Not me! Monday: In a perfect world

Have you read My Charming Kids? If not, you really should. MckMama is a delight to read. And every week, she runs "Not Me! Monday". I wish to participate this week, 'cause ... well ...


Seriously. It's been a heckuva day.

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Today, J, N, and I all lived in perfect harmony. There were no interruptions in the form of multiple phone calls to various parties discussing a number of vehicle issues. And there will not be a number of expensive repairs to the van. (But even if there were, we have enough money to deal with it, so no problems there. Isn't it great that the economy is thriving these days?) In any event, the van is, and has always been, in perfect working order; therefore, we have not required a rental vehicle for the past week and a bit.

The car that we own is actually the perfect size for a family of four and is also, as it has always been, in perfect working order. It has not been in the shop twice in recent months and is not currently in need of a bit more work. We do not need to upsize one vehicle, and then do some repairs to and sell our existing car.

Because we have had no vehicle issues of late, our finances are in perfect working order. (Especially since there have been no reductions to our income.) We certainly did not have to spend several hours poring over a bunch of papers, financial calculator working overtime, trying to figure out our best financing options. (And had we done so, I would have figured it out immediately with no false starts whatsoever, just as any good accountant would.)

The Christmas tree was taken down on the weekend, as we had planned. And because that was done, J did not fall headlong into its bottom branches this morning, where he lay on his back with his feet sticking up in the air shouting "I need help!" while I briefly considered whether to provide immediate assistance or really just grab the camera. (You will note the lack of pictures, so guess which option won out.) He also did not fall off the back of the couch. Or his kitchen stool. Nor did he find a stickpin under the couch this morning, because the floors were vacuumed today. And so, J didn't hurt his foot, or head, or leg, or hand, or neck, or knee, or elbow, or shin. Nope. Not even once. He ate all of his breakfast, and all of his lunch, without any coaxing whatsoever, and made no mess at all in the process. Therefore, there is not a half-eaten peanut butter and banana sandwich that I have all but forgotten about currently in the microwave. He put all of his toys away before having a nice long nap, from which he did not awaken over an hour early.

N too was angelic. He barely cried at all, and certainly did not spend the majority of his time today screaming frantically regardless of what I did to placate him. And because both my sons were calm and sweet and quiet today, I was very productive and got lots of work done on my course. I ate a balanced diet with no junkfood. I did not spend the 15 minutes of freedom I had stuffing my face with a bag of Doritos while I vaguely attempted to read my course notes and failed to absorb anything at all. Score!

Later this afternoon, J and I baked an apple pie for dessert tonight. N did not awaken partway through the process and, if he had, I would not have left him in his crib making vaguely dissatisfied noises until I was done chopping the apples for the pie. The pie is baked to a lovely golden brown and is sitting on the counter, cooling. It is not in a state of partial doneness, filling sitting in a bowl in the (very cool) oven while we wait for H to arrive with more flour so that we can make the pastry. Actually, we had plenty of flour in the house and, when I opened the new bag that was sitting on the pantry floor, I did not find bugs crawling around in it and have to put it outside for trash day. And you see, because that never happened, I did not spend a moment contemplating whether I could just kind of sift the bugs out and still use the flour. Nope. Not me.

I am presently making dinner for the family, so I did not ask H to please just pick up a pre-roasted chicken from the deli counter at the grocery. The living room is clean, and there are no toys on the floor. And I am now sitting in my perfectly clean and organized living room, waiting for H to come home from work, as I enjoy quiet time with my boys. (Incidentally, none of us are still in our pajamas.) N is playing happily in his swing, making no noises that may or may not indicate that he is displeased with being in his swing at present. J and I are sitting calmly together, cuddled up on the couch, watching the Backyardigans, his favourite age-appropriate educational program on TV. And so, we can safely say that there is not a rerun of Two and a Half Men entitled "A Kosher Slaughterhouse out in Fontana" playing in the background as I blog this entry while J stands on a chair forcefully throwing an assortment of craft supplies behind the couch. If he were doing that, though, I would certainly stop him, as I am not exhausted and I care deeply about these behaviours just at the moment.

Updated to add:
The pie turned out beautifully. I did not have trouble with the crust, for the first time since I got the no-fail recipe. I was able to roll out two beautiful 9-inch crusts with ease, and did not continually have to add more flour to keep the dough from sticking to the surface, then more water to hold the dough together. Ultimately, I did not just give up and throw the ball of dough into the fridge to see if I might have better luck with chilled dough later. I also did not refer to the whole mess as "the freaking pie crust" in the hearing of my impressionable 3-year old; therefore, H did not reprimand me for using what he feels is an unacceptable term for our 3-year old to repeat at preschool.