted in a few days. But he still has a bit of a cough. He will be seen for his 6 month checkup on Wednesday, so I'll mention it to the doc then.

************
I worked through some more of my course and am slowly grasping more of it.

Words of wisdom: Never take a financial accounting course without equipping yourself with a financial calculator. Sure, you can figure out the problems manually, but why anyone would want to is beyond me. The calculator makes it so much quicker and easier. And with the limited time given to write exams, we need all the shortcuts we can get. (I bring this up because it seems many of my classmates do not yet have financial calculators, and they are running into trouble as a result.)

************
J is sleeping peacefully in my arms. He has the right idea; it is late. I'm going to knock off my studying for the night and go to sleep now.

Driver Training

To all the drivers on our city streets who feel that driver training is somehow beneath them:

When you come upon an intersection and the lights are out, and there is now a red flashing light in all directions, that means that you have reached a 4-way stop. It does not mean that you have the right of way at all times, because you are so much more special than all the other drivers on the road. Stop your car and wait your turn, you selfish little creep.

When there are two cars ahead of you waiting at a red light at which you wish to turn left, you are expected to wait your turn. You are not, under any circumstances, supposed to veer into the oncoming lane of traffic so that you can get ahead of the other cars and make your left turn more quickly. The left lane does not become the right lane just because you happen to be in a hurry this evening, and a head-on collision could kill you and take several innocent parties out also. Please purchase a brain at your corner store.

Traffic going straight has the right of way over traffic turning left from a stop sign. Do not turn left in front of oncoming traffic and cut them off. I don't care that you are driving a bus that could squash my little Chevy in an instant. Just because you can turn my Chevy into a much more compact vehicle doesn't mean you should do so. Now calm down!

Red means stop. Green means go. Do not come to a complete stop at the red light, and then proceed to inch ever so slowly through the intersection, thinking that the light may turn green at any moment. Wait until the colour actually changes, please (Mr. Aforementioned-Bus-Driver).

*****************
We went to my parents' place for Thanksgiving tonight. J slept for most of it, except for those brief moments when he blew raspberries at all who would listen. He is still exhausted from his shots yesterday. R&C's little girl, S, (my 2-year old niece) provided much amusement, though.

R&C: S, do you want to sing the alphabet song?

S: ...

R&C: S, go show Grandma how you can sing the alphabet song!

S: [walking over to Grandma and climbing in her lap] ...

Grandma: S, do you want to sing the alphabet song with me?

S: [loud and emphatic] NO!

Canada Day Activities

We took J to a Canada Day Parade today. Here are some shots of J "enjoying" the parade!

Getting ready to go

At the parade




All tuckered out

First Mother's Day

Well, we had a wonderful day. H's sister is in town, so we got to spend the day with most of the mothers from both of our families. We missed my sister-in-law, S, though. H gave me a pretty gold locket with a picture of our little J-man in it for my first mother's day. And I love it so much.

My husband and little boy are just the best!

J was a bit fussy at dinner, so we had to put him in his bouncy. He made his patented "Zoolander" face, and we got a pretty good picture of it. I don't know how long he'll continue to make that face. *Sigh!* Babies don't stay little forever.

Anyway, here are the best shots we have taken of J's "Zoolander" face. (It's hard to time the pictures just right!) In the first shot, J was just a few days old. The second was taken today.